Feeling Unloved And Unwanted? Here Is Why And How To Fix It

There are so many things that can make one begin to feel unwanted or unloved in a relationship. It tends to be something that happens over time; but once that feeling is there, it's difficult to make it go away. So, what makes us feel unloved and unwanted by those we love the most? Some liken this feeling to depression, or feeling like you just don't belong in your family anymore. Others say that it comes from feeling like your husband or boyfriend isn't as interested in you as they once were. Sometimes these feelings are due to other issues you may have in your marriage or relationship and you aren't sure why. For me, these feelings stem from feeling like I'm not a priority to my boyfriend. When I don't feel like I'm his priority, I feel unwanted. When I don't feel like he wants to be with me sexually, I feel unwanted and unloved. When he makes time for his work, but won't be home for dinner on time I feel underappreciated. This may be different for you. Everyone is different and every relationship is different. However, one thing remains the same - you don't have to continue feeling this way. No matter the cause, if you feel unloved and unwanted in your relationship then it needs to be addressed. Understanding why you feel this way and how you can handle it is important and will give you the power to overcome it.

Feeling unloved and unwanted in a relationship is heart-wrenching. It can make a person who doesn't tend toward depression, depressed and not like themselves. Feeling this way, whether you are married or seriously dating, takes a toll on you and your relationship. It's difficult to feel like someone you love so deeply no longer cares for you. To feel as if they no longer want you in their lives or find it necessary to make you a priority. I've been there, and this feeling sucks. So, why does it hurt so much and why is it so hard to fix at times? I always try to understand things from my boyfriend's perspective. So, before you decide that you are unloved, unwanted, and that they are finished with you take a look at what is going on. Have changes been made recently? Is this an adjustment period or does your spouse have something stressful going on that may not pertain to your relationship at all? If this is true, then my advice is to be patient. Be there for your husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend, and support them through this time. You will need them to be understanding and supportive at some point, so use this opportunity to show them you are capable of giving this as much as you will expect and need it later on. There are other times, however, when we feel unwanted and unloved in our relationship for other reasons. Maybe it's because of the time your wife spends with your friends, or the time your husband spends on his computer. Maybe your boyfriend seems to make his family a priority at all times, but has never made you or your relationship a priority. Typically, when this begins to happen and we begin to feel unwanted and unloved we do everything we can to fix it, but we do so in the wrong way. Do you find yourself doing anything you can to make your husband or wife happy? You try pleasing them in efforts to feel needed or wanted? By doing this, we begin to set unrealistic expectations for ourselves. These expectations, in turn, set us up for failure because we haven't talked to our spouse to tell them how we feel. They don't know how you feel. If you think they do and you haven't told them directly, then chanced are that they don't have a clue! This is a perfect storm that will just send you into a bigger spiral. So, how do we fix this? Well, once you know why you're feeling the way you do it will be easier to address it with your spouse. For me, I had to understand what actions specifically made me feel unloved and then I could address it with my boyfriend.

Sometimes, when people are unhappy in a relationship they will make excuses and they will allow things to go on for a long time. Or, they acknowledge that things aren't great, but out of fear of losing someone they love, they do nothing. If you are feeling unloved or unwanted, ignoring it won't make it go away. If you know why you feel this way, it's time to take it a step further. Don't stop here and hope it goes away one day. If this goes unaddressed it won't only be dangerous for you, but dangerous for your relationship. If you are worried about your marriage, first be worried about how this is affecting you. Your marriage, or dating relationship, can't flourish if you are feeling this way. If these feelings are left alone, depression will begin to creep in. I know because I've been there. Your husband, wife, or dating partner, will get more on edge because you are and they won't understand why which will just make the issue worse. I'm not saying this is on you to fix, or that it's your fault and that your spouse has nothing to do with it. The key, however, is that you need to initiate the conversation because they, more than likely, aren't aware you feel this way. If you leave it alone for too long you will suffer, they will suffer, and your relationship will suffer.

Telling your spouse that you feel unloved or unwanted is not something any of us want to do. We don't want to have this conversation. We avoid it at all costs. Though having this conversation can be difficult, it's necessary in order to fix things. If you are me, you have played this conversation over in your head a million times. So, lets talk about what you need to do to prepare to have it. That way, when you do bring this up, which you have to do, you can have a productive conversation. As soon as you tell your spouse that you feel unloved or unwanted they may get defensive, and the goal is to prevent that. As I've said before, it's important that you understand why you feel unwanted and/or unloved. What actions specifically make you feel this way. It's important to know exactly what actions are the root cause of the feelings you have, otherwise your spouse won't understand what they need to do to help or change. For example, does your husband always complain when your family wants to get together? Does this make you feel unloved and like you aren't a priority to him? This is what you will need to tell him. Maybe you feel unloved because your wife or husband seems disinterested in having sex with you. You ask, but they always ignore you. Be sure to express how their actions make you feel. Be specific and will help them understand where you're coming from more than just saying, "we don't have sex enough." Telling your spouse how specific actions make you feel will keep them from being defensive. However, if you put the blame on them and use words like, "always" and "never" then you will automatically put them on the defensive. Be specific and use phrases like, "at times I feel unloved or unwanted because..."

Feeling unloved and unwanted in a relationship can lead to many other problems. The longer these feelings tend to stick around, the more likely depression will set in as well. Eventually, this will begin to impact your work and other relationships. Your family will begin to notice things are "off" with you, and they will ask questions or will begin thinking it's something else. The way you view your relationship with your husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend, will begin to affect the way you view relationships at work and with friends. You will begin to see everything through the same lens and will begin to feel emptiness and rejection in most of your relationships. It's difficult to admit when this happens, but this is why it's so important that the issue is addressed. Changes in your relationship and your marriage will also begin to happen. Your feelings of being unwanted and unloved may make you start looking elsewhere for what you feel is missing. You will also notice that your husband, or wife, will seem more distant since they won't know how you're feeling, why you're feeling that way, or what to do to help. As a result they will distance themselves from the situation. Over time, the person you love will soon begin to be your biggest enemy. This can be avoided by having a conversation. One talk won't fix everything, but talking to the love of your life will open up communication in a great way. Use it!

Every relationship goes through different seasons. Maybe your wife is working more or going back to school, so she may seem distant and you may be feeling the effects of that. Maybe your husband just got a promotion and is working more to settle in to his new position. All the time he's spending away from home may cause you to feel like you aren't loved anymore. His work is the priority. You know your situation. You know the person you fell in love with. No one knows what is going on better than the two of you, so it's time to open the door. Talk to them. The sooner you recognize your underlying issues, the better. You can open the door to communication. If they truly love you, your wife will understand and once you've talked you can get back on the same page. Your husband will understand better how you feel and why you are upset when he gets home late every night. You have to open the door. When we feel like we are unloved, we tell ourselves that they don't care. Remember, I've been here. I know how this feels. I remember thinking that talking wasn't necessary because my significant other already checked out. At least that's what I thought. Open the door. Take the chance. If your situation is anything like mine, your spouse will be shocked and they will want to fix things. Let them know why you feel unloved and unwanted and they will do what they can to make things better because they love you, and were likely unaware of how you felt.

As I've said, you need to open the door to communication. That's step one. You have to start communicating with your spouse about your relationship, your marriage, and how you feel. After that, the real work starts. It's not just about them changing how they treat you or how they behave. You also have to change. You have to change the way you see their actions. When we have been in a relationship where we feel unwanted or unloved we get to a point where we see everything through that same perspective. If we've fallen into depression, it takes time and effort to come out of it and to honestly change the way we view everything our spouse does. Whether you are in a marriage or a long-term dating relationship, your family and your spouse will need you to do your part. If you live in this same space, even if your spouse is trying to make changes, it won't ever work. Depression can have this hold on us we don't even notice, so once it's set in, it will take time to make it go away. I notice, even though it's been some time, that I tend to drift back into the same thought processes I used to have. When I felt unloved and unwanted, I hated who I became. I was no longer myself and it impacted my family greatly. I can still feel there are days that the depression and insecurity tries to creep back in, but for the sake of myself and my family I can't allow it to. Neither can you.

A relationship becomes broken when one person feels unloved and unwanted. Like it or not, this is the truth. Marriages will end because of this. Some, they end up working through it and getting stronger from it all. The most important thing, however, is you. You have to protect your heart. If that means leaving the relationship because your spouse can't give you what you need, then maybe that is something you need to consider. You must repair your heart after being at the point where you feel unloved in a relationship. It will take time and it isn't anything that your spouse can fix for you. For you to be the best you can be for your family and in your relationship, repairing your heart is vital. Whether you leave the relationship or stay, once you have worked through this terrible feeling you must allow yourself a fresh start. Be aware of how you felt, what got you to that place, and don't let yourself get there again. Feeling unloved is one of the worst feelings ever, but if we stay there we won't allow ourselves to be loved. Repair your heart and, when you're ready, you can open yourself up to be loved the way you should be.

A fresh start? How do you start fresh in a marriage of 10 years when you've been feeling unloved and unwanted for the last two? How do you start fresh with a wife who has put you and your family on the back burner so that she can have a career? How do you start a new relationship when your boyfriend burned you and left you feeling insecure and miserable? Take a step back. Did you and your spouse work together on fixing what was the root cause of why you felt unloved? Did you address it with him, or her, honestly and work to make things better? Are they making an effort to ensure you don't feel this way again? If these things have happened successfully, then it's time to move forward. Again, don't forget what happened and what got you to that awful space, but don't hold it against them forever. Work together on starting fresh and moving forward by starting new routines and traditions. Plan a date night when you didn't before. Work together. If you left the relationship because things were just too bad, then give yourself time to heal. Again, repair your heart. Give yourself time, but focus on giving yourself and anyone you may start a relationship with a clean slate. Move forward and be honest in the beginning with what you need from a partner. This will be a proactive way to avoid these terrible feelings again.