It Is Actually Normal To Not Have Sex (All The Time)

Well, there is nothing wrong if you are not active in sex

By MJ
It Is Actually Normal To Not Have Sex (All The Time)

Want To Put A Pause On Sex?

Sex is one of the basic human needs. Every individual starts getting the need to have sex as soon as they hit puberty. The need can vary from person to person as some may need it more often than others while some are better off even without it. 

The frequency of sex surely does not define you or your sexuality. The sexually active people may consider it a strong trait of their personality and be attractive to other sexually active people. The low libido is not an issue if you are living an otherwise healthy and active life. Even the most sexually active people experience low times where they don’t feel the need to have sex. 

If you are reading this it only means one thing; you want to put a pause on your sex. Well, we don’t judge you. It is your life and you can spend it the way you want. There is nothing wrong with putting a pause on sex once in a while rather it is actually normal to not have sex all the time. In fact, many people spend some part of their life without sex and it can have some physical and emotional setbacks but as long as you are physically and mentally healthy, it’s ok not to have sex.

Reasons For Not Wanting To Have Sex

When it comes to sex, sexual orientation and frequency are two main things that can define your sexual life. Where sexual orientation means that out of all the population who you choose to have sex with, frequency is how much of sex is sufficient for you. 

The frequency of sex can change over time as the need may increase or decrease because of various reasons. If you have lived most part of your life enjoying sex, you may lose interest for no reason at all. Here are a few reasons for not wanting to have sex anymore.

1. Deteriorating Relationship

Sex can only be enjoyed if both the partners are physically and mentally compatible and well-aligned. If suddenly you feel your frequency of sex declining, the reason may be your deteriorating relationship with your partner. Any hint of infidelity and smell of disloyalty can affect the sexual relationship. Both partners who loved each other immensely can fall out of love and this phase starts with sexual detachment. If you or your partner has found someone else, the first thing would be sexual distancing. You will not find any charm in sex and your partner will not attract you anymore. If you don’t want to have sex anymore, it may only mean that you don’t want to have sex with this particular partner anymore and that’s ok.

2. Health Issues

Most people who lose interest in sex can have underlying problems. Several medical conditions result in low sex drive. Besides medical conditions, childbirth and stress also play a role in lowering the need to have sex. Hypo-sexual desire disorder commonly known as disorder of low sex drive can also manifest itself in men and women. In women, it is mostly caused due to irregular menstruation cycles, childbirth, breastfeeding, hormonal contraceptives, and menopause. The desire to have sex can also reduce as a side effect of various medications. 

3. You may be asexual or grey-sexual

Most people who enjoy a sex-free life may fall under asexual or grey-sexual categories of sexual orientation. The people falling under these categories are not sexually attracted to anyone. They may never feel the need to have sex in their life and it would be absolutely fine for them. While people from the opposite end of the sexual orientation spectrum may think that life is totally colorless without sex, asexual people will live a rather complete life without sex. No one should be judged based on whether they want to have sex or not because not only it is perfectly alright to not have sex it is as normal for them as it is for any sexually active person to have sex.

4. Erectile Dysfunction

If your partner is saying “not tonight darling” lately, it may mean that they are facing a sexual dysfunction called erectile dysfunction. It is the most common problem faced by men which are caused by the narrowing of blood vessels in the penis. There can be several reasons behind erectile dysfunction including certain medical conditions, hormonal imbalance, side effects of certain medications, and genes. If your reason for not wanting to have sex is an inability to have sex because of the erection problem, it is ok. You do not need to pressurize yourself as stress would only worsen the condition. Stay happy and enjoy a sex-free life for a while.

5. Stress and Anxiety

Sex can only be enjoyed when you are happy and healthy. Stress and anxiety are the worst enemies of sexual life. Stress can be a major reason behind a person not wanting to have sex. Dealing with the stress in itself is debilitating and pressure from the partner about reduced sex can be frustrating. If you are going through a rough patch in life, it is ok to slow down your sexual routine. If you can share it with your partner and you think they will understand, there is nothing better than that. Although you are not obliged to make anyone understand why you don’t want to have sex as it is your life and only you get to decide what to do with it. 

6. Pregnancy and Childbirth

It is normal for women to lose interest in sex at a certain point in life. Pregnancy and childbirth are two common reasons for women not wanting to have sex. Both these phases in a woman’s life come with a lot of challenges including physical and psychological stressors. In an attempt to deal with these major changes, a lowered interest in sex is totally normal. While the body is going through several changes, lifestyle is also affected during pregnancy and childbirth hence the frequency of sex visibly reduces. As long as the person herself is ok and does not feel the need, they shouldn’t be forced to have sex. 

7. Menopause

Women can also experience low libido when they are about to hit menopause. Most women, throughout their lives, go through several physical and emotional changes resulting in hormone imbalances. The hormone imbalance is also a cause of lowered sex drive in women. Not wanting to have sex is a normal part of life and should be dealt with accordingly. While the body is going through physical changes during menopause, it is normal for women to not have sex. 

How to Enjoy Sex, Without Sex?

Sex is not only a physical activity; it is a ritual that affects us physically and emotionally. To have or not to have sex is a personal choice and should be respected. Where a huge percentage of people start having sex after reaching puberty, many may never feel the urge to have sex in their lifetimes. There can be none to several reasons for a person not needing to have sex. 

Every individual goes through several phases in life where at some points he may be sexually active and at others may not want to get involved in anything even barely sex-related. Many people may not share their feelings out of the fear of social shaming. Not wanting to have sex is often associated with celibacy. Celibacy is a personal choice to abstain from sex for personal or religious reasons. 

You may have your reasons for not wanting to have sex but you surely cannot negate the benefits of sex. Sex can have a very positive effect on our physical and emotional health. It not only keeps you active physically but it also keeps you happy and satisfied. Here are a few ways to reap the benefits of sex even if you don’t want to have sex.

•    During sex, a hormone called endorphin is released which is a natural pain-killing hormone. If you are not having sex, you can boost your endorphin release through a workout.
•    Instead of stressing yourself, consider spending time with people who understand your choice. It will boost your self-esteem.  
•    Drive happiness from pleasing yourself instead of pleasing someone else. 
•    Do not use sex to scapegoat the feelings that are actually bothering you. If you don’t want to have sex, don’t push yourself instead find something that actually gives you happiness. It is time to reconnect with yourself.
•    Find happiness in non-genital body parts. If it is only the act of sex that you want to avoid for a while, try using sexual fantasy to keep in touch with your sexual life. 

Related Article: Is There Even Such Thing As A Sexual Afterglow?
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Summary

Sex is a major part of a person’s adult life but it is surely not everything. For those who are sexually active and are conveniently finding ways to satisfy their hunger; sex might be everything but there are people who spend most part of their life without sex and they actually enjoy it. If you are going through a phase where not having sex isn’t an issue for you, you are not missing much. The only thing that matters is happiness and satisfaction and you can be both without sex. 

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