9 break up reasons to explain to your long term girlfriend

How to break up: Reasons to end your long term relationship

By Patti Flinsch-Rodriguez
 9 break up reasons to explain to your long term girlfriend

Identify why this long term relationship is not working

We've all been there.  Sometimes you have to break up with someone you have been in a long term relationship with, and it sucks. No one wants to be on the receiving end of a break up, but it is also difficult to be the one giving the news.  If you are getting the feeling that it's time to part ways, you will have to provide some reasons to your girlfriend since you have been together for a long time.

This is going to sound like homework but it is.  Make a list for yourself (I do not recommend you to read off this list as you are giving her the news) so that you can clearly identify all of the reasons why your long term relationship isn't working for you.  Having this list will be helpful because you never know how the break up is going to go and you may need more than one reason to make her understand why the relationship isn't working.  You don't want to give her the opportunity to interject how it is working for her!

Excuses to be with someone

If your eyes have been wandering, it's time to break up with your girlfriend.  It's not cool to have a harem of women unless you aren't in an exclusive long term relationship.  If your girl does nothing but nag you all day and night, you are going to look for someone else who isn't such a drag to be around.  If your girlfriend doesn't encourage you to be the best person you can be, then you need to break up with her because you want to be with someone who wants you to grow as a person.

No more sparks with your girlfriend

Sometimes you need to break up with your girlfriend because the sparks have evaporated.  When a relationship starts out, there is a lot of passion. As time passes, the sparks peter out.  If the flame is gone, it is time to move on.  You can work this reason into any of the others that you are using to break up with your girlfriend.

How to approach a break up

The way to approach a break up is with compassion.  Could you text her and say, "We're through. I don't want to date you anymore."  Umm, yeah, but that is a total dick move on your part.  Remember, this isn't someone you met on Tinder for a hookup. You have been in this relationship for a while.  At some point, you had feelings for her so be kind when you break it off.

Don't rush through the conversation. Yes, I know you are uncomfortable having this discussion.  However, if you quickly blurt out your reasons and walk out, she probably won't be able to fully understand.  This will result in many tearful phone calls where your girlfriend is demanding more information.  You want to spare yourself and her from that emotional pain, so do the right thing and take your time so you can clearly explain your reasons for the break up.

Related Article: 15 Girlfriend birthday ideas to surprise love of your life
15 Girlfriend birthday ideas to surprise love of your life
 There's nothing better than receiving a thoughtful and beautiful gift for our birthday, right girls?


9 Break Up Reasons

There are so many reasons couples break up, but if you are in a long term relationship, you need to be honest with your lady.  Below is a list of 9 break up reasons to explain to your girlfriend, but be authentic.  Don't just reel off all nine!  She will want to know why you are dumping her so give her the details she is looking for.  You might find a few nuggets here that you can use to explain why you need to end your relationship.

1. I don't love you

If you aren't feeling it and she is, tell her the truth.  You don't love her, and you have doubts as to whether you will ever get there.  It isn't fair to stay in a relationship when both parties are not into it equally.  She will not want to hear this, of course, so be prepared for tears and anger.  She will accuse you of lying to her.  You have to assure her that you were not intentionally trying to hurt her and because of this, you are breaking up with her to cause her less pain in the future.  

2. We grew apart

It happens.  Things start out great, but as the relationship progresses, you have different interests.  She prefers to stay home and read a book and you would rather go bowling with your buddies.  It's fine to have separate interests as long as there are more days and nights that the two of you do things together.  If you would rather hang out with your friends and she would prefer to go to the mall with hers, what exactly is keeping you together?

3. There isn't enough common ground

There is a saying that "opposites attract," and it may be true for a while, but it is usually short-lived.  For relationships to make it, there has to be a lot of common ground.  This means you have similar cultural backgrounds and as a result you share the same foods and holidays.  If you do not come from the same socio-economic levels, it could lead to discontent.  You may argue on how to spend money or where to go on vacation.  You might feel the need to hide recent purchases or lie about the price of things purchased. 

If she went to an Ivy league university and you barely finished high school, there are bound to be differences that you cannot overcome. While these little things might be cute in the beginning of your relationship, it eventually wears thin and gets tired.  You can only pretend for so long that you enjoy a night at the ballet.

4. Your family hates me

This is a good reason for breaking up with her, but it only works if it is true.  You know right away how her family feels about you. You can sense the disapproval when you walk into the room.  If her family invites you to holidays and family events, but then ignores you the entire night, it is a good indicator her family hates you.  

Remember, if her family hates you, she already knows it.  She may try to tell you that it isn't true, but you know.  If they hate you, they are always going to interfere in your relationship and cause problems.  Their goal is to break you two up and point out all of your shortcomings to your girlfriend in the hopes that she will dump you. Constantly trying to defend yourself is exhausting, so you really need to get out of this relationship to maintain your own sanity.

5. I met someone else

If you met someone who made you realize that you don't want to be with your girlfriend, you owe it to your long term girlfriend to let her know as soon as possible.  Don't keep her on the line while waiting to see if the new relationship is going to work out with your new woman.  Once you say that you are with someone else, there is no way your girlfriend will want to stay in a relationship with you, but brace yourself.  She is going to be angry.

6. You don't have time for me

If your girlfriend is trying to better herself by going to the gym a few nights a week or maybe she is staying late at work in hopes of getting herself a raise or promotion, great news!  You can exploit her behavior and use it as the catalyst to break up with her.  Let her know that you are feeling neglected because she is doing all of these other things rather than spending time with you.  Tell her it isn't fair that you are not first in her life and because of this, you want to break up.

7. You are distracting me from work

You can switch it around on her and let her know that she is the one distracting you from your job or your school work.  You can tell her that you need to put the emphasis on your career, and because of this, you won't have any time to spend with her.  Tell her that because you aren't focusing on work that you were passed up for a promotion that should have been yours.  You know the reason you didn't get the new position is because you wouldn't stay late to put in more hours because you were running to meet her after work.  

8. We need to see other people

If you tell your long time girlfriend that you think you should both start seeing other people, she will freak out.  Let her know that you care about her, and you know she cares about you, but it is too soon to declare each other as an exclusive relationship.  Tell her that you want to see other people so that you can be sure that when you settle down it will be forever.  You are trying to spare her the pain of breaking up with her in two years when you finally realize you would rather be with someone else. 

9. You deserve better

Be careful with this reason.  You might be genuine in telling her that she deserves someone better than you, but she could easily come back with, "No, you are perfect for me."  You have to have some good examples to illustrate for her why you are such a jerk.  Remember all the times I was late to pick you up after work?  I left you in the cold for an hour because I wanted to finish up my video game.

Don't oversell her on how wonderful she is because she will attempt to downplay all of it in hopes of making herself seem to be more on your level, and then this break up excuse will backfire on you.


clean break

The key to a clean break up is to be specific.  Give your girlfriend enough details so she believes what you are saying.  Do not offer her false hope.  If she asks if this is just a temporary break, or whether there is a chance you will change your mind, be honest.  It is always harder to do the right thing, but doing so will make it easier for her to move on with her love life if you do.

Related Article: 20 Signs Your Girlfriend Is Cheating On You
20 Signs Your Girlfriend Is Cheating On You
 To fall in love is the most beautiful feeling in the world.