Being able to love is a blessing. Even though at times, it can bring pain that can put people on their knees gasping for air, but people aren’t afraid to give it another chance. This article is here to explore a form of pain that love can bring about and majority of us are quite familiar with– unrequited love. In love with him but he doesn’t care how you feel? You’re strong because you’re hopeful and the proof of it is you’re here reading this article. By the time you reach the end of it, you’ll be one step closer to recovery!
10 Things You Should Do If You’re In Love With A Boy Who Doesn’t Care
If you’re dating him
If you’re dating a boy who seems to have fallen out of love but you’re still crazy about him, staying with him will only bring you more pain. Following are 5 things you can do to ease your heartbreak.
1. Accept that you need to break up
I know that the thought of initiating a break up is terrifying and that too with someone you’re still madly in love with. Even though it’s a bitter pill to swallow, the sooner you take it, the sooner you’ll start healing. You shouldn’t let the boy keep you hanging. There is no reason to hold on when he can pull the plug anytime.
No matter how much you love him, if he doesn’t feel the same way about you – you will never find happiness with him. It’s understandable that you’re hesitant because you have invested so much of your time, love and effort in it. They didn’t go to waste as you made beautiful memories together and you have grown as a person as well but there is absolutely no need to invest more.
2. Avoid the blame game.
You need to understand that the rush of feelings that are flowing inside of you is normal. It is normal to want to lash out or blame the other person for a temporary relief but do you really want to end a relationship through which you’ve shared beautiful memories with this person, on a bad note? This is a time where any person can give into the urge to fire up a blame game. But you’re here reading this means that you’re wise and walking away gracefully is what will allow you to heal.
3. Get clarity about what you want
When love comes into the picture, judgement and decision making skills kind of take the back seat. After all, love is blind and imagine what can happen if blindness take over the driving seat. This is the moment where you need to ask yourself questions about the things that you actually want, the things that you deserve. Nobody wants or deserves a relationship that the other person cannot invest in a 100%. Yes, I know that voice that is whispering in your head that maybe if you stay long enough, he will come around. Even though walking away will hurt you right now, it will save you a different kind of pain and a whole lot of self-respect! If you don’t get clarity on what you want and make up your mind to do what’s needed to get that, you’re more likely to water a wild flower that will later on, only hurt you.
4. Allow yourself time to grieve.
I know people who deny themselves the time to grieve. In the clouded and hurt head of theirs, suppressing their emotions seem like a better option than healing. Listen to me when I tell you that bottling up pain inside is nothing but a ticking time bomb. A time bomb that can go off anytime and can jeopardize another relationship that had potential of blooming into something beautiful and lasting.
They think that if they grieve, their giving them more power when actually it’s the complete opposite. You think for yourself, what is better? Carrying it further to stain your future or giving it some more of the present and getting it out of your system once and for all? Yup, the latter. So my friend, grieve and let go.
5. Cut him off.
You think staying friends after a break up is possible. Been there done that. That just blows back on your face with another round of a breaking up session. I’m not saying that it is impossible and you will never find people out there who broke up but are still friends. That’s possible but not right after a break up. In my experience, the most healthy yet difficult road to friendship for ex-lovebirds is parting ways and maybe getting in touch after both of you have moved on. You have to understand that the urge to stay friends is just because both of you are afraid to walk alone after walking together for so long. If you do go down this road, you’ll eventually find yourself amidst of toxicity and more pain. Cutting all ties will bring you healing. You have to trust yourself and the process.
If You’re Not Dating Him
Well if you’re in love with him even though there is no chance for you to be with him, I understand the pain you’re going through. Here are 5 things that will help you tackle these feelings.
6. Understand the damage that pursuing him will do to you
One should give a lot of thought on choosing the right partner for themselves. That choice will decide whether or not, the emotions, time and love you’re about invest will bring you pain or growth. There is one thing that I’ve learnt about guys, if they love you they’ll move mountains to support and be with you but if they don’t they’ll end up building hurdles for you – even if they mean well. This is why, you should make yourself understand that letting go of a boy who doesn’t love you means that you’re turning away from unnecessary pain that you will bring upon yourself if you pursue this.
7. Talk with someone about your feelings.
I’ve experience unrequited love once and when I say that I know what you’re going through, I’m not joking. Unrequited love can bring a feeling of shame and especially when sharing it with another person, you might feel like they will laugh at you. It can also make you feel unworthy of love as you’re not being loved in return. You have to understand that you shouldn’t let these feelings take over and stop you from opening up to someone who can help. As mentioned before, bottling up isn’t the way to go.
8. Put a distance between the both of you.
The more you see him, the harder it will be for you to manage your feelings. You need to understand your feelings and manage them. To do this, you need space and clarity. Distant yourself from him until your feelings are in your control and not the other way around. This is another hard pill to swallow but medicines aren’t meant to taste good, they’re meant to heal you.
9. Don’t blame yourself
Don’t beat yourself too much. If one could choose who they should fall in love with, all the movies, love stories and love songs will disappear from the face of earth. It wasn’t your fault that you fell in love with a boy who doesn’t care. Feelings cannot be controlled but how you choose to deal with them is powerful and can define you. Accept your love for him, be grateful that you’re able to love and take the necessary steps to move on.
10. Don’t block out love
Our brain functions in a way that creates a block to protect you. Which is why, when a person experiences a heartbreak, the brain might start associating pain with love which will stop you from pursuing it again but you have to fight here. Love has wonderful things to offer but we all can agree that the road to it may be a bit bumpy. Don’t let a small bump take away the treasure ahead and again – believe that you will find love and this time, love will find you too.
Moving on is a difficult task but holding on to someone who doesn’t care and will never love you back is harder. If this person doesn’t love you, he wasn’t the right one for you. Remember, plenty of fish in the sea and it’s time to go fishing (no rush though – gotta heal first!)