I Miss Him So Much: 10 Ways to Cope

I’m going to come right out and say it. It sucks. Break ups and long distance relationships suck. You miss him and sometimes it hurts so much that you feel like you might hide in your bed until you die. But you are one tough cookie! You are not going to roll over and die. You will survive! There are so many things you can do to make yourself feel better and make your solo life more fulfilling. You may even find that you have more time to invest in yourself than you ever did with a partner around. Relationships take so much time and energy that it’s easy to forget all about making time for the things and people you love in your life. Instead of moping around and missing your man, think of this as an opportunity that you haven’t had in a long time. Try to make the most of it! One day, you will look back on this and laugh that you thought that missing someone could take you down.

It's a cliche for a reason. It works. Not only is it not going to make you feel better, it’s going to harm you further to try to pretend like nothing is wrong and put on a happy face. You miss him and you're hurting. You know it and probably everyone around you knows it, too. Allow yourself to take some time to grieve. This is a loss and you will go through a grieving period. You might feel sad or angry sometimes, even though you don’t feel like you have a reason. This is normal when you miss someone. Don’t take it out on people you love, but do let them know how you are feeling when this happens. Bottling it up will just mean saving the heartache for a later date. These kinds of feelings will fester if you don’t give them an outlet. Try to lean on your support system. If you are someone who is close to your mom or another family member, call them! Do the same with your friends. Talk to people about the hurt you feel. Choosing to sulk in your own misery is not going to help you. It’s just going to hurt and make you miss him even more. Your friends will give you space to be upset for a while and you should take it. That space won’t last forever, so while it’s there, make good use of it.

It’s always sad when a relationship ends or when you’re in a long distance relationship where you don’t see your partner for extended periods of time. It's natural to miss people. However, that doesn’t mean you should cry about it forever. Take your time to get all those feelings out of your system, but make sure you don’t continue to dwell on it too long. When you start to feel happy again in flashes, hold onto that. Missing him isn’t going to hurt forever unless you choose not to let go. That might not seem like something you would do to yourself, but it’s an insidious cycle. You might find that you are really trying to think about him when you don’t need to. That will just hurt and make you sad, causing the whole cycle to repeat again. Once you’ve started to get over missing him, let yourself get over it. It hurts, but don’t make missing him your whole life.

Take some time to get to know yourself. Relationships take up a lot of time and maybe you haven’t had time in a while to find some things you really like to do. Letting your relationships with activities that make you happy die out isn’t healthy. So get back out there and take a class at your local rec. center or through a community education system. You might find that you love to do pottery or paint. Put that date money to good use and get into something new. Whenever possible, find group activities that involve this new hobby. This will give you an opportunity to make some new friends that share your new passion! Being in a group is a lot of fun and a good way to pass the time, but this new hobby could also help you learn to love your alone time too. Spending time with yourself doing something you are truly passionate about will help you to re-engage with you and what you’re about! Try to do some of both. Meet new people, get comfortable with yourself, and put your mind to getting really good at something. Eventually, you'll be so busy with your new hobby and friends you won't have time to miss him.

There are so many reasons that this will help you stop missing him. This could be that hobby you’ve just gotten into, like knitting or painting. It will feel good to make something with your own hands. There is an empowering feeling when holding something that you have made entirely from scratch. Wearing a scarf that you made or eating a meal that has been perfectly prepared gives the feeling that you can create awesome things all on your own. It will also distract you from the fact that you miss your guy. Another reason is that there is evidence that doing repeated motions when you are feeling stressed or sad helps you heal. While you are doing something like running or even less physical like painting, where you are doing repeated motions for an extended period of time, you are releasing physical energy while also tricking your brain into going to a calm and passive state of being. It'll be easier to process those negative emotions from missing him while being calm. If you knit, keep your yarn in your purse or invest in a fidget toy or stress ball. Whatever it is, have it on you and use that when you are really feeling down and missing him a lot.

While you’ve been really involved in your relationship, you may have neglected some friendships. Spend more time with your close friends and maybe even rekindle some old friendships! You may miss that boyfriend, but your real friends have been missing you while you were busy with him! I think most of us would admit that once we’re in a serious relationship, it can be hard to make as much time for our friends as we should. Some people really start to lose touch with almost all of their friends when relationships pick up. It’s natural to a degree, but now that you have all of your free time back, whether it’s because of a break up or a relationship becoming long distance, you should really spend more time with the people who care about you. It really is one of the most positive things about being single or in a long distance situation. Strengthen those ties as much as you can and even work to make new friends whenever you can! You won't miss him when you have good friends to keep you company.

Working out is great stress relief, especially when you miss someone. If you go to a gym, it can be a good way to get yourself out of the house when you’re feeling down. If you haven’t worked out in a while (or ever!) and you feel like you’re going to die at first, don’t get discouraged. It can take some time to get into it, but overall exercise has too many benefits to ignore. Doing hard exercise will do a lot of things for you. You will relieve stress, anxiety, and negative emotions while you are sweating it out. If you still really miss your boyfriend or ex-boyfriend, you might find working out really helps with that. It will also help regulate your sleep cycle. More importantly, working out is very empowering! Feeling physically strong may promote a feeling of mental and emotional toughness, too! Kick that break up right in the butt by getting strong and feeling powerful! There are also ways to make working out social, too. Find a friend or relative who wants to go the gym regularly and make them your work out buddy! It will help keep you on track, push you harder, and will make the entire experience more fun. Another option is to find a team through your gym or parks department. Find a group to play basketball, go running, or whatever you’re into! Better to sweat out the negativity than to hide in your room and turn into a blob because you miss your man.

What happens when you don’t get enough sleep? Will you die? Probably not, but it can make even simple things much more challenging than they would be if you were well rested. Sleep is so important, especially when you are dealing with stress from missing someone. Unfortunately, that’s when it can be the hardest to get the sleep you desperately need. Getting enough sleep will help you feel better physically and mentally. Your emotional regulation will improve dramatically and help you get over missing that guy. If sleep is not a priority for you, it’s time to make it one now. That long distance relationship might mean you spend a lot of nights waiting by the phone for that last text, and maybe you always want to send one more. That could easily carry you into the early hours of the morning without even realizing it. Try if you can to put the screens away an hour before you want to be asleep. Put your phone on do not disturb mode, do not check it, and turn off the TV and computer. Make a bedtime routine. Once the screens are off, start that routine and then go right to bed. Whatever you usually do can be part of the sleep routine: putting on pajamas, brushing your teeth, washing your face, etc. Once you start the routine, though, be sure to finish it uninterrupted and go right to bed. Doing this will tell your body that it’s time to go to sleep. It may take a little while, but soon as soon as you start this sleep routine you will start to feel tired. This will make going to bed and getting enough sleep easier and you may find that you are more rested when you wake up.

Try to plan to do things so you always have something to look forward to. No, days spent in your house moping and missing your boyfriend don't count. Even if it’s just a coffee date or a new movie you want to see is coming out, keep your date book peppered with things you find exciting! If you have the resources to travel, plan a trip for yourself. Maybe visit a city that you’ve always wanted to go to with a good friend after a break up or see your long distance partner for a little vacation. Having events planned for the future keeps you looking forward, instead of backwards to the unchangeable past. However you got here is set in stone, but what you do from now on is up to you! Make the most of it while you can. It can feel like a challenge to plan things like trips or movie dates without a partner, but I would encourage you to try anyway. Some activities that we have always been told have to happen with someone to go with are actually more enjoyable when you are by yourself. Try going to a concert or a movie by yourself if you don’t have a friend to go with. You might be surprised at how nice it is do those kinds of activities independently.

If you already keep a journal, that’s great. If you don’t, let me tell you why you should start. A journal is a truly safe space to say whatever you need to say. If you have things you feel like you need to get out of your head that you might not want to share, even with your best friend, your journal will be there for you. This is important because releasing your emotions from missing him is what will help you get through this challenging time. A journal will also be a good place for you to do some record keeping. As you start to do new things and enjoy your post-break up or otherwise solo life, you can write about that, too. You will be able to track your progress as things get better, page to page. It can be hard to see long term progress when you live in your own body every day, but when you look back through your journal you will see how far you’ve come from missing him. If you don’t have a fresh notebook, go out and buy one that you love. Even if you already keep a journal, maybe it’s time to go get a new one that will symbolize your fresh start on this journey! This may also prevent the desire to go back to honeymoon phase entries that might cause you to spiral into feeling sad because, oops, you miss him again.

This may be the most important thing yet if you want to stop missing him once and for all (and sometimes the hardest. Be sure that you are gentle with yourself through this transition process. It is still hard to stop missing someone, even when you know what to do and you are working hard to make sure everything is okay. Setbacks are normal. One week it might feel like you haven’t missed your partner at all when suddenly the next week it feels like you are starting over. This is something that happens to most people. You will have good days and bad days, just try not to beat yourself up when a bad day happens. This is especially crucial when it comes to all of the new things you might be trying to do to stop missing that person. You may have started to go to the gym every day, make plans with friends every Friday, journal every 20 minutes and do anything you can to not miss them, but know that you can overdo anything, even healthy coping skills. Part of using coping skills effectively is making sure that you do not overdo them to the point of excess. This could backfire on you and lead you into a dark spiral of missing him even more than you did before. Or, if you have been keeping a happy balance of moderation and you begin to slip into doing nothing or doing too much, try to acknowledge that without judgment. That’s something you can address without telling yourself that you’ve messed up. You are human, just like everyone else, and staying on top of your emotions is hard work. You are entitled to have hard days. You should always be proud when you have good days.

I promise, even if it hurts now, you won’t die. The pain from missing someone is temporary and now you know how to fight it! Making big life adjustments is hard work, but like most things that are hard work, it will be more than worth it because YOU are worth it. Remember, every closed door is an opportunity and you are just about to hit your stride. You’ll see that you can flourish all on your own. You don't have to keep missing him. You are a survivor. Now go out into the world and show it what you’re made of!