Who should pay for dates: You, Me or Go Dutch

Who pay for dates in reality? Find out the truth in this article

By Rebecca jones
Who should pay for dates: You, Me or Go Dutch

Who should actually pay for a date? Should the guy pay for the date or should the lady split the bill with him?

Well if you are going on a date, you are basically looking forward to a fun, interesting and fantastic time, you shouldn't be worried about the expense or who gets to pay for the bill. If a guy invites you on a date, then it automatically becomes his responsibility to make sure you have a great time by planning and coordinating the entire activities of the date including paying for the date, after all, he is the person who is interested in knowing and spending time with you.

On the other hand, if the lady is responsible for inviting a man on a date, even though she is probably going to pay the bill, it is important for the man to at least offer, doing so will show her your intentions and that you are pretty serious about her.

The Etiquette and Rules of Paying for Dates

Well, the truth is, paying for a date can be a little awkward, especially when the waiter is dropping the bill in the middle of an interesting conversation. Sometimes I silently wish the bill would have been paid off when I was in the washroom or something, especially if the guy was the one that asked for the date. Even though there are no compulsory rules as to who should and shouldn't pay for a date, everything is basically done as a form of courtesy to show the other person how important they are.

The following are 3 important rules regarding who pays for a date.

1. The Asker Should Pay

If you are the one asking or inviting another person on a date then you most definitely be the one to pay. When inviting a guy or a lady on a date, you are basically trying to get to know them more and enjoy their company, you don't want them stressing out on how to pay for the date. As the initiator of the date, you are responsible for making sure your date is taking care of.

Think of it like hosting. If you are hosting, you are likely to be covering the expenses for the food and drinks while your guests enjoy themselves. What the guest bring over to offer as a gift or a request to chip in are all gestures that are appreciated but not demanded.

2. The Person Making More Money Can Initiate

Even though you don't get to ask or know how much money your date is making on your first date (awkward), but on the subsequent date, after you've been well acquainted with each other, the person who makes more money can offer to pay for the date.

If you are the person making more money, communicate clearly that this is something you don't mind doing and in return, your date can pick up the tabs for smaller items like desserts or a cup of coffee. Don't make it a one-sided payment and be sensitive to whether your date feels a sense of inadequacy due to a lack of footing the bill.

If you are the person making lesser, appreciate the gesture offered but do not demand or insist your date to pay. Rule one still applies!

Go Dutch

Sometimes, not all date are formal, some dates are so easy breezy, just some drinks or some morning coffee. When going on such casual date, you can both decide to pay the bill by splitting it into half. 

Going dutch is great for matchmaking meetups (For example, a friend decided to set up a meeting for 2 of us, when no one really initiated this) and chemistry with each other is cold to lukewarm. If it is a meetup with love at first sight, please do express your interest by picking up the bill!

When the Women pays on a First Date

Most people find it weird when a woman pays for a date, but in actual sense, if she was the asker of the date then it automatically becomes her responsibility to pay for the bill. Even though most guys won't allow that happen, but it shouldn't be seen as a negative thing.

Some women will gladly pay for the date cause they don't want to feel guilty over letting a guy spend so much on them especially on a first date when they are getting to know each other. And others insist on paying just to give them a sense of independence, if you notice paying the bills makes her happy, then don't insist much and allow her to do as she wishes.

When the Men pays on a First Date

Firstly, if you are interested in a lady, and believe there is a great chance that she might be interested as well, then it becomes your sole responsibility to ask her out on a date, even though women are naturally in touch with their feelings, we can all agree that a man is more likely to ask a lady out on a date first. Covering the bill on the first, second or even third date especially if he initiated the date isn't outrageous. Allowing that doesn't make you a bad person, men like to sweep women off their feet, and allowing them to cover the bill makes them feel pretty important and appreciated. Whether it is a casual, formal or informal date, he is trying to win over your heart, and paying the tab is definitely one of the many ways he can score points with you.

Secondly, when he insists on paying for the date, please don't drag too much, you might be financially independent and want to show him how successful you are, but you need to put aside your pride and allow yourself get treated by him.

Thirdly, when your date probably earns more money compared to you, he may offer to pay the bill and avoid having you split the bill or stress out over the expense. He wants you to be the happiest during that moment, and worrying about money isn't good.

Who should pay for dates in a Relationship?

The invention of modern dating apps and social platforms has made dating a little easier. Once you find someone you are interested in, the next step is to invite him or her on a date. Sounds easy right? Well, it doesn't cause sometimes apart from emotional connection, finances also has a way of coming between you and that perfect one.

Traditionally paying for a date has long been the responsibility of a man or the asker of the date. But now that the world is progressively changing, some women will actually prefer to pay for their expense themselves, especially because they don't want to feel guilty for allowing a man spend money on them especially if it's the first date. While others might not have a problem enjoying a totally free meal, sometimes allowing a person to spend so much on you especially if you are not interested in them can be a little unfair.

For me, the subject of who pays for a date is completely dependant on the initiator of the date. The person who asked for the date, be it the man or the lady should express whether to foot the bill or go dutch. As the asker, you can send out a clear signal on your interest level towards your date and as a date, you will know if the asker is interested in you.

How to offer to pay for the Date without offending the other party?

Well, I believe we all have been through that awkward moment when the bill is placed right in front of you on the table, at that moment a lot of thoughts might be running through our mind, especially because you want to see how the other person reacts. Well I believe settling the bill at the end of a date Itself is an interesting part of the date, this crucial moment can break or make your new relationship. Not that money is the major deciding factor on how well the date went, but it can have an effect on how you both judge and undetermined each other.

If you want to pay for a date without offending the other party, there are 2  methods you can use to make your date feel extremely special while he or she is on a date with you;

1. Paying for the bill without him or her actually finding out

Well, women always find an excuse to go to the washroom. If that happens, you can use that opportunity to actually pay for the date without her actually finding out or vice versa. It will be very kind of the man to relieve the woman from the stress of having to deal with the tension that comes with picking the tabs. As a woman, you can always excuse yourself to the washroom but actually going to the cash counter to pay the tabs!

2. Paying for the bill happily and politely

Sometimes even when the initiator of the date is picking up the tab, you might find out what their true feelings and intention is by their facial expression, body language or the way they talk. Some might go to the extent of making mocking remarks "like don't worry, no need to pretend" just exactly when you are trying to reach out for your wallet, am sure that will totally bring the date to an end, remarks like this are hurtful and can damage the potentials of the relationship. It's very important to be polite and mindful of the other person feelings at all times.


At the end of the day, going on a date should be about learning and discovering more about a love interest. It gives a mixed feeling when the asker of the date, especially if it's on the first date is hesitating to pick the tab.

Your date needs to feel important and footing the bill isn't going to be a factor for preventing the both of you from having a great time. Communication is key. If your date insists on splitting the bill with you, always politely let them know on what your true intentions are. It's always nice if the asker always takes the responsibility of paying for the date, but for in case he or she is not in the financial position to do so, then the other partner should be understanding.