5 Reasons Your Partner Might Become Emotionally Distant

Relationships are amazing things, until they're not! Sometimes when you least expect it, the person you fell for changes into someone who is right beside you but seems far away. It's hard to understand why a partner becomes emotionally distant. Here are five reasons that your partner may be emotionally detached and some of the signs to look out for so you can prevent your relationship from falling apart.

To be emotionally distant is to be detached from ones emotions. A person who is emotionally distant is detached from his/her emotions and is emotionally unavailable. Emotional distance usually allows for logical and rational behavior because a person who is emotionally unavailable won't rely on his/her emotions to make major decisions. However, emotionally detached behaviors can be tough on a relationship.

One reason that your partner may be emotionally detached is a lack of interest in the relationship specifically or in relationships in general. A person may become emotionally distant if they lose interest in being in their relationship. This is a defense mechanism that a person can use to pull away from an uncomfortable situation. An emotionally distant person may be trying to manipulate their partner into a break up because they fear doing it themselves. A lack of interest doesn't have to be personal. Some people are detached from relationships and are emotionally unavailable. Once they realize they can't give you what you need out of a relationship, they start to pull away more than they already were. This protects both you and your partner. They don't have to worry about the emotional aftermath that comes from ending a relationship and they have detached from the relationship enough that ending the relationship can be looked at in a positive, logical way. In other cases, a person may be interested in a relationship but feels that the current arrangement isn't working for either party. Becoming emotionally distant in a case like this helps your partner detach from the relationship without hurting themselves or you. For the most part, a person who is emotionally distant because of a lack of interest is aware that they are emotionally unavailable to their partner. They are not trying to hurt you by pulling back, but instead are trying to save both of you the inevitable pain that will come when the relationship ends. It may be misguided, because the end of a relationship almost always hurts, but in their minds they are distant because they still care about you even though they are no longer invested in the relationship.

You may notice signs that your partner is becoming emotionally distant the closer you get to the next level in your relationship. Someone who is afraid to commit to a single person will become emotionally unavailable to save themselves. When a person is afraid of commitment, becoming emotionally distant is easier than facing the major change coming in their life. This may be moving in together, getting engaged, or starting a family. Change is difficult for some people to process, and a common coping mechanism is to hide away their emotions and become distant from the ones they used to care about. By becoming emotionally distant, your partner is giving him/herself the opportunity to look at the commitment possibility with a new set of eyes. This emotional distance is not necessarily a bad thing and it doesn't necessarily mean a break up is coming. By taking emotions out of the equation, a person is able to make a clear decision about whether or not they are ready to make the commitment. Temporarily becoming emotionally unavailable gives just enough time to come up with a solution to the commitment problem before making a final decision. The decision may be that the commitment is worth it or it may be that your partner isn't ready for that step. Either way, emotional distance helps them get there. The other side of the equation is a fear of emotion itself. This wouldn't be limited to major life changes like the commitment issue. Instead, a person who is afraid to feel will become emotionally distant when the emotions become too much to handle. This may happen the first time you tell your partner you love them or when they first realize how strong their feelings are for you. Either way, if a person fears emotion, they will make themselves unavailable to those emotions to protect from the intense fear. A person who becomes emotionally distant because of a fear of emotion is harder to reach than one who is afraid of commitment, but it's not impossible to form a lasting relationship with this type of person.

Some people feel a deep need to be alone sometimes. Your partner may become emotionally distant because he/she craves alone time that he/she hasn't been getting in the relationship. A person may show signs of emotional distance if he/she feels suffocated in the relationship and desires alone time. The people most likely to exhibit these signs of being emotionally distant are introverted people. People who are introverted get their energy from being alone. They often need time to themselves to survive. Otherwise, they become lethargic and sad because they are exerting more energy than they are gaining by being around people. Someone who is extroverted gains energy from being around other people so rather than craving alone time; they crave to be in large groups of people. If your partner is an introvert, he/she may revert to being emotionally distant because he/she requires alone time to re-energize. You shouldn't take it personally if your partner distances him/herself from you for this reason. They simply need to recharge so they can come back to you without hurting either of you. Creating an emotional distance between you and your partner is a coping mechanism for people who feel an internal need to be alone. Sometimes introverted people feel like they have to exert the energy to be around people to keep people happy. This overwhelms them until the point where they have to create emotional distance. Once your partner feels revitalized, he or she will come back to you. Just make sure that you give your partner time so that he/she doesn't feel overwhelmed and is able to be emotionally available for both of you.

Like introverts, people who are experiencing high levels of stress are more likely to become emotionally distant. Stress can cause a person to revert back into themselves and deal with problems internally rather than sharing them with their partner. Someone under a lot of stress will find it hard to keep his/her emotions in check, so he/she will attempt to detach from the difficult emotions. In some cases, becoming emotionally distant in times of stress is a really good thing. For example, someone who is experiencing a crisis will be able to distance him/herself from his/her emotions in order to calmly handle the situation. Doctors, police officers, and firefighters have to be emotionally distant in their jobs because they have to be able to make hard decisions under extreme stress. If your partner has a stressful job, he or she may become emotionally distant because it is hard to turn back on emotions after turning them off at work. Most of the time, stress induced emotional distance is temporary. People will only put up walls when they are under extreme stress and once they have escaped from the stressful situation, they will be able to open up to their emotions again. Your partner may need some assistance after the stressful event is over, so a conversation about emotion is really important in maintaining a strong relationship. In the case of people who are under constant stress every day, keeping his/her environment as stress free as possible will help him/her recall emotions once the work day is over. Conversation is the biggest key in these situations, so if you see your partner becoming emotionally distant even when home from work, sit them down to discuss it so you can work through it together.

A lot of people are afraid to be dependent on others. If your partner feels like he/she has become too dependent on you or the relationship, he/she may become emotionally distant. This is a way that a person can detach him/herself from the relationship and prevent further dependence. It also allows the person to feel like he/she has the independence that he/she feels is stifled by the relationship. Extreme dependence in a relationship can be dangerous to both you and your partner. If your partner is dependent on you emotionally and financially, then a breakup could be catastrophic. It also means that person's happiness depends entirely on you and that would put you under a ton of stress, too. You would not only have to worry about your own emotionally stability, but you would constantly have to wonder if your actions may cause your partner to be upset. It is always important to avoid doing something extreme that might cause pain to your partner, but when even buying the wrong cereal could cause your partner extreme unhappiness, the dependence has gone too far. By distancing him/herself emotionally, your partner is attempting to detach his/her emotions from yours. This is very healthy for your relationship and it will help to make you and your partner stronger. If your partner becomes emotionally distant when he/she fears that he/she is dependent on you, it could also mean that he/she is going to end the relationship. This is because even with an emotional distance, it can be hard for someone who is dependent to see a future where that dependence is gone. It could also be because your partner wants to be dependent on someone and they fear losing that dependence. If any of these are true, then you and your partner need to have a long discussion about relationship dependence and whether or not you can continue to be together without feeling dependent on one another.

Now that you know the reasons your partner may become emotionally distant, it's important to look at some of the signs that your partner is already emotionally distant. Here are some examples to look out for if you are concerned that your partner is distancing him/herself from you.

Some of the signs that your partner is emotionally distant can stem from his/her previous relationships. If you know details of his/her previous relationships, look for some of these signs that your partner is emotionally detached. - Your partner has had many relationships in the last year, none of which lasted more than a couple of months. - Your partner has never been in any type of relationship and only dates casually. - Your partner has no contact with anyone they have ever dated before. - Your partner was flirting with you when they were still in another relationship. - Your partner only ever dated guys/girls who were unavailable, including people already in relationships or people who were emotionally unavailable.

How your partner behaves with his/her friends can give you a clue whether or not he/she is emotionally distant. Look for these signs in your partner's friendships to figure out if he/she is emotionally distant. - Your partner has very few, if any, friends. - The friends your partner does have are more like acquaintances. Your partner doesn't know much about them. - Your partner often behaves poorly towards his/her friends. - Your partner only seems to have friends that raise him/her up.

An emotionally distant person will act a certain way in public in order to uphold appearances. Keep an eye out for these public behaviors to determine if your partner may be emotionally distant. - Your partner is extremely rude to staff members when you go out. - Your partner will want to be the center of attention in any situation you are in, especially when there are people around to see them. - Your partner always dresses up to go out of the house because he/she refuses to look weak or bad in public. - Your partner expects a lot out of the people he/she meets in public. He/she will complain when someone doesn't meet his/her standards. - Your partner will stand to the side and watch when at public gatherings. He/she appears to be a predator stalking prey. - Your partner tends to make inappropriate jokes during social situations, including jokes that are insensitive when the atmosphere is somber (like cracking a bad joke at a funeral).

Probably the biggest determination of emotional distance is how your partner behaves when you're alone. Your partner may be able to put on a good mask in public or with friends, but when you're alone at home together, it'll be easier to see that a person is emotionally distant. Here are some signs to look out for. - Your partner doesn't want to get to know you. You ask him/her questions and he/she will answer, but he/she will never respond with questions for you. He/she has no interest in knowing who you are beyond the basics. - Your partner wanted to have sex with you on the first date, or within a few dates. - Your partner is constantly wanting to be sexually active. Rather than talking, your partner wants to have sex. - Your partner will sulk when he/she is upset, but he/she won't respond when you ask him/her what is wrong. - Your partner prefers to be alone even when you're together in the house. - You aren't able to get a read on your partner. He/she evades your attempts at figuring him/her out. - Your partner keeps his/her living space completely perfect. Any small mess drives him/her crazy. - The sex lacks intimacy. You may have a lot of sex with your partner, but it is physical rather than emotional. - Your partner appears cold and distant.

Handling someone that is emotionally distant is really hard. Someone who has put up emotional walls is hard to get through to because those walls are there to keep people out. However, it's not impossible to break through to your partner if he/she is emotionally distant. It will take some time and effort, but you can do it as long as your partner isn't putting up walls because he/she wants to end the relationship. If your partner wants to end the relationship and so is becoming emotionally distant, it is likely that any efforts to break down his/her walls will be ignored. If this is the case, it will save both of you a lot of stress and pain to end the relationship. However, if any of the other above reasons is true, you can work with your partner to become stronger in your relationship. Communication is the biggest help. Talk to your partner about your emotions and slowly coax them into talking about theirs. This will help open the important dialogue. Maintaining a low stress environment and avoiding sexual intercourse that isn't intimate will also help!