Recapping The Notion Of Marriage
In today’s fast-paced society marriage means different things to different people, the modern notion or understanding of the institution of marriage is tailor-made to suit each couple and their individual needs, making it almost impossible to universally define the notion of marriage and its original sense. For some, marriage is about sharing a bed, a bathroom, a mortgage, contracts, credit agreements, kids, etc.
In reality, marriage does not only mean sharing all those personal moments and personal space with someone but also means the sacrifice you have to make for someone else’s happiness. Marriage means that even when you know you’re right you have to admit that you’re wrong to preserve your marriage. It also means that you cannot stray, or give up no matter how bad things get in your relationship. You have to make do with the imperfections, fights are temporary, and you’re always on your best behavior in front of outsiders no matter what. It also means when everyone lets you down, there’ll always be someone by your side, no matter how sick you are, there is someone who will support you and love you no matter what. Marriage means forever no matter what.
However, despite our best intentions, marriage is never just a bed of roses or a Disney movie as some may think. There are times you feel something other than love for your spouse and even the best marriages are not spared. Times when you hate your spouse and will gladly drain the life out of them in their sleep if you could get away with murder. Rest assured you’re not alone, a psychopath or a monster, every healthy marriage has experienced this even if they don’t admit it. They hate you’re feeling is as a result of resentment, hurt, disappointment, or rejection, that has built up over time. Once you identify the exact emotion, it can be fixed.
It Is Not About The Person, It is About the Marriage
There is a dark side to marriage that is seldom discussed, a side that plays out in the shadows, and far too often goes unrecognized and unacknowledged. All marriages inevitably slip into this dark side at some point — and if someone tells you that their marriage never has, they’re lying. You look at your spouse and think ‘’ I hate you right now’’. Experts even believe that if you don’t go through periods of annoyance and even disgust towards your partner, you haven’t broken through the superficial barrier and explored the dark crevices that make up a healthy marriage.
No one really knows why some marriages last and others fail but one thing is sure those that stand the test of time have come to the realization that it’s not about the person, it’s about the marriage. They have a bigger picture approach to the challenges they face as a couple, they acknowledge the cracks and shadows of their union and their partner and believe that in the end what truly matters is the marriage and the family.
10 Reasons Why I Hate Marrying
We’re talking about the things leading to that moment when you feel like you can’t stand to be around, look at, smell, or listen to this person for one more minute. You feel a wave of seething anger, disgust, resentment and full-blown rage towards your spouse, which causes you to hate being married.
From The Wives
1. Personal Hygiene
Men aren’t actually known for their organizational skills, especially around the house. Wives find it highly irritating when husbands leave their dirty socks on the floor, throw a wet towel on the bed, shave and leave hair in the shower, dirty dishes in the sink or eat on the couch. The list is long, some women complain about being disgusted with their husbands for noisily burping or passing gas and or for not putting away dirty clothes.
A very recurrent complaint from women about their partners is that they forget important stuff all the time. From important dates like birthdays and anniversaries, appointments, picking something up from the store or to take out the trash. Wives feel they have to constantly remind their husbands if they want things to get done. This lack of follow-through puts a strain on your marriage as she feels unheard, her requests are being dismissed and she has to repeat herself over and over.
3. Being Unappreciated
Feelings of neglect and unappreciation are some of the common reasons for failed marriages. You feel your husband is in his own world and you’re watching from the outside. He’s a great guy and an even better father but sometimes he just shuts out, and you perceive this as a lack of interest in you and your marriage. You feel left out and that all the work you put in and the effort you make goes unnoticed. You clean, cook and take care of him and the kids every day round the clock with so much as an acknowledgment from him.
4. Lack of Work-life Balance
No couple time? Well, you’re not alone. A lot of women complain about their significant others not making time for their couple. The man feels the burden of providing for his family so he focuses on making a living and every other thing is set aside. As he focuses more on his work life, on the demands of his job and his home becomes a second place, resentment grows in his marriage. The wife starts hating the marriage more and more every day, over time these feelings intensify. And if they’re not dealt with they can spiral out of control creating a wedge between husband and wife.
5. Looking or staring at other women
Another common complaint is that men stare at other women in the presence of their wives. When you’re with your husband and another woman walks by, he can’t help but stare at her and her attributes. This drives most women are crazy, they feel disrespected and see it as a kind of disloyalty from their husband. Unless you’re a super zen master you’ll be disgusted and appalled by your husband when he does that. Especially if the other woman is younger, prettier or your wife has certain insecurities that are bothering her at that time.
From The Husbands
6. The Silent Treatment
Women are universally known for their mastery of the art of the silent treatment. When your wife is angry about something, and you can’t even seem to figure out if it’s something you did or failed to do. She won’t talk to you, when you ask what’s going on she says everything is fine but you know it isn’t because she’s cold and as quiet as a graveyard, sounds familiar? I bet every husband’s answer to this is a big, fat YES!. One would think being with someone for a long time will give you clues on how to understand them and navigate their thoughts but husbands just don’t get why their wives won’t speak up and address what’s bothering them instead of going all mute and leaving them to guess what the problem is. Sometimes all it takes to smooth things is a conversation.
7. Being critical
Men hate it when you criticize and find fault in everything they do, her way is always better, he doesn’t know how to load the dishwasher ‘’correctly’’, boil water, make the bed, walk the dog or feed the kids. Everything he does is micromanaged and criticized, he feels like a 10-year-old who can’t do anything right. Heck, you have something to say even about the way he sleeps and how he chews. Very few guys like a woman who’s bent on changing them. It takes a toll on you to be nitpicked, always directed, and not trusted as a capable adult.
8. Mood Swings
Some men feel as though their wives intentionally look for things to argue about. They’re unpredictable, you never know what to expect when you walk through the door. Your happiness and peace of mind depend on how they’re feeling that day. After working all day, the last thing most husbands need when they get home is a fight with their wife. Men are usually baffled at how much a woman's mood can change within a single day. Sometimes to avoid a confrontation they shut down and retreat until the storm calms and your mood changes from tsunami to lovey-dovey. From the male point of view, it’s unfathomable how a person can go from happy to mad in a nanosecond.
9. Different order of priorities
When men marry and have children, they regard their kids as the fruit of their union, their love, and their marriage but once a woman becomes a mother, her kids are her number one priority and everything else plays second fiddle. By the time they finish handling all that needs to be handled their husbands are at the bottom of their list of priorities. Most husbands say they come after the children, her family, her ‘’ me time’’, her friends and in some cases the family pet, worst of all if she has a career.
This is often manifested in small aspects of daily life like for example when she shops, she buys for the kids, herself, her parents and it’s a miracle if he ends up getting a tie, a pair of socks, or underwear.
10. Little or no sex
Sex is the number one issue men complain about in marriage, husbands say wives use sex as a tool, something you reward him with when you’re happy and withhold from him when you want to punish him. Some wives never initiate sex and when the husband does they just lay there like a log of wood waiting for him to get it over with. Love Making which was so exciting in the beginning has become more like a chore, an obligation than an enjoyable act of bonding. This often leads to guys turning to porn to spice up their sex life or an affair to get what they never get at home.
Having these issues and hates being married does not necessarily mean your marriage is over or your relationship is doomed. They’re all fairly normal complaints by most couples, as long as they’re addressed and not left to build up into something else, you’ll be just fine. Start by learning each other’s love language so that you can connect with your partner on a level that satisfies both parties. If being loved to you means him taking out the trash and helping around the house and for him, it means hugging and kissing you, then there’s a great chance of a huge disconnect.
Most of the time, feelings of hate pass in marriage last for a relatively short time, they come and go. But if they don’t, if you find yourself hating your spouse day in and day out, then there’s an underlying issue that is much more serious. At this point, you should seek the help of a therapist or a trusted counselor to figure out if you can work through your issues or it’s time to part ways.