What is flirting: The 5 types of Flirting Styles to learn

Textbook definition suggests that flirting is a social and sexual behavior that involves verbal or written communication, as well as body language, by one person to another, either to suggest interest in a deeper relationship or just for fun.

Unless you're an alien from another planet, everyone flirts every day or at least at some point in their lives, be it knowingly or unintentionally, but we do not all do it in the same way. Some people flirt using body language while others do it with their speech. 

A  study carried out by the  University of Kansas on 10,000 people found out that there are 36 verbal flirting cues — like complimenting, asking questions, and divulging information — and nonverbal flirting cues — like leg-crossing, leaning forward, and nodding. It also concluded that the different cues of communicating attraction reveal a person's specific flirting "style." And that there are 5 main styles of flirting: physical, sincere, playful, polite and traditional flirting. Understanding the way each flirting style works may help you know which kind fits you best, the ones you could learn and may also get you that first date you’ve been dreaming of.
 

Do you let your body do all the work when you’re flirting? If you do, this is your flirting style. The first flirting style uses body language to communicate and show interest, it is primarily physical and very touchy feely. 

Physical flirting does not require you to say a word to the person you have your eye on. All you need is your body language and physical touch to express sexual interest. Those who naturally touch your hand when laughing or place a hand on your knee when talking to you fall under this category. When they see someone they like across the room, their bodies react by encouraging the person to come closer, then when they start an interaction, the physical flirt will find it natural to place a hand on your thigh, knee, shoulder or touch your hand with a finger while talking to you. This flirting behavior ends up developing relationships faster and creates a higher chance of physical chemistry between two people from the onset.

If this is your flirting style, you should be aware of the fact through your flirtatious body language works with most people, it could be annoying to others as it may sometimes come across as being too invasive and you as someone who’s full of themselves, so know when to tone it down a little for the best outcome.

It’s a very casual style of flirting, and it can be fun for both parties. Playful flirting is classified as the most controversial of all the styles. This is because those who engage in this type of flirting usually have little or no interest in romance, they just flirt for flirting sake or as a means to an end. For example, they flirt to manipulate a person or situation and to get their own way. For them, flirting is just a tool and a game, playful flirty people use their charm and charisma everywhere they go. To get jobs, favors, preferential treatment and everything they need. They are those people that are usually everyone's friend and are hard to resist.

Do you flirt just for sport? Is flirting a means to an end for you?  Or do you naturally gravitate towards flirting with people for no specific reason at all and with no intentions? Then you’re most definitely a playful flirt. Keep in mind that this type of flirting repels people who are interested in a serious relationship and that hearts are broken when you send mixed signals. 

This style is loved by those that are reserved, shy and introverted in nature or in certain cultural contexts. People who use this style tend to be respectful and very hands-off. They create space and exhibit proper manners and polite interaction, it’s sometimes difficult to tell if they’re flirting or just being nice. Polite flirting is the least obvious of all the styles and it’s often the most genuine. It does not require hands-on physical contact, extreme body language or compliments and establishing a strong emotional connection to be effective. This style is focused on the natural and genuine flow of events.

The best part about polite flirting is that people who engage in this style tend to create deep and meaningful romantic relationships over time. The downside is that sometimes people won’t even notice you’re flirting with them, you could come across as simply being polite. This style is so subtle your crush may never realize you’re flirting or hitting on them.

The most common style of flirting, sincere flirt focuses on using words and compliments to get to know the real you and find common ground that could later develop into an emotional bond. With the hope that physical chemistry will take care of itself later on in the relationship. If you’re a sincere flirt, then you usually try to find common ground with someone when they catch your eye, you may ask them about a book they’re reading, the music they’re listening to in order to break the ice and then start a conversation about your interest in the thing.

The goal here is flirting by communicating attraction through self-disclosure which creates emotional ties that subsequently lead to a relationship. Flirting with this style ends up developing a strong emotional bond that leads to emotionally satisfying romantic relationships because both parties connect on a spiritual or intellectual level. 
Overall, this is the most effective style and even if you don’t end up dating your crush, it usually leads to a meaningful and long-lasting friendship, how cool is that?

In this category, the man always makes the first move and the woman is more reserved and is on the receiving end. Traditional flirting emphasizes on traditional gender roles. For example, the guy will ask the questions and the girl will answer, the man will lean in and make advances while the woman will be more passive. Here the man is in the role of the polite but insistent pursuer and woman the shy object of his attention and affection. A typical fairy tale romance approach of the knight in shining armor and the damsel in distress.

An example of this style of flirting is seen in online dating, and those who practice it are often women, though some men prefer these traditional roles where the man does all the work, pursues and tries to please, takes initiatives and adopts an open body posture while the woman sits back and waits.
Sounds like a movie from the Victorian age? Well, some people still prefer it this way.

The downside to this type of flirting is that the woman will most likely miss out connecting with great guys because of her passive role which most modern men could misread as a lack of interest. As most will prefer a woman who shows equal interest or at least gives them a sign that they're on the right path and not on their own.
 

Dr. Jeffrey Hall, a professor at the University of Kansas who directed the research on 10,000 people and analyzed the results believes that the type of flirting you use can influence the type of relationships you end up in. While there are no right or wrong flirting styles, some of them are more effective than others, depending on the kind of results you’re hoping to achieve. So, it matters to know in what category you fit and how this could affect your relationships as well as to be able to identify the flirting styles of those who approach you. An added bonus is that you can learn new styles and even incorporate different flirting styles to your natural one. Having a trick or two down your sleeve is always a useful skill when it comes to matters of the heart and dealing with people. You never know when one style could come in handy.

Which type of flirt do you think you are? And what style will you like to learn?