Here’s What You Need To Know Before Having Sex With A Friend

Movies were made out of it; there are numerous posts online talking about it, even a few of the famous group in Friends (spoiler alert) almost dabbled on the concept a few times – friends with benefits is definitely a thing. “But is it advisable? Does it work?” you may ask. Well, that’s what we’re going to decipher right now, in a most neutral approach.

Many say that engaging in sex with a friend is like playing with fire – definitely exciting but poses many risks – but still exhilarating. Now that you know there are risks, the only thing left to do now is to be aware of them and avoid them, because many people do enjoy a fulfilling FWB “relationship” with someone.

Of course, it’s okay to have sex with a friend or more than one friend for that matter. No one else has the right to judge who you should or should not sleep with, after all. As two adults who can make decisions for themselves and know full-well what they’re jumping into, having sex with one another could be beneficial.

However, there’s a catch. The whole FWB thing and its success rely solely on you, and your friend’s, outlook, belief, values, perspective, opinion, whatever you wish to call it, of the concept. It must be understood that the name explains itself. Friends with benefits. That’s it. No more, no less. No attachments, no strings, no commitment, no romantic emotions, none of those things.

If you think you can jump into bed with someone you’ve known for quite some time and absolutely adore and trust (as a friend), then there’s nothing to worry about.

Before you do take the plunge, let’s break it down, shall we? To be able to make an informed decision, we need the information. So what’s there to know about these friends with benefit practice?

First, the good stuff, the benefits of having a friend you also engage in steamy sex with.

This is perhaps one of the main reasons why people have sex with friends – no strings attached! You don’t need to worry if you’ve hurt their feelings or call them the next day, or whatnot. None of those overbearing rules apply in this case. This is not a potential relationship you’re going for. It just straightforward sex.

Both you and your friend can relax. No one is expecting anything more from one another – just the sex! Knowing this can relieve the burden from someone who feels pressured at what sleeping with another person may entail.

You’re not gunning for anything committed or invested in the “relationship.” There are quotation marks on the word mainly because an FWB setup is a relationship that doesn’t function like a relationship. There’s nothing to develop. There are no stages, such as the dating stage, meet the friends and family stage, and so on.

What’s more, this setup is perfect for those who don’t have the time or energy to start a romantic relationship because they’re moving away or wish to be single or want to focus on their career. The sex is there, minus all the responsibilities.

You see someone you’re interested in? Nothing is holding you back from going after them. You don’t need to be sorry that you’re leaving your FWB because there was no relationship, to begin with. It may seem harsh, but that’s how the whole thing was set up. Therefore, you can go for someone “better,” so to speak.

One thing to be understood with the FWB concept is that it’s like limbo. It’s not permanent, it’s an in-between stage, and you’re not sure how long it could last. Some experience an FWB for a few months, others maintain it for years.

You can actually live out all your sexual fantasies in an FWB scenario because no one is telling you to behave properly otherwise. You can go all out and explore everything about sex without thinking that your partner might judge you. Blurt out the idea of role-playing or BDSM to your friend, and if they’re up for it, “Yey!”, if it’s not their things, “Cool, cool, no problem.”

People need sex. That’s a fact. There’s a lot of science involved in it, such as the benefits of reaching orgasms and releasing happy hormones. If you’re single by choice or coincidence and feel like you need to get laid, an FWB is definitely the better and safer option compared to a one-night-stand with a stranger. There are fewer risks to getting STDs, plus there’s a well-founded friendship involved.

Yup. The title says it all. You can get so much release in this scenario. The sex will attract more sex. Don’t be surprised by your pheromones attracting all the men in the block because that’s what orgasms do. They make you feel good AND look good. Your blood gets pumping, giving you a natural glow.

Placing this last because this is a double-edged sword. Having an FWB can develop into something more if both of you feel the same way. If such is the case, then you both didn’t skip out on anything. In fact, you got the most out of everything: a great friendship, the transition to the FWB stage where you got to discover each other even more, then now you’re in love. The downside of this will be explained below.

Now, to cover the risks and disadvantages because they’re equally important.

While it’s a fact that your friendship will progress to a different level, have you ever thought of how your friend reaches orgasm before or what they look like down there? Not really, right? You will discover all the intimate details about your friend during sex. And it’s not something that could be easily removed from one’s memory, especially if you stop being FWBs and continue being platonic.

Entering the FWB stage is like getting an eraser and purposefully going over the dividing line between platonic and romantic. It’s not clear when and where you stay platonic when you’re engaging in otherwise romantic things such as sex. Be prepared for uncertainty, and random thoughts of “WTF is happening right now.”

This is one of the most well-known downsides or risks of having an FWB. The friendship might get permanently broken, and things don’t go back to the way they were. Why? Because sex does involve hormones that make you feel all sorts of things. These could muddle up everything, leading to complications. If you and your friend aren’t on the same page, a heavy strain is placed on the relationship.

Remember the no exclusivity advantage mentioned earlier? Well, it sucks to be on the receiving end. Even if you have no romantic feelings for your friend, no one likes getting abandoned. The thoughts of “What’s the other person like?” or “What do they have that I don’t” will pass. We are human, after all.

It’s a thousand times worse if you actually feel things for your FWB. It’s like going through a break-up, but the other person is oblivious of the fact. So, there’s a risk for that happening.

To make an FWB setup work, utmost honesty is required. Much like a typical romantic relationship, no? You will need to set up boundaries, disclose with one another if you’re jealous or getting hurt or developing feelings for the other. If you’re already feeling those things and choose to keep quiet, you risk losing yourself in the process.

Unless you’re one who doesn’t share sex life with other friends, not everyone will be open-minded to the idea of sleeping around with a friend. There’s a risk of getting labeled or judged when the news pop out.

What if you develop romantic feelings for your friend and you don’t want to? You’re not ready, or you just don’t want to, period. Feelings aren’t so easy to change. Furthermore, what if you fall in love with your friend and you’re okay with it, but they’re not?

The answer to this is highly subjective. While it is true that entering an FWB stage in a friendship changes the dynamics of said relationship, it doesn’t always mean that things would go downhill from there. Much FWBs work – a set up that’s functional yet intimate.

More often than not, FWBs work for those who can differentiate and control their feelings. Yes, sex changes a friendship – you’ve seen each other naked, you know the most intimate details about your friend, but for those with full control and transparency, things stay platonic.

Expect. This is the main thing you should not do when having sex with a friend. Don’t expect that the sex would be fireworks thinking that you already have the foundation and know each other well. Don’t expect that the sex would be natural, like how you two click things off as friends.

Expect there to be other feelings besides what you felt for your friend post-sex. Expect the “L” word to try and creep its way into the relationship. As long as you don’t expect anything else aside from your current FWB setup, it could be fun and beneficial for both of you.

There you have it, an unbiased overview of the FWB scenario if you’re planning on trying it out with someone or are already in one and need some guidance. Much like the whole FWB concept is a gray area, there are no black and white approaches to tackling this, and a lot of the tweaking will be on you and your friend.