Feeling Troubled About Your Relationship?
Have you ever heard about having a narcissistic partner? Do you feel like this might be your case, or that something is not quite right in your relationship, but you don’t know what it is yet? Don’t worry, we have got your back!
To clarify some things and understand how this situation works, we will give a deep look into narcissistic love relationships, how to identify them, and how to deal with them. Keep reading to find out!
What is a narcissistic relationship?
With the term narcissistic relationship, I do not mean that both parties are narcissistic, but that one of the parties suffers from the narcissistic personality disorder, which leads to certain actions that may affect the emotional well-being of their partner.
As the narcissists do not know how to love themselves or how to satisfy their needs, they feel a constant emptiness that they try to fill with other superficial questions such as fame, money, clothing or company.
In fact, many narcissistic people, at first sight, seem to enjoy high self-esteem; however, it is the opposite, they are insecure and tend to undermine others, make them feel less and take attitudes that make them notice or stand out among people.
This type of attitude is immediately reflected in relationships, as those who suffer from a narcissistic personality disorder can not feel sadness, are afraid of the feeling of need or vulnerability, lack empathy, tend to egocentricity, and criticize or devalue their partner to maintain their feeling of greatness.
On the other hand, a narcissistic partner acquires an attitude of all or nothing, in which there is no middle ground, they idealize or despise, they are not able to recognize their mistakes and they are even capable of manipulating to achieve what they want, since they do know how to face disappointment or frustration and the best way to achieve their goals is to look down on their partner.
Is Your Partner a Narcissist? 5 Tests You Can Take To Find Out
Now, we are going to show you 5 tests you can take to find out if your partner is a narcissist. Do them right now and have no more doubts!
1. Simple checklist
Answer these questions:
a) Does this person act as if all life revolves around them and their needs?
b) Do you have to be praising them for their attention or approval?
c) Do they constantly divert the conversation to talk about themselves?
d) Do they invalidate or minimize, directly or indirectly, your feelings, needs, and interests?
e) Are they always teaching you, lecturing or correcting something?
f) If you disagree with them, do they become cold or stop talking?
g) If you make them see an error or defect, are they unduly altered?
h) Does everyone seem an idiot to them?
If you answered yes to two or more questions, chances are you are relating to a narcissist.
2. Single Item Narcissism Scale
Sara Konrath and her team at the University of Indiana, have managed to develop a narcissistic diagnosis scale with a single question. This is not usual since the scales are usually composed of large numbers of items. The scale that these scholars have developed is the so-called Single-Item-Narcissism Scale (SINS).
The question is as simple as: are you a narcissist? Ask it your partner and see if the answer matches the explanation below.
Narcissistic people tend mostly to answer "yes" to the question. In this way, they claim themselves as narcissistic people and inflate their ego at the same time. Actually, narcissists do not consider narcissism to be something bad or reprehensible. In fact, they tend to be quite proud of it. A good number of investigations have found that narcissists often admit without qualms that they behave in a narcissistic way, and do not feel any discomfort describing themselves as conceited, arrogant, etc. They even seem to strive to be more narcissistic!
3. Online quiz
This online quiz by vixen daily will help those who have a male partner figure out if he is a narcissist in their relationship. Take it and get the answer once and for all. It will only take a couple of minutes!
4. Will I Ever Be Free of You?
This next copyrighted checklist comes from the book Will I Ever Be Free of You?—How to Navigate a High-Conflict Divorce from a Narcissist, and Heal Your Family: Is Your Partner a Narcissist? By Karyl Mcbride, a psychologist expert in narcissism. It is aimed for married or divorced couples mainly, so take that into account before taking it. Answer these questions with yes or no. The more yes, the higher the narcissism your partner suffers:
1 When something goes wrong, does your partner blame everyone but himself or herself?
2 Does your partner refuse to be accountable for his or her bad behavior? (For example, “You made me so mad that I couldn’t help . . .”)
3 Does your partner believe he or she is always right?
4 Is your partner unable to tune in to your feelings or your children’s feelings?
5 Does your partner seem more concerned about how your behavior or your children’s behavior reflects on him or her than on understanding and accepting who you and the kids are as people?
6 Does your partner seem to be out of touch with his or her own feelings or seem to deny them?
7 Does your partner carry grudges against you and others?
8 Is it all about your partner and his/her money, time, parenting time, property, and wishes/demands?
9 Does your partner seem unwilling to listen to you and to hear your concerns?
10 Is your partner constantly telling you what to do?
11 Does your partner make you feel “not good enough”? Have your partner’s constant put-downs caused you to internalize this message?
12 Does your partner never ask about you, your day, or your feelings, even in passing?
13 Does your partner need to go on and on about how great he or she is and how pathetic you are?
14 Does your partner lie?
15 Does your partner manipulate?
16 Does your partner tell different people different stories about the same event, spinning the story so that he or she looks good?
17 When your partner talks about his or her kids, is it about what the kids do rather than who they are?
18 Are the children uncomfortable with your partner, love your partner, but at the same time are reluctant to spend time with him or her?
19 Have you come to realize that the kids protect themselves by not sharing their feelings with your partner?
20 Does your partner mistrust everyone?
21 Are the kids always trying to gain your partner’s love and approval?
22 Has your partner spent minimal time with the children?
23 Does your partner typically skip the children’s events if he or she does not have an interest in that particular activity or does not value it?
24 Does your partner push the children to be involved in activities that your partner likes or values and discourage or forbid them from pursuing activities that your partner does not value?
25 Have others in your life said that something is different or strange about your partner?
26 Does your partner take advantage of other people?
27 Is your partner all about power and control, pursuing power at all costs?
28 Is your partner all about image and how things look to others?
29 Does your partner seem to have no value system, no fixed idea of right and wrong for his or her behavior?
30 After the divorce, does your partner still want to exploit you? Or has your partner never calmed down?
31 When you try to discuss your life issues with your partner, does your partner change the subject so that you end up talking about your partner’s issues?
32 When you describe your feelings, does your partner try to top your feelings with his or her own stories?
33 Does your partner act jealous of you?
34 Does your partner lack empathy?
35 Does your partner only support things that reflect well on him or her?
36 Have you consistently felt a lack of emotional closeness with your partner?
37 Have you consistently questioned if your partner loves you?
38 Does your partner do considerate things for you only when others are around to witness that good behavior?
39 When something difficult happens in your life (for instance, an accident, illness, a divorce in your family or circle of friends), does your partner react with immediate concern about how it will affect him or her rather than with concern for you?
40 Is your partner overly conscious of what others think?
41 Do you feel used by your partner?
42 Do you feel responsible for your partner’s ailments or sicknesses?
43 Do you feel that your partner does not accept you?
44 Is your partner critical and judgmental of you and others?
45 Do you feel that your partner does not know and value the real you and does not want to know the real you?
46 Does your partner act as if the world should revolve around him or her?
47 Does your partner appear phony to you?
48 Does your partner swing from grandiosity to a depressed mood?
49 Does your partner try to compete with you?
50 Does your partner always have to have things his or her way?
5. Psychological test
Of course, the best way to identify any condition ever is actual medical tests done by professionals. Your partner might not be too fond of taking it, or they will not accept at all, but try talking them into it. At least try to get them to do it. It will be the best way to confirm this personality disorder by far.
Quotes on Narcissism
“Stay away from lazy parasites, who perch on you just to satisfy their needs, they do not come to alleviate your burdens, hence, their mission is to distract, detract and extract, and make you live in abject poverty.” ― Michael Bassey Johnson
"Withhold admiration from a narcissist and be disliked. Give it and be treated with indifference." - Mason Cooley
"Whoever loves becomes humble. Those who love have, so to speak, pawned a part of their narcissism." - Sigmund Freud
Tips on How To Deal With a Narcissistic Partner
After reading all this, we all think that we are not going to have a relationship with a narcissist. Are you sure of that, tho? Narcissists are people who achieve many things and positions of power, are seductive and often seek fame and attention, so it is not surprising that they attract the love of people through seduction and being lovely (at least at first). Only after getting this hook, the narcissist will show his other side.
Now, if you detect that your partner is a narcissist early, run away. But if you are already hooked and hopelessly in love, here are some tips for relating to a narcissistic person:
1. Figure your problems out
We all have them, and although it is true that the narcissist is usually a good seducer, you may also have empty or internal conflicts that make you not only fall in love with such a person but feel that you can not leave them. Personal therapy can be the first step to get out of a toxic relationship or to improve coexistence with a narcissist, this will depend on the objectives that are set in the therapy and the type of relationship.
2. Treat them like this
Do not fall into the temptation to praise them all the time, be aware of their manipulations, expose criticism with delicacy and sincerity and remind them that there is nothing wrong with not being perfect.
3. Don't fall for their manipulation
They will try, that is clear, the narcissist needs all the time to manipulate others, denigrate them, put them to the test and make them see how little they are, and if they see you as a threat, they will attack with more force. Do not let yourself be manipulated, your self-protection and the protection of your self-esteem come first. Getting into a conflict with them will not help either, so keep a strong mind and just don’t let that affect you.
After reading this article, we are sure that your narcissistic partner won't be a big problem for you anymore. Take the tests and our tip, and handle the situation like a pro!