8 Important Steps to An Affair Recovery Process

Learn affair recovery and how to heal yourself in the process

By Anastasia K
8 Important Steps to An Affair Recovery Process

The Timeline and Stages of Emotional Affair Recovery

Once you realize your spouse is having an affair, you become frustrated, disgusted, sad, and angry. You can choose to end the engagement or mend it. Whichever way you choose, you will undergo several phases of recovery which include the following:

1. Phase one (1 - 6 months)

During this phase, you are emotional, in shock, and stressed. You tend to raise many questions and trying to figure out what you were not doing right to make your spouse cheat on you.

At this point, your sense of judgment goes down, and you are not able to make rational decisions. You lose your appetite and may lose weight or add a lot of weight if you are the type that eats a lot when stressed.
It is essential to keep your close friends close to help you with decision making at this time. They are the people that allow you to cry yourself out and listen to you without judging.

The cheating spouse is also adjusting and trying to make you forgive them. Guilt and shame are written all over their faces, and they are not able to look at neither you nor your friends.

2. Phase two (6 months to 1 year)

You have shaken most of the anger and are now ready to start healing. During this time, you will seek to understand why your spouse had an affair. You will find a starting point if you are aiming at saving your marriage.

At this point, if you had had enough grief during your first phase, you are good to make decisions on your own. People will give you different opinions on what you should do, but it is up to you to decide.

It is not an easy phase since most of the time, you will feel like quitting trying each time you remember the affair. You keep feeling like your spouse will do it over again, but do not stop trying.

When the burden is too much for you, do not shy away from seeking assistance from professional coaches. However, be careful about who you pour your heart to, lest you become the topic of discussion in people’s mouths.

3. Phase three (1 - 2 years)

It is the final and most prolonged phase of recovery. Despite it being the last, it could take longer since trust takes time to recover. Things might start getting better but will never go back to normal. There will always be that feeling of betrayal.

During this phase, it is critical for both of you to set the vision of your relationship. It will help in building back the trust and find out if both of you share the same commitment in saving your union.

Affair Recovery Retreats that are Worth your Time

4. Marriage retreat

They are the type that you and your spouse plan on and attend. Usually, they are intensive and help you connect emotionally. There are two sets of marriage retreats. Religious and non-religious retreats. These retreats are more practical and go beyond communication skills.

The religious ministers are there to cater to those couples that are religious. Since these retreats are intensive, they require couples to put away other activities for a while and dedicate their time to the retreat.

Therapists that are involved in such retreats understand that recovering from such hurt is not easy. Therefore, they offer you realistic solutions that go beyond the theories of a cheating spouse.

5. Weekend retreat

This type of retreat, as the name suggests, happens on the weekends. It is not as long as a marriage retreat, but it is effective.

During this time, the couple goes to a private place away from family chores and children to be alone. They meet with coaches and other couples who are going through recovery. It is through sharing with other couples through similar experiences that help accelerate the recovery. Since the couple will find others who are about to get over their ordeal, they are likely to learn fast and let go.

The weekend retreat includes vigorous activities during the day. These activities keep the couples occupied and keep them off from thinking. After a busy day, they can get a peaceful rest in the evening. Since weekend retreats do not have a lot of time, they make sure they maximize every single minute.

6. Couples retreat

Couples retreat involves those couples that are married and those that are yet to marry. It helps in creating a rich environment where the married learn from the unmarried and vice versa.

The unmarried couples act as a reminder of whom the married was when they were wildly in love. On the other hand, the married acts as an example to the unmarried, and they learn from their mistakes. Thus, after marriage, they are not likely to commit the same mistakes their peers committed.

Couples retreat takes place once in a while, and they usually have a lot to offer. If you do not have an idea of where to go for your retreat, this can be a good choice for you to recover and heal.

7. Private retreats

Happen in a flashy setup, with the presence of a counselor. During these retreats, couples get into timed sessions, which usually happen weekly.

The duration of each retreat depends on how fast the couple is overcoming the affair.

8. Affair recovery workshops and retreats

They are planned retreats that take place for a few weeks. Couples are taken through several phases. At the end of every stage, they report on the important lessons and how they are practicing them.

At the end of these workshops, most couples are usually ready to rebuild what they lose to the affair.

Top 3 Books that focus on Affair Recovery

There is always hidden knowledge in literature. If you are recovering from an affair, you can consider reading the following books:

1. After the Affair

After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful

It is the most sought and recommended book while recovering from an affair. It acts as a guide on how to go about it and help you to pick yourself up from the rough shock. Through this book, you learn how to heal after learning about your unfaithful partner.

With this book’s guidance, you can learn how to trust your partner again as you recover from the pain. Despite this being a difficult period for you, the book provides great advice that will walk you through the difficulty and bring back your happiness eventually.

2. Healing from Infidelity: The Divorce Busting Guide to Rebuilding Your Marriage After an Affair

Healing from Infidelity:

The book does not overlook the painful facts that come with an affair. Instead, it talks about what people go through. Couples need to read it together so that they can understand what the hurt partner is experiencing.

The book connects with readers by giving real-life examples of events that happened. Therefore, a betrayed partner will manage to relate to these life events and have the courage to start their healing process.

3. Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity

Not "Just Friends": Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity

The feature that makes this book outstanding is how it takes you through the cycle of infidelity. The author takes us through a profound way of preventing infidelity as cheating can happen to anyone. The author has also put this fact into consideration and has provided a thorough guideline for when your partner becomes unfaithful.

It is a resourceful book that every couple should own. Regardless of a cheating spouse case or not, you should purpose to have one as it helps you to keep prepared. Also, you can use the knowledge acquired from this book to help a friend who could be experiencing a hurtful feeling.

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Recovering from an affair demands a lot of effort, willingness to heal, and help. If you are not willing to heal, all the help becomes a waste of each other’s time. With the advice here, together with the recommended books, you can recover from the pain with time and learn to trust your partner again. Also, during this time, your partner is going through a remorseful period and it would help if both of you begin the healing process together.


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