May there be science involved or not, everybody can agree that a breakup is as agonizing as getting your tongue pierced. A breakup is tough and painful to go through. No one's looking forward to it, but everybody has to face it at one point or another. While the entire process is excruciating and emotionally exhausting, getting through the healing and recovery process is essential to moving on and eventually entering a new relationship, if you please.
How to Recover Healthily and Quickly from a Breakup for Guys
“Real men don’t cry,” they like to say. Thanks to that stereotype, too many guys out there end up suppressing their grief and do not use the recovery period to learn more about themselves, relationships, and themselves in relationships.
“Men are more prone to being shocked,” says Dr. Gary Brown, a licensed therapist in Los Angeles. “The greater the shock of the loss, the longer it takes to recover.”
Let’s start with the basics, shall we?
1. Talk About It
We’ve all seen breakups coming among our own circle of friends, sometimes months before the ax falls. Your pals probably could have predicted yours. So, call your best man, grab a beer, and talk about it. To the best friend, ask but only once. Because if it’s all you talk about, you’ll soon be drinking alone.
2. Block Her
Minimize or better yet block your ex from social media. Limiting on how much of your ex you see and how much they can see of you on Facebook is a huge step towards healing and recovery. If you want to go the extra mile, install an app like KillSwitch, which erases any traces of your ex from your Facebook profile. You should also probably block your ex on Instagram too, even if it's just temporary or permanent— but whatever you do, don't create a fake profile only to view their stories because that defeats the purpose of this whole article. Stalking or orbiting your ex-girlfriend is a real thing and you'll never be able to let go truly.
The last thing you need is a photo of your ex commandeering the screen at the wrong moment. What do you do? Well, if it’s truly over and there’s no chance of you guys getting back together, it’s best to delete all of your photos with her. Otherwise, feel free to hide those images.
3. Be Busy and Expand Your Network
It’s imperative that you stay busy and distract yourself after a bad breakup. Push yourself to make plans for most of your waking hours. Go on a trip by yourself or with friends, learn a new hobby, lift some weights at the gym or start a new business. When you focus your attention and do new things, you elevate this feel-good substance, boosting energy and hope.
Do anything that forces you to concentrate your attention and forget sadness and frustration.
4. Love Yourself
When there’s anger, there’s a desire for revenge, especially after a bad breakup. Your mind goes on and on about negative things to get back at her. Stop! Just stop. It’s not worth the time and energy. When you were still together, it was always about selflessness and conquering life as a couple, but now it’s time to be a little selfish and independent. All that matters now is you and what you deserve. Rebuild your soul, pamper yourself, and most importantly take care of your heart and learn from your mistakes.
How to Recover Healthily and Quickly from a Breakup for Ladies
Research shows that men and women handle breakups quite differently. Yes, a breakup is painful; however, how women recover from one isn’t the same compared to men. Women, in general, bounce back fully from a breakup and move on faster than men. But how?
For the ladies out there, here are some things you can do to help yourself cope and heal.
5. Just Cry and Let It All Out
You're emotionally exhausted, and that’s a fact. You have no energy for anything and everything. You just want to cry. Go ahead and let it all out.
Crying has a soothing effect. It relieves pain, stress, and enhances your mood. It's good for your broken heart and mends your damaged soul.
6. Accept and Stop Blaming Yourself
He's not coming back. The blaming game is over. Why waste time trying to get him back or reliving the breakup scene? No matter how many times you rewind and play the footage in your head, your present condition will not change.
Allow yourself a few sleepless nights, but don’t compromise your physical and mental health in the process. Accept the truth and see things for how they truly are. Believe it or not, the recovery period starts with acceptance.
Comedian Lily Tomlin once said, “Forgiveness is giving up all hope for a better past.” Forgive him (or not) and forgive yourself. Acceptance allows us to let go of all the chains that bound us to the broken relationship and pushes us to take slow steps forward.
7. Let's Get Physical
Get that beauty sleep, eat something healthy, and exercise. A breakup can leave us with feelings of sadness, depression, anger, and a loss of control. Instead of wallowing in those feelings, how about challenging yourself to let the effects of a good night’s sleep or a good workout session take over.
Sleeping soundly means you have a clear head come morning while exercising is an excellent avenue to release stress and negative emotions. Furthermore, these two activities take time and capture your attention, which means fewer chances of thinking about the past. With this approach, you start the recovering process feeling and looking great!
8. Travel and Reconnect
No one said a relationship was easy. It requires so much time and effort, with many of our daily decisions being made around our partner. Experiencing that relationship shatter into a thousand pieces leaves a void in our lives that feels impossible to fill.
You may need to rediscover what it’s like to be self-sufficient after a breakup. This is when travel works wonders. You get to explore a new place, meet new people, and make priceless memories. A change of environment will help in filling the gaps left by your ex.
Traveling and reconnecting with your core identity means you are distracted from the past while strengthening your heart and soul and setting the pace for moving on.
Top 3 books on how to recover from a breakup
1. The Wisdom of a Broken Heart:
Those who were skeptical about self-help books had their doubts overturned with this book. The book doesn’t claim to fix your broken heart or any of the other feelings you’re going through; it does, however, apply a holistic Buddhist approach to broken-heartedness. It teaches us to sit with the pain of a broken heart patiently.
It is both deeply philosophical and practical and ends with a seven-day self-imposed retreat of sorts to help you process everything.
Relatable Quote: “Our culture generally views tears and what may lie behind them—sadness, anger, disappointment, fear—as signs of a problem. Something has gone wrong. Somebody needs to figure out who screwed up so we can set this thing right. However, tears are actually sweet things. They are signs of authentic feelings.”
2. The Breakup Bible
Breakups are an unfortunate but inevitable part of every woman’s life, and there’s no denying that the heartache experienced after the ending of a serious relationship can be excruciating. However, it doesn’t have to feel insurmountable, and there is always hope to overcome and move on.
The Breakup Bible proves that it is possible to not only survive a breakup but to emerge from one as an even stronger, empowered woman.
Relatable Quote: “A breakup is the single most traumatic event in the life of a woman outside of death. Some women can take years to recover.”
3. Breakup Rehab
After her devastating breakup, counselor Rebekah Freedom McClaskey became inspired by her work in the field of addiction recovery to craft a safe, step-by-step path to forging healthy relationships based on honesty, love, integrity, and trust. Breakup Rehab addresses post-breakup chaos, providing clarity and direction so that your next relationship will be your best relationship.
This wise, down-to-earth, and often humorous guide acknowledges the state of grief and resignation that comes with a breakup and then walks you through the stages of forgiveness and letting go. Along the way, you'll experience a more compassionate self-awareness as you rebuild self-confidence and learn how to be loved for who you truly are. These steps will propel you forward on your unique path, as you recognize your life's purpose and then travel toward well-being and a love that will set you free.
Relatable Quote: “Let go and forgive. Trust your authentic self. Make wise decisions. Face your fears with love. Live your purpose. Examine your judgments, respond with compassion. Practice humility and gratitude; overcome pride and grow forward. Recognize the strength in your vulnerability. Maintain your integrity. Own your power to love. Create the love you want.”
There are millions of ways in recovering and healing from a breakup whether it’s bad, good or mutual. With all the suggestions you come across, take them with a grain of salt, and consider applying what works for you.
The good news is that all paths lead to recovery and moving on.