How To Tell A Guy You Don't Like Him Without Crushing His Heart

Telling a guy you don't like him without breaking his heart in the process can be hard. Here are a few tips for a smooth rejection process.

By victoria
How To Tell A Guy You Don't Like Him Without Crushing His Heart


People meet, fall in love and, at times, part ways. It's not the best experience, parting ways but sometimes we must. Not all things work out as we picture them in our minds; this is a bitter truth that we all have to learn at some point in our love lives. The inevitable that we all must experience, the thing that will make us cry throughout the night and swear never to fall in love again. It doesn't matter the side you are on, but one thing is for sure it hurts — even if you are the one delivering the bitter news about how you don't like him. After being crushed by a woman, I often find myself asking, "What is it with women and letting guys know they don't like them?" C'mon, I am sure you have also thought about that. We used to date and we were very much in love, no no! I was very much in love, surely that has to mean something? Is it too much to ask of you to tell the guy nicely that you don't like him? Is it necessary for you to strip me of my self-esteem and confidence when you are letting me go, sorry when you are dumping me? One of the most horrible experiences, second to living in hell, of course, is being informed that you are not likable.I mean what don't I have or what should I grow to be likable? When you find out the person you like doesn't return your feelings, it means that you have hopelessly fallen in love with someone who doesn't like you, are we clear? It's painful to discover that someone does not love you; at least you should package this message nicely and deliver it to him or her. Maybe you're not mean when you break the news, but you have no idea of how to deliver such a heartbreaking message. I have to admit it too, I at times I am often confused and scared to deliver such a message and opt for the delay tactic all in the hope everything is going to be all right. This never works! He won't just get the message telepathically that you don't like him. Stop comforting yourself that the cues are all over and he should read them that you don't like him, this rarely works even on another planet like Pluto (Yes I know it's no longer a planet and yes pun intended). Instead of the guy figuring out that you don't like him, the poor man will continue loving you no matter how harsh you are to him — you should not consider this method. Therefore embrace the awkward situation at first and with time everybody will be happy the breakup happened. Not all advice will be appropriate for your situation; different situations should be handled differently so as to achieve efficacy. Here are the tips you should employ when you want to tell him you don't like him.

Be sure of what is happening before you tell the guy you don't like him.

You have just met a nice guy who you think might want to be more than a friend. Don't assume and give him that lecture about 'you really not loving him'. Be sure of what is happening and certain that the guy likes you more than a friend; you can't rely on rumors to go and give him the talk. Just because he texts you regularly does not automatically translate to falling in love with you he might just be the chatty or flirty type. Even if he takes you out for a date, be very sure that he loves you before preparing for the talk. But if its a date where you're just hanging out platonically, don't make the situation weirder by giving him the talk about how you don't like him — be very sure that he loves you and you don't feel the same. Rejection is something big, something that should be thought out. Another thing to consider is what you really feel about him , examine yourself if you love him or there is any chance of you loving him in the future if he does the right thing and says the right words. Don't rush in rejecting the guy he might be your God sent prince charming, you really can't afford to regret when you see another woman enjoying her company. Never rush in rejecting the guy, even if you have just met online and you are getting to know each other over texts. However, if you make up your mind there is no chance you can love the guy, question yourself as to why you want to reject the person and critically analyze a life with him out of it. If everything is well thought of and you have valid reasons start preparing your rejection speech, remember it should be nicely packaged.

Avoid going out with the guy if you are sure you don't like him.

We are human beings; we don't like everyone we meet. Some are just naturally obnoxious, and we can't tolerate them. When we meet people who love us and we really don't feel the same, we are forced to make hard decisions that revolve around telling the guy that you don't like him. One of these decisions is to avoid going out with them — this is after we have extensively analyzed our feelings about how we feel about them. To avoid leading them on or complicating everything, you have to reduce the frequency of your dates with the guy. It really does not matter if you are going out as friends, that is if you are sure he sees you more than just a friend and on the other hand, you wish to avoid the complications of having to tell the guy that you don't see him as a lover. You don't have to tell him straight to his face that you don't want to see him anymore or flat out over text, but you just minimize your encounters with the guy without being so forward about it.

Stop flirting with the guy if you are sure you don't like him

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It's now clear that the guy loves you more than a friend, and you really want to avoid rejecting him nicely in person or over text. You can still avoid telling the guy in his face that you really don't like him, that is by avoiding to flirt with him, all in the hope he will get the hint this early. That is right after cutting the number of dates you have with the guy. If you do communicate a lot over text, avoid sexting, flirting and general texting with the guy you don't like otherwise he will not get the idea that you don't look at him as a potential lover but merely as a guy friend. Remember all of this should be done gradually to reduce the emotional attachment that is starting to develop.

Don't avoid the guy you don't like.

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After making up your mind about how you feel about the guy and you are now sure you don't like him, avoided flirting with him and as for the never-ending dates its now time to face the guy since the nicely thought talk about rejection is imminent. Here is when you plan on telling the guy as nicely as possible that you don't want to pursue a romantic relationship with him (because this is what he is looking forward to, and in his mind, you are actually lovers). A majority of people stall at this stage — but at this stage, it's crystal clear that the talk is inevitable because you are very sure that the guy is not the right one for you, even in another lifetime. You are the one to break it off, to prevent the fling from going way too far — and this cannot be achieved by avoiding him. Another issue that you are going to encounter at this stage is that you are more than likely to procrastinate the I really don't like him talk. However, you should note that the longer you wait, the harder it will get to break it off with the guy. With time he is most likely going to develop strong feelings towards you and will start to be protective over what the two of you have or what he perceives the two of you to have. You can't avoid him forever all in the hope that he will get the hint; you now have to talk to the guy as soon as possible.

Prepare for the talk with the guy if you really don't like him

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You cannot avoid the talk any longer; by now you should have resolved on what to tell him as nicely as possible. It's also advisable to do it in person and not over text, to signify the seriousness of what you want to say and how much you respect him to face him and tell him how you feel about him. You need to be prepared before the talk; it will not really work out if you mumble before him, you should have crystal clear points as to why you are certain it will never work out between the two of you. The preparation will enable you to come up with well-articulated points that will not appear as a way of playing ‘hard to get’ You also don't need him feeling like he should input more effort in wooing you. However, it's also worth noting that breaking things over the phone can be okay, in case you are afraid of how he will react to the news. People react differently to rejections; it's not advisable to be near those who react violently. Hence you should be very much aware of how he reacts to bad news. If you plan for the in-person conversation, you should also prepare for the awkward conversations, which, sadly enough, are inevitable. Facing the discomfort right now will save you from the trouble and the pain you will cause to the person in future. Remember you don't need to be cruel when you are telling the guy you can't see him anymore.

Go for the talk in-person with the guy you don't like

The day is here, the day that you have been carefully thinking about, the day that you have been planning about so as not to break someone’s heart to pieces. The main thing is that you should be prepared and in fact handle him as nicely as possible and remember in-person and not over text. There is no need to be mean. In fact, you can spice up the talk with a compliment or two. Try something like "You are too good for me," (I swear this is the oldest line in the book, but it’s usually effective, especially when someone doesn't want to see you anymore) or 'There is someone out there better for you." Because you are nicely rejecting him, it will help to keep him feeling positive and remind him that he can overcome the heartbreak. While talking to him and complimenting him, be a little bit genuine or sound believable, otherwise he will feel like you are mocking him or making the situation worse — you can't afford him misinterpreting your sincerity, especially if you still want to be friends. He also needs to know and understand the seriousness of the conversation — dumping is never sweet, no matter how nicely it's packed or litterd with compliments. You also need to be honest with him, it’s very easy for someone to detect a lie when it comes to heart matters if he finds out that you are just piling up excuses to dump him he will just end up feeling rejected. There must be a reason why you cannot be with him. Just tell him, even if the reason is that you view him as just a friend, it’s better than made up excuses. While talking, also remember to listen to what he has to say — that’s why it’s called a conversation. Effectively talking and listening will also allow you to end and move past any lingering romantic feelings amicably. For the talk to be productive, stand your ground and make sure that he understands why you are breaking it off with him.

Appreciate the fact that people react differently to rejections.

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When you are preparing for the talk and when you actually engage in the talk one thing should be clear to you, different people react differently to rejection. You should appreciate this fact by now and know that sometimes you can act as nicely as possible but still the results will not be great or even worse the conversation will not yield any fruits not so many people take the I don't like you talk lightly. To some, rejection automatically translates to a permanent enemy right behind the guy that embarrassed him in elementary school. However, some also do react very maturely, and you can still be good friends after that, even after you made it clear that you don't like him as a lover and you want nothing more than friendship. Still about how people react to rejection, the mode of delivery of the news also matters. Therefore you should at least have an idea about how the guy prefers bad news to be delivered to him. Personally, I would love it when you go ahead and reject me with as few words as possible, don't beat around the bush — I will detect what you are about to do and I will end up being crushed all while hoping you are not going to reject me. You should give a short, articulate rejection if that's what he prefers. If you do it nicely, the other person won't hold grudges and you might have a friend for life. If he does not wish to be friends with you, respect his wishes but be mature about this. If you run into him just be cordial, however, don't attempt to reach out to him unnecessarily.

In case of poor reaction, avoid responding to the guy you don't like.

You have tried all of the above, even telling him as nicely as possible but still, he won't accept the fact that you don't wish to get emotionally involved with him. The next humane thing you can do to him is to avoid him and don't respond to his incessant texts and calls all in the hope that he will understand that you don't like him. The guy has proven not to be reasonable and there is technically nothing you can do about it other than avoiding him and failing to respond to his texts — regard this as nicely done too, especially to such kind of a guy.

If it's okay with the guy, you can be good friends after that.

After your talk with a guy — about how you don't like him, there is a slight chance you might end up as friends, don't lead him on or confuse the poor fellow anymore. He has overcome a rejection, he is over you, and you're now friends (thanks to the work you did when rejecting him as a lover). However, just because you can maintain a friendship and you like him now, refrain from leading him or overstepping the friendship boundaries. This will most definitely end up with one of you being hurt; you never know, this time around, you might receive the rejection talk. That is, if he learned. Because your relationship has overcome a lot, please don't stir up another scene that might end up with one of you experiencing emotional havoc or rejection.