Long Distance Breakup: When To Do It And How To Cope With It

Life is unpredictable, and when we are in love, many circumstances may occur that could drive us into a long-distance relationship. Heading to college, finding a new job in another state or city, or returning home to be with family are all reasons that force us to choose whether to stay with our mate or to try for a relationship that could potentially span thousands of miles. In today's age, many long-distance relationships are started online. Many people are finding the love of their life through social media or dating sites. The passion and excitement of meeting someone new online are just the same as meeting someone in "real life," but long-distance relationships can be tricky to muster if you aren't prepared for what is coming. Even if it ends by break up, chances are you will gain some valuable life experience.

Everyone seems to have advice for individuals who are in love. Maintaining your individuality is often a sign of a healthy relationship, and a long-distance relationship can prove to be one of the most effective ways to exercise this. When you are separated by distance, it is easier to be yourself and not worry about what the other person is thinking. Another positive of a long-distance relationship is that, if successful, you have proven your love against the odds. There is nothing more gratifying than being able to tell someone who has a negative stance on your relationship, "See, I told you so." There are many relationships that never see a breakup, and in fact, can end up in marriage. Social media and instant messaging have made love over distance easier. Years ago, phone calls and snail mail letters were the only way that we could communicate with our mate. Now, instead of worrying about running up our parent's phone bill, we can communicate instantly, making it seem like our partner is right there with us.

There will be many who will be quick to tell you that a relationship that spans over than just a short two-hour drive will have a handful of advice on why it can end with a painful breakup. First, if your partner is slow to answer your text or instant message, thoughts will begin to emerge. What are they doing? Who are they with? Why aren't they answering!?! Can you relate? Second, there is a common saying — out of sight, out of mind. It is easy to go about your every day after time, and what is in front of you begins to take precedence over what is not. If you are looking for a sign that your love is starting to waver, there are plenty. If sign after sign begins to pop up, there is a good chance a break up could be on your relationship cards.

Any relationship can have ups and downs. It is easy for people to say you get out of it what you put into it, but relationships are a two-way street. However, it is different when you are in a long-distance relationship where you can't see the person you love every day if you have ever met them in person, to begin with. There will be days that things couldn't be better — and then there will be days when you start reconsidering your decision. You could meet someone new in person. You could be irritated by the lack of communication. You could start developing jealousy and trust issues. Or, you may just find that you want to be single again. Many reasons could lead you to consider a breakup. Regardless of the reason, pay attention to your feelings. If you are starting to feel a little unsure about your relationship position, you need to be honest with yourself and your partner. Many problems can be avoided with some real communication. Don't just jump to conclusions in thinking it is over if you have one bad day. But, if days turn into weeks, or you start seeing some warning signs, you may want to consider your options. If you are feeling unsure in your heart and your mind, there are some warning signs that you can look out for that will confirm whether or not this is the best relationship for you to be in.

Communication is key in any relationship. When two people who are in love stop communicating, that is the first sign that a breakup may be coming in the future. Texts become less frequent. It starts with minutes and then turns to hours and days. The first sign that your relationship may be in trouble is that you stop communicating with your partner. If you cannot communicate with your partner, you are probably destined for a breakup. Some couples have agreements to speak every night, once a week, or some other kind of schedule. But, when you cannot reach your partner when you need them, the relationship will suffer.

Trust. There isn't a relationship without it. Do you find yourself stalking your partner's social media a little more than usual? Way more? Do you start questioning what he or she is telling you is true or not? When you stop trusting the one you love because you can't control their every move because they are too far away, it may be a huge warning sign that you are headed for a long distance break up. You will know it in your heart whether or not this is what you want. Knowing what is best for you and best for your relationship is a personal decision, regardless of the advice that you get. However, the statistics show that long distance relationships are very difficult to maintain, so you are not alone if you decide it is time to throw in the towel. Just like in relationships that are not separated by distance, if there is no trust, there is a huge chance the partnership will crumble when you break up when there is no trust.

It seems like there is never a right time to break up with someone. Especially if they do not feel the same way. The first thing you should do is talk to your partner about your feelings. If it feels like your concerns are falling on deaf ears, maybe it is time to consider other options. Long-distance relationships often feel like they will last forever in the beginning, but if you start feeling your communication and trust deteriorating over time, maybe you should consider ending the relationship with a breakup. You will want to walk away from this relationship without holding any resentment or regret, so be sure to end your relationship before starting another one. This may be a give-in, but believe me, there are plenty of individuals who jump into a new relationship before the old one is done. Or they try to be sneaky and hold two relationships, hoping that the other person will not find out. This isn't recommended- because you will only cause yourself more heartache. Sure, your friends and family will have plenty of advice on when to end the relationship, if you share your feelings with them, but the truth is, only you will know when it is the right time to do it. You may go through a range of feelings — questioning whether or not it is the right thing to do. Once you have decided that it is time, the next move is scary. How do you break up with someone you love?

Breaking up with someone is never an easy task. Not only do you worry about the ramifications and how you will feel, but your actions also impact the heart and mind of the person that you are in a relationship with. Once you have made the decision that you are done, there are several ways to go about completing the daunting task. Although some individuals will take the easy route and just stop talking to their partner after a breakup, you may end up losing a good friend too. If you are considering a breakup, you may want to think about how you want the relationship to be following the dishing of bad news

Think you are tough? Break up with someone who is in love with you. It can be one of the hardest things you ever do in your life. The best possible way to accomplish this is to do it in person if you have the opportunity to. If you can hang on until your partner again in person, then break up with them face to face. If you are unable to, using Facetime or other video communication tools is the best way to go. A breakup has a lot of emotion in it, and if you are confident in your decision, the right thing to do is to let your emotion show and also to see how the other person is impacted. You never know — after talking to your partner you may realize that you want to stay with them and you can repair the damage. If not, at least you are doing the right thing by doing it as close to face-to-face as you can long distance. When you break up with a person face-to-face (or metaphorically speaking) they will be able to see your tone, and vice-versa. A breakup can lead to a lifelong friendship if you be a man (or woman) and move through the hurt of seeing their face. On the other hand, don't be angry if their reaction to your breakup isn't what you expect — sometimes the other person feels the same way and is relieved!

Too chicken to break up with your mate face-to-face? Or, it may not be a matter of confidence as it is that you simply cannot. What do you do then? In the old days, people wrote letters to each other, commonly referred to as "Dear John" letters. Others broke up via a phone call. Some people opt to have others do their dirty work for them. There are hundreds of ways to break up with someone- and sometimes it is just too painful to do it to their face. Their response can range from relief to anger to desperately trying to manipulate you to stay. Give some thought to the emotions it could evoke for your partner, so that way you can put on your emotional guard before you break up with them. In today's world, it is easier to cut the tie with the use of your fingers. Texting, typing or IM-ing is a colder way to break the news, but makes it easier on both sides. Unfortunately, size twelve Times New Roman font doesn't always convey emotion, so make sure that your message is clear. There is nothing more nerve-wracking than hitting that send button. However, there is a lot of relief once you do...until you realize the anticipation that you have for a reply.

There are those people out there who choose to take the complete chicken way out of it. They stop communicating with their partner altogether. No good-bye. No explanation. They just...disappear. Many times, the other partner doesn't even know there was a breakup, and they can go ages thinking they are still with you (at least until they see your Facebook page showing off your new relationship status!). This is the worst possible way that you could break up with your long-distance partner. There are too many scenarios that can be imagined. They were killed in a car crash, and no one informed you. They moved on without saying good-bye. Not having closure is difficult. It may not be difficult for you at first, but it certainly will impact you later. What ifs will cross your mind. True, it may be easier to just drift away without having to say good-bye. But, it could also create a really weird circumstance if you happen to run into them later in life. There is nothing wrong with saying that something isn't working for you — but at least be courteous and let your partner know that it is over. A breakup isn't usually the happiest of moments, but follow the Golden Rule and do unto others as you want to be done to you.

You did it, or it was done to you. You are part of that statistic that says long-distance relationships do not work. That's okay. There are plenty of other fish in the sea. Surviving any breakup can be difficult at some point or another. Take my advice, take this time to heal before jumping into another partnership. The time it takes to heal after a breakup varies on the person and the situation. There is no set blueprint of instructions for those who go through a breakup. There are, however, a few tips to help you survive a breakup, regardless if it is your first or fiftieth.

No matter how long you have been in a relationship, parts of you have changed while you have partnered with someone else. Take the first month after a break up for yourself. Many individuals will rush into another relationship (if you don't have one going already). We all know how rebounds work. They end up causing more pain and end up making you feel worse. Or, even better, you are carrying the mistakes from your last relationship into your new one. Who wants that kind of baggage?

The benefit of being physically separated from your mate is that you have had some time to become an individual again. The first month after a long-distance breakup is your chance to practice the art of self-care. Take this time to heal from your relationship. Find out what you like to do again, without having to answer to anyone else. Feel like going to bed early rather than staying up all hours waiting to hear from your partner? Do it. Feel like taking a sensual bath just because? Do it. This is the time to find what you like to do and now you have the time to do it. Don't keep checking your phone to see if they are trying to get hold of you. If it is easier for you, block them from your phone. However, some people try to stay friends, so don't close off an opportunity to maintain a healthy relationship. Practicing the art of self-care is the best way to heal the first month after your relationship ends. Take time to go out and experience things you didn't think were possible because someone else might not approve. Just keep it healthy. Self-care doesn't mean running to drugs or other addictions. Self-care is practicing self-love.

What went right? What went wrong? How could have things been done better or worse? After the first month, when the pain begins to subside, it is time to evaluate yourself and your part in the relationship. Did you do your part in keeping up with communication? If not, why? These are important questions of self-reflection that may save you some heartache in the future. Just because this relationship didn't work, doesn't mean that a future long-distance relationship won't work. Avoid blanket statements that use your past to define your future. Each breakup is different, but it does get easier with experience. Of course, if you are ready to find a new relationship, you may want to consider dating someone that you can see face-to-face as often as time permits. This will help warm your heart backup, and you won't feel that cold chill that your past relationship left you with any longer. Taking real time to reflect and evaluate is important. When you are ready to start dating again, you will have a better understanding of yourself and what you want out of a relationship. There are some valuable life lessons to be learned- make sure you give yourself time to let them sink in.

So, you have ended a relationship, you have taken some time to heal, and you are ready to get back into the game again. Or are you? You know what may have worked or didn't work in your previous relationship. Do you want another long-distance relationship or are you looking for someone who lives a little closer? Your personal decision is yours and yours alone, but there are some signs that will tell you if you are ready to dive back into the dating pool once again. A good sign that you are ready to start dating again after ending a long-distance relationship is when you break out of isolation, and you start socializing and testing the waters again. Remember, just because one relationship did not work, does not mean the next one will not. If you start getting a flutter in your tummy when you start talking to someone, chances are, you are ready to give partnership another try.

All relationships are a matter of personal preference. Long-distance relationships are not for everyone, but they do work for some people. The biggest piece of advice to accept is to follow what is right in your heart. Everyone has an opinion, but only you know what is best for you. When starting a long-distance relationship, make sure that boundaries and expectations are out in the open from the get-go. If you and your partner are clear on what it will take for the relationship to be successful, chances are, you can make even the most distant relationships work. Finding means to communicate that are outside of your comfort level will help as well. Keep jealousy and wandering thoughts to a minimum. If you both put in what you want out of the relationship, your chances for success will be much better. Just because you are distant, doesn't mean that you have to be distant. Follow your heart. However, if it does not work out, make sure that you are honest with your partner so that you are not leading them on. Every beginning comes from an ending. If you are in the position where you need to end a relationship because the long-distance partnership is not working, take some time to care for yourself and reflect. Another opportunity will come along, and you will be much wiser from the life experience that you gained from this adventure.