The positive parenting approach is a philosophy that promotes positive and healthy discipline and interactions between you and your child. It is based around techniques and approaches that encourage positive reinforcement and understanding while also ensuring your child’s behavior improves by way of healthy disciplinary action.
These approaches will ultimately strengthen your relationship with your child while helping provide a healthy path to the rest of their childhood. This is vital as this often is a building block to the kind of citizens they will be in adulthood.
The definition of Positive Parenting Discipline
Positive parenting is an approach that teaches how to positively discipline your child as well as how to have mutual respect as parent and child. It further teaches and focuses on the idea of disciplining for their future and development rather than the punishment and cause alone. According to Parentingforbrain.com, studies prove that positive parenting is more beneficial for a child’s emotional, behavioral, mental and scholastic developments.
Positive Parenting Techniques
Fussing at your child is never a fun thing to do. It’s very stressful and can cause both you and your little one more stress and frustration. No matter how big or small the situation, yelling at your child will only do more harm than good.
Thankfully, there are ways around this that will help you and your child reach healthier ground during these moments. You can have a positive result even though your child has done something that wasn’t good. These techniques encourage discipline from you in order to stay calm, and discipline for your child to help adjust their attitudes for positive change.
1. Remain consistent
It’s important to remain consistent in what you expect and not veer from this. If your child has done something to cause harm to themselves or others and you expect it to simply go away on its own, you’re going about it the wrong way. Instead, it’s important to hold them accountable for their actions and hold those expectations of change. If not, this can lead to them only causing more problems for themselves or potentially for others.
2. Only Recognize Attention you Approve of
Paying attention only to behaviors that are acceptable is something that can teach your child how to properly communicate. If you’re constantly giving them attention, at times they may seek it in an unhealthy way, it will only reinforce those same behaviors. This will teach them it’s okay to behave in an unhealthy manner because they still receive attention.
However, if you ignore these behaviors such as tantrums or yelling (to a certain extent), they will understand there’s a better way to get your attention. This, in turn, will prompt an adjustment in attitude and produce more positive behavior.
3. Whatever you Do, No Bribing
As tempting as it may be, never bribe your child for good behavior. What bribe means in this sense is rewarding them for not throwing a tantrum on a day out or, in general. It sends them a message that they have an option on whether to listen or not, which is not that we want. So stand firm to what you expect, discipline them and no bribing.
4. Ensure Self-Control
As the saying goes, two wrongs don’t make a right. Although you are the authoritative figure over your child, you have to watch what you do and how you do it. It’s always easy to react out of anger but you have to implement self-control. Yelling at your child because they are screaming and throwing things is not the answer. It’s best to instead think and collect yourself at that moment, breathe and count if you have to.
If you proceed to yell or hit, they will only think it’s okay for them to express themselves in the same manner. So simply stepping away to calm down and take some breaths can help to clear your mind and bring about a little more patience.
5. Understand Why the Behavior is Happening
Sometimes there are things that cause your child’s behavior. Understanding what this may be can help relieve the underlying cause and allow your child to stop processing their emotions in an angry way. It’s important to keep in mind that a child doesn’t want to act out but instead are expressing themselves the best way they can. So, taking a deeper look can help them overcome whatever may cause them to behave in this way.
Positive Parenting begins with Toddlers
1. Comfort them
While it may seem like it wouldn’t be the one thing to help calm a tantrum, comforting your little one can actually work wonders. Sometimes during a tantrum, your child may be overwhelmed with emotion about whatever has caused it. Giving them a hug can help them feel like they aren’t alone in the complicated world of feelings. This will, in turn, help them snap back to a softer state, allowing you in to help them feel much better.
2. Be in the Moment with Your Child
Life is always happening and we seemingly never get a break from it. Work and home life are often a challenge to balance daily, and therefore require constant attention. This, however, can cause your child to feel neglected, although they are a part of this balance. Sometimes this too can cause them to feel overwhelmed thus leading to acting out with tantrums.
By taking time out each day to be in the present moment with your child, you are giving them your undivided attention which lets them know you haven’t forgotten them through the midst of the daily humdrum.
3. Establish Communication
It’s vital to teach your child early on how to communicate with you. This helps them express themselves in a healthy way, which can create a stronger bond between you both. This also helps them understand how to properly gather their thoughts and the importance of letting you know what they are thinking and how they are feelings. While they may only be toddlers, their brains are constantly developing so it’s essential they express their thoughts as they continue to grow.
4. Implement Discipline but Remain Kind
Remaining kind and calm while disciplining your child is important, as they often pick up on what you do. Getting upset, yelling and saying bad words is something they will learn and believe is right to do when they are upset. This can spiral into other unacceptable behaviors later on.
So firmly telling them no while keeping your cool can still help them to understand respect, obedience and cooperation without raising your voice or calling them names. Doing the latter will only result in negative consequences within their behaviors and lead to more anger and frustration within their emotions.
5. Put Yourself in Time Out
Parenting is a beautiful experience and is certainly a lifelong joy. However, it can be tiring at times and therefore a break during moments of discipline is more than necessary. Disciplinary action can be exhausting especially when having to implement it on a regular basis with your child. If during these moments you find yourself becoming overly angered and losing patience more and more, it’s time to apply the time out strategy….for yourself.
Let your child know you will be back on a bit to continue the conversation, and step into another room. Take some deep breaths and gather your thoughts accordingly, ensuring you are collected enough before returning to them. The point of a self time-out is to ultimately keep in mind what disciplining your child is truly about which is teaching them the right way of character for their well being.
If you lose your cool constantly and exhibit behaviors that are not acceptable, they will simply believe it’s okay to do the same. So stepping away and collecting yourself is best for the wellbeing of both you and your little one.
Top 5 Positive Parenting Books
1. Positive Parenting: An Essential Guide(The Positive Parent Series)
This book is great because of its relatable nature. It was conceived from the mind of an everyday mom who likes most, were frustrated from the woes of toddlerhood. However, she began to change her approach and shared her tips online. After building a solid readership on the web, she compiled her advice into her book. This book is sure to bring a deeper understanding of how to naturally regain and strengthen your relationship between you and your little ones despite the frustration of tantrums.
2. The Whole-Brain Child
An in-depth explanation as to why kids behave the way they do, The Whole Brain Child offers various solutions to help get passed the daily struggles of raising your little one.
3. Parenting with Love & Logic
This book teaches you to effectively work your way through tantrums and struggles in power, and into the other end of the development of good behaviors and character by way of simple, effective strategies.
4. The Gift of Failure
The Gift of Failure is a gift all on it's own as it teaches parents the art of not 'overparenting' and instead learn to foster the chracteristics and behavior within your child to help shape their future development, no matter their age.
5. Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids
Peaceful Parent, Happy Child is the ultimate guide on how to deal with tantrums. It teaches you to forego the struggle and how to focus on connecting with your child directly in order to lead a healthy and happy, parent-child relationship.
Remember, as you teach your child good characteristics and traits that can nurture them positively as they grow. These positive traits will stay with them as they venture the world out on their own in time to come.