How To Let Him Go & Move On Even If It Seems Impossible

We've all gone through a break up, and it's difficult. But there are times where you have to really let him go. Here are some tips for you.

By Neko Yama
How To Let Him Go & Move On Even If It Seems Impossible

Why Can't You Move On and Let Him Go?

It is one of the most memorable moments to fall deeply in love—knowing you are with the person you would want to be with your whole life, and having that feeling of security that you will never be alone and of course, knowing that someone truly loves you. Being inside a relationship is one of the best feelings in the world because you’re slowly connecting yourself to your significant other. However, when the relationship fails and you finally have to let him go, it can be one of the most devastating experiences to go through. If you have already gone through it, you would probably agree that it feels like half of your life is being taken away from you. It feels as if your heart would burst and you would never get over it. Break up is something that would destroy one emotionally. Why it is so hard to let him go and move on though? There are times when we are fully aware of the reasons why it has to happen, however, our minds would just not let us gracefully leave. Whatever reasons we have—maybe he’s not just really meant for you, maybe there’s a quarrel that you know you could never move on, perhaps he has emotionally hurt you for too many times already, etc.—you still find yourself not wanting to let him go.

|| The Necessity To Socially Bond & Connect || From a perspective of evolution, being isolated, rejected and cut off is dangerous to our health. Our brains dislike this state and we experience emotional disharmony and turbulence. We are both wired to be connected deeply and independent. And feeling that we are being rejected, not part of a meaningful group of supportive and loving peers and feeling ‘cast out’ can reap havoc with our lives. The pain of social rejection shares a common neuronal network with that of physical pain. A ‘broken heart’ and a broken bone to the brain are both very ‘real’ pain. Can you openly and consciously choose to surround yourself with people that care about you, support you and nurture you through difficulty? Being in the presence of a beloved that you are deeply bonded with can change the course and direction of your life... Can you surround yourself with loved ones that you trust, respect and revere. Where you feel safe enough to express vulnerably, authentically and intimately? Our ability into express in open vulnerability correlates directly to our growth, expansion and state of multi-layered health and inner well-being. We experience and feel depth of love and connection when we feel safe enough to just be ourselves. It is said that we are the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with. Being wise here allows us to better attract our intimate partners. Can you discern what aligns with you in order to embody and embrace deeply enriching relationships and optimal states of being? One is always glad to be of service. S.Sifandos. #stefsifandos #relationships #love #social #bonds #connection #deep #feelings #empowerment #consciousness #sharing #intimacy #vulnerability

A post shared by Stef Sifandos (@stefsifandos) on

The reason is because of the connection you have made with him, more especially if the relationship lasted for years. Your mind got used to the belief of being with him for life that to let him go deemed to be impossible even when it is not a good thing to go on either. You have to keep yourself sane and think about your own happiness. Connections with people fail for reasons, and you have to let go of these connections if you know it slowly destroy you, difficult as it may seem. It may sound easier to keep him than to go through troubles and heart break, but if it’s not working anymore, no matter what you do, the love you felt won’t ever come back.

Were Your Plans Different From Each Other?

Are you planning to settle down in one place and build your own nest with your children? Or, maybe you still want to be close to your immediate family when you already have your own. After listing down what you want for your future, start to ask yourself if he wanted the same. Perhaps, you can remember a time when he told you he wanted to travel the world and he doesn’t want to have children. Has he told you once that he wanted to be as far away from people as much as possible? If this is the case, it’s apparent that you have opposite goals in life. If you stay in a relationship where both parties’ goals don’t meet, it will eventually tire you mentally and even emotionally. Finding out your differences is the right time for you to let him go.

If It’s Not Love, Let Him Go


A post shared by ROSE DIRANI (@rose_dirani) on

One of the common fears of women that hinder them to move on from a break up is the thought of not being able to find someone else to love them again. Or the thought of wasting the many years they spent together with him. Keep in mind that there are billions of people in the world and you are probably not the unluckiest person alive to even think that not one of them is meant for you. Love will come at the right time, and when you are ready. If it’s not love anymore that controls your relationship, it’s time for you to leave gracefully and let him go.

Don’t Be Afraid To Grieve

After relationship demise, it’s natural that there will be a lot of crying to happen and everyone would definitely agree that it’s an exhausting step to moving on. It’s inevitable because you’re now saying goodbye to someone that has become a huge part of you. Don’t be afraid to grieve a lot. Cry your heart out as much as you can because it can actually help you release the hurting feelings concealed in you. This step is only natural because as much as it’s time to let him go, you can’t still deny the fact that love had still happen to both of you. Besides, you’ll be surprised how gracefully you can move on after a healthy amount of grieving.

Don’t Let Happy Memories Trap You

When relationships last for several years, rest assured that memories—good and bad—are endless. It’s a good thing for one that is sure to last lifetime, but it can be a disadvantage for one that meets its end and when you have to let him go. Maybe you got used to him being around during Christmas, or he was there during your first most memorable and exciting experience. The list of happy memories is endless, right? If these memories are what keep you from moving on, you have to fight it off. Know that happy memories are made to be kept forever even when the people involved in it are gone. It’s not meant to trap you in something that you’re not happy with anymore. Let him go and think that it’s not worth for him to come back to you just because of the lingering past.

So What If You Become Single Again?

If being single again is one of the things that hinder you to move on and let him go, know that it is a silly reason. Remember that nothing is wrong with becoming single. In fact, it will give you much more time to spend and think about yourself—mentally and emotionally. Do not be pressured by your peers that are inside a relationship. It’s better to wait alone for the man that is really meant for you and for the perfect timing that you can love again than to stay with a guy even if you’re not happy anymore. Do not enter a relationship just so you can show other people that you’re “taken”. Instead of being frustrated at the thought of having no one to cuddle with, or no one to answer to, treat your becoming single again as gracefully as you can—enjoy your freedom and mingle with other people. Use it to spend time on things that you have took for granted when you were still together. Do not stress and force him to come back even when you know it’s not going to work anymore. Let him go and gracefully move on.

Cut Off Contacts with Him

Know that to let him go is not a sign of weakness. If you are not happy anymore of the people you are with, it is actually a sign of being strong to remove them from your life. If you are really decided to let him go, you should cut off contacts with him, and you have to cut off everything—Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, every social media accounts you’re connected with him. You should also delete and block his number on your phone so every time you feel the itch to call or text him, it would be easier to resist. Why do you have to do this? It would be harder for you to let him go if after you broke up, you can still see his activities. You’ll feel strange that you’re no longer relevant in things he does. There would even be possibilities of posting statuses about each other that would trigger both of you. The worst would be to see he has completely moved on and found another girlfriend—it’s going to be difficult to let him go because you’ll find it hard to accept that he just easily forgot about you. So, as soon as you are separated, instantly remove everything that would remind you of him. It’s going to take some getting used to at first because you’ll find yourself wondering what he is always up to but wondering is better than totally knowing what's going on if you really want to let him go.

If it’s Just about Sex, Let Him Go

If your relationship lasted for years, it’s expected that both of you have done some steamy bedroom activities that would be surely memorable, right? Unfortunately, it could be one of the reasons you would find it hard to let him go too. But then again, it’s a shallow and silly reason. Just like happy memories, these bedroom activities are already a thing of the past. If you don’t want to let him go just because you are worried that you’ll be on a drought spell for long, know that your being single would not be permanent. Surely, you would find another man you’d love and be engaged with in this kind of activities again. Furthermore, if you’re not happy anymore and only keeping him because of such reasons, you’ll eventually find yourself not enjoying the bedroom activities too. Why? Simply because you’re not doing it out of love anymore. So, let him go now and don’t imprisoned yourself in a relationship you’re no longer happy.

Let Him Go Because It’s Time to Love Yourself

Once you broke up with him, to be able to completely let him go and move on, you have to stop worrying about him now and start focusing on yourself. Keep in mind that there is a reason why you have to let him go—maybe the relationship has become toxic for you, maybe he is slowly destroying your self-worth, perhaps you are starting to lose sense of prioritizing the right things, or maybe being with him just really doesn’t work out—whatever the reasons are, it is most likely because the effect of the relationship is becoming bad for you. The biggest step forward you can make to be able to let him go and move on is to love your own self. Once you realize your value and self-worth, to let him go will be just a piece of cake because this is the perfect timing to clear your mind and be aware of what’s bad for you and what’s not. It’s difficult to do though—just because you decided to let him go doesn’t mean your love for him would be instantly gone, thus, the reason why you could not move on easily. But if you learn how to resist the urge to connect for him to come back and focus on reminding yourself that your own life should be your number one priority, you’ll be surprised how fast you can forget about him.