Divorcing a narcissist
As a grown woman in an abusive relationship, you should never even think twice about leaving, especially if there are children involved. My advice to you is to take a leave as quickly as you can so that the poor excuse of a man you can a husband doesn’t have the chance to hurt you. he might be loving and charming at first, but a narcissist will always be a narcissist. He will start showing his true colors one by one and before you know it, he will start treating you as though you weren’t his wife in the first place. A narcissist will drain your energy and leave you vulnerable and exposed. And after a while, you will start questioning whether you are his lawfully wedded wife or his slave. The latter is why you need to leave the first chance you get so that you don’t end up being the victim because that is always the story when it comes to being with a narcissist. It is therefore very important that you learn how to detect a narcissist when you see one. That way, you will end up saving yourself a lot of heartache and heartbreak that is always synonymous with dating a narcissist man. Again, if you have children with such a man, always consider removing them from such a toxic environment as soon as you can.
1. Prepare to go to court/ battlefield
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Any sensible woman would want to protect her children as well as their privacy when it comes to divorce. But this is never the case when you are planning on divorcing a narcissist. Since they always think that life revolves around them, they will always shift the blame to you and try to make you look like you are at fault – which is all you can expect from a narcissist man. That said, even though you might want to keep things on the down low and divorce quietly, the narcissist man will want to go to court so that he can prove to the whole world that you were the one at fault. And since you cannot reason with such a man, it would be a good idea to bow down to the pressure and go to court. Get a good lawyer and get motivated to win because once they have established that he is a narcissist (which shouldn’t take much by the way), then you will definitely win without any challenge. In court, try doing everything by the book so that in the end, you will come out victorious from the battlefield. And whatever you do, don t allow the narcissist to drag the children into this and do your level best to protect them. I am saying this because it is a narcissist’s nature to clutch at straws especially when they smell defeat.
2. Protect the children when divorcing a narcissist
As earlier stated, the narcissist man will always try to drag the children into the ugly divorce just to get under his woman's skin. For that matter, you and your lawyer should work around the clock to ensure that you are protecting the kids at all costs. Seek advice from your lawyer on how the children can be shielded from this narcissist man or husband because as a caring ex-wife to be, your loyalty should always lie with the children. As a woman, your children will most certainly look up to you for protection, since a narcissist isn’t the type of man you can ever rely on for anything, let alone protection. They are so full of themselves and their ego will only cripple your children’s self-esteem. Try as much as possible to keep the children out of this especially if they are called upon to testify – which should be the last option. Again, do everything that you can to keep the children out of this since it will cause them a lot of pain and emotional damage that will be very difficult to cure at the end of the day. And as you are working hard to protect the kids, remember that you are on your own. So, you shouldn’t ask your narcissist husband for help because he will only blame you for causing the pain to the kids because you chose to leave.
3. Seek advice from experts before divorcing
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As stated earlier, divorcing a narcissist can be quite an uphill task and a difficult challenge especially if there are children in the mix. It is, therefore, a good idea for you to seek advice from all relevant quarters and see to it that you are getting the best tricks in the book on how to go about it. Never expect a narcissist to be reasonable. Secondly, he will treat the divorce as a battlefield, meaning that he will be coming for your throat and I am not even joking about it. His goal will be to destroy your image as well as your reputation and if you don’t have the right support in your corner you will most certainly crumble and be crushed – which will be a definite win for him. That said, it would be a good idea to prepare yourself psychologically, physically as well as emotionally because when all is said and done, divorcing a narcissist is most definitely going to take a toll on every aspect of your being. So, you need to prepare for war because as one smart man once said, the harder you train, the lesser you bleed. Learn to disregard his jabs and hits below the belt and you will most certainly win without breaking a sweat.
4. Narcissists play games well
I love the Christmas atmosphere at work. Every one is so cheerful, working and smiling and also the chocolate overload must be mentioned however with all the happiness in the office, it is bitter sweet as this time of year brings with it dispute about arrangements for children amongst separated couples. It is hard to see that we are still at the point where the blame game is still very much in play which makes one party at fault of the breakdown of the relationship and therefore they cannot see their child/children!!!! I am always at a loss as to how that makes sense. I have heard it all, “he/she left us, he/she does not deserve to be a parent or he/she will never see those kids”, come on people, he/she did not leave the children, they left you! The relationship, and this should not stop them spending time with the kids. Bad parent!!!! Really! Because you are separated! Remember those kids, how they feel, the change of going from one home to two, the emotional impact of seeing their parents argue and bicker! The least you can do is make the transition easy for them. Let them know you both love them and as parents we may not be friends forever but the love you have for your children will never change. I am not saying that it will be easy but whatever contempt you feel towards each other, keep it away from your children for their own sake. Hear their voices and out their needs above yours. I hope this season brings peace to the hearts of separated and separating couples and you are able to #putthekidsfirst have a lovely weekend everyone. #law #lawyermom #lawyer #legal #legallife #divorce #attorney #solicitor #solicitors #familylawyer #familylaw #familylawyers #lawyerlife #lawyermum #lawyered #advocate #advocacy #courtwork #femalelawyers #court P.S photocredit @emily_anderson05 (she said I am taller than the 🌲, of course I am! At 5 11’)
When it comes to toying with a woman’s emotions, you just can’t beat a narcissist man. But just because you can’t beat a narcissist in his narcissistic games doesn’t mean you have to join him. Don’t make such a mistake! The best thing for you to do at this point is focusing on what is important here – which is winning the case and cutting him out for good. Then narcissist man you call a husband will do just about anything to bring you down. It is important that you keep your head in the game and don’t pay attention to him. Don’t reply to his messages or receive his phone calls because he will be trying to mess with your head and as we have already agreed, we are not going to give your soon to be narcissist ex-husband that pleasure. If you do that, then you are going to lose because you just can’t play these games better than him. I should remind you that he has been doing this way longer than you and that means he will almost always win over you. And the more he wins, the more miserable you will become. As the soon to be ex-wife of your narcissist husband and the strong woman you are for wanting to get away from him, you need to fully understand the importance of not taking part in any of these games. Even the expert advising you will tell you the same thing. It will be quite a challenge but since you are strong-willed, it will be an easy one for you.
5. Divorcing a narcissist takes time
Doing everything by the book, family court proceedings usually end up taking up a lot of time. And needless to say, it will most certainly take a toll on you since it will be the semblance of a battlefield. That is exactly what a narcissist wants. It is in their nature to take up as much of your time and cause a lot of pain because, for the umpteenth time, the court to them is a battlefield. It is for that reason that you need to stay strong and not show them any signs of weakness while on the battlefield as they will feed off of it. If you aren’t that strong, then be strong for your children. It is very important that you do so if you want to come out of the battlefield victorious. The trick here is to limit any interaction with the man and proceed with your business as usual. Not paying any mind to him will surely eat him up because he desperately needs to agitate you as that is where he leeches his power from. Deny it to him and watch him shrivel before your eyes. My advice to you is to keep your head high and never waiver your faith in the legal system even if his attorney decides to stretch the case longer on your narcissist husbands request. Just remember that one day you are going to be free and have your freedom from this toxic, narcissist man. Do this and everything is definitely going to work out in your favor.
6. A narcissist won’t negotiate in the battlefield
As I earlier stated, forget the eventuality of a narcissist husband settling because that will never happen. If the divorce goes to court, which it will, then you will most certainly have to worry about more than just losing because he will be out of blood. And since you know what he is capable, the idea of going to court might scare you a bit. But then again, you are stronger than this. So, always go in for the kill and never back down. You will pick up some courage along the way but the key is to never show fear because they will come at you with all they’ve got. His ultimate goal after finding out that you are leaving him is to tear you into pieces and leaving you for the dogs. But the good news is that you will only get to this point if you allow for it to happen. Again, you can choose to give him the chance or you choose to shut him down – and I advise that you go with the latter. Never, ever in your life give a narcissist or any man for that matter, that kind of power because, in the end, you are the one who will end up losing big time. So, if he wants to go to court, oblige and get to beat him in his own game. Take his power from him as you go out as a successful ex-wife. Doing so will be a spine-chilling reminder for the narcissist to never mess with another woman ever again.
7. He is a boundary violator even when divorcing
Let's all take a moment to extend our thoughts and hearts to those people in the world that are broke or in pain / grieving this Christmas. Festive celebrations are not always a time people enjoy - particularly Christmas and Easter. This is definitely a time I personally struggle with. There are many people in the world that struggle watching families getting their Santa pictures taken, celebrating as a family or just receiving gifts; they can't even bring themselves to put up their Christmas tree; carols send them into floods of tears; or even watching the celebrations around them and on Facebook is painful. Whether they have lost loved ones through death; their families have been torn apart by divorce or death; they can't afford gifts for their children; or are simply feeling lost and alone - they should be thought about this Christmas. A lot of broken families don't get to see their children on Christmas Day or have to share the day with their respective exes - which leaves them feeling heartbroken at the loss of the family connection. Did you know that these festive seasons are the biggest period of time where there are more deaths through sadness, broken hearts or depression than any other time of year. Please extend your arms and hearts to anyone you know that might be feeling this way. You could completely change their perspective of how this festive season should be or just simply letting them know they are not alone. Be mindful that they may not accept your offer and want to be alone, as it could just be too overwhelming for them. Respect their decisions but let them know you are there if they change their mind. Let's send all the love and peace out to the world. Human touch and love can be the difference between life and death. Love makes the world go round after all and everyone should have at least someone in their life to love them!!! **If you are concerned about someone's mental health or wellbeing, ensure you suggesting they contact helpline or consult a professional.
If you have decided to divorce a narcissist, then you have to accept the challenge that comes with it. Just because you are leaving him doesn’t mean that he will stop violating your boundaries. But then again, it is imperative that you understand that this happens only because you allow for it to happen. Getting a restraining order will most certainly be a very good start for you. Your soon to be ex-husband narcissist should fully understand that there will always be consequences when he tries to violet your boundaries one more time. Make sure that your lawyer understands that you are trying to get away from a narcissist. Chances are your lawyer knows all of their tricks and will do all in their power to get them by the book. But this won’t guarantee that the battlefield won’t get any messier. If you have children in the mix, the narcissist will try his level best to use them against you. This is something that you will have to work on avoiding and proving that he is a bad influence on the children will work like a charm in getting them away from him. That way, he cannot have any way possible that he can use to violet your boundaries. That this advice and make a run for it, you know before it’s too late for you to do anything about it.
8. Reveal his false image when divorcing a narcissist
The reason you are divorcing him is that he is a toxic person as a whole. But that won’t stop the man you once called a husband from trying to show the world he is the best person you will ever have. He will pretend before the judge, lawyers and jury (if it ever goes that far) and if you aren’t careful, you will come off as the bad person in the relationship. And it goes without saying that you don’t want this to ever happen because it will only ruin any chances you have of winning. That said, you and your lawyer need to come up with evidence that will destroy his false image and expose him to the world for who he is. That way, he will find it hard to pretend and then show his true colors and that is how you will get to win and avoid his clutches. Being the ex-wife of a narcissist is not easy especially you have had children together. But once you beat him in his own game, he will realize that you are one woman not to mess with and it won’t be a challenge anymore. So, it is a good thing for you invest in this fight because at the end of the day, winning it will set you free from the narcissist man.
9. A narcissist is quite a charmer
Before you go divorcing a narcissist, you need to understand that he is good at what he does and that is what makes him very dangerous. He will charm the judge and he might end up winning. In the worst-case scenario, he might end up getting the children and coming out of the battlefield as the victor. It is therefore advisable for you to expose the man before he gets to the point of using his charm to manipulate everyone into buying his falsehood. Seek advice from your lawyer or anyone who is in your corner and start throwing the jabs from the get-go. And while doing so, don’t come off as the estranged wife just being emotional. You can do so by always having facts at the tips of your fingers. That way, it would be a good idea for you altogether. Having lived with his narcissist self for a while, you must have picked up all of the tricks he has in his book. So, my advice to you will be to use these tricks against him and expose him to the point that his charm, charisma, and persuasiveness will be rendered useless. That is the only way in which you can win. It might be difficult at first, but if there is one thing I know about women it's that if they can put their minds on something, they will always come out victorious.
10. You are divorcing an entitled, narcissistic man
Once you have decided to get rid of a narcissist, there is no turning back from it. At the end of the day, it is all for the best and your life will only end up for the better. As you are going through the process of getting away from him permanently, also try to bring his entitled nature to light because, well, that is the only way you are going to succeed in everything that you are doing. They aren’t really considerate and no matter how hard they try to pretend during the court proceedings, you and your lawyer can always spot some elements of entitlement especially from the demands he and his lawyer have as conditions from the divorce. You can actually get to use this to your own advantage and get to do so from the get-go. Never give him any chance to play you for the fool. Use your soon to be ex-husband’s bad qualities and in the end, you will come out as victorious. Again, you are a woman who is built to face challenges head-on and that will never change. You are strong and you can get away from that narcissist. Keep telling yourself that to the point that it becomes a mantra. Learn every trick in the book on how to free yourself from a narcissist husband and you will soon be the happy ex-wife of one.
11. Divorcing a narcissist means no more manipulation
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Again, this is a brutal battlefield, meaning that anything goes especially when dealing with a narcissist. You will, therefore, have no other option but to spot any signs of him trying to manipulate the case and report to your lawyer who will take the necessary precautions. As earlier stated, he will always try to get you to react negatively by clutching onto the children, delaying the case and even making some outlandish accusations against you. The key is to remain as calm and collected as possible. Then from there, it will be a good idea for you to respond with facts, especially those that make him look like the manipulative, toxic man that he is. And my advice to you is not to be emotional because you might end up getting angered. Give the facts and proof and let your lawyer handle it. That way, he will not have you around to piss off and feed off your anger or emotions. As far as you are concerned, he should have done that a long time ago and you shouldn’t be there to feed his energy, ego and narcissist behavior whenever he feels like it. Remember, it takes a lot of courage for you to do this. But since you are strong, I have no doubt that you will expose him as a manipulative narcissist and get the court to rule in your favor sooner rather than later.
12. Divorcing a narcissist is ugly
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You already know what to expect from divorcing a narcissist husband. As a wife, you have to be prepared to be painted as the aggressor. The trick here is to remain as calm as possible because, well, it will annoy the hell out of him just to see you seated there unbothered. More often than not, all his accusations will be pointless because he usually has no proof that you are what he claims you are. And when it comes to your turn, always hit him with concrete facts and have the book thrown at him. As a wife and a woman, you should take the challenge and show strength since it is the only way to beat a narcissist.
13. He will make the divorce process expensive
A narcissist has got one goal in his life which is leaving the battlefield having taken everything from you. He wants to see you broken and separated from your children. And that is the reason why you don’t need to be with such a man for a husband. My advice is that you need to expose him and all of his plots so that the court cannot be used as a narcissist’s playpen.
14. A court case with a narcissist is never over
Even after the court rules in your favor, it will never be over for a narcissist. A wife will never be victorious according to him and he will always take it as a challenge to keep on fighting and that is draining, to say the least. Therefore, being the strong and focused woman that you are, it will be a good idea for you always be prepared for an attack. Whenever you get subpoenaed, always be ready to hit him back with facts and a win until he gets tired. Oh yeah, even the most annoying narcissist gets tired and throws in the towel from time to time and that should be something that you look forward to every darn time.
15. Get a therapist after divorcing a narcissist
Expect that this man is going to tire you out. So, once it is over and done with, make sure that you find a good shrink to get your head straight. If being with a narcissist isn’t toxic enough, he will do everything in his power to destroy you during the divorce even if it means using all the tricks in his book to do so. You, therefore, need to find a therapist during and after the case is wrapped up. This is a battlefield and you should, therefore, treat it as such – period.
Even though divorcing a narcissist can be likened to being in a 15th-century battlefield, it really doesn’t have to scare you much because you are a woman and women are built to handle any form of stress. If you aren’t divorcing him for yourself, then, by all means, do it for your children. Always seek advice from good friends, professionals, as well as your attorneys, and you will end up doing just fine in the end. The most important thing is to divorce a narcissist as soon as you discover that you are in a relationship with one.