What Is A Crush?
Have you ever had an intense attraction to someone you don’t know very well? The butterflies, the blushes? It has happened to us all! The hopelessness, the confusion? Well, we’ll try to sort those out for you. Read on to find out what to do when the crushing just doesn’t stop.
To have a crush is to have strong romantic feelings for a person you’re not really close to. There is a huge difference between a crush and love! They, both do, however, release the same chemical in the brain, the ‘love’ chemical, dopamine. Crushes are mostly a headfast storm of feelings and urges, while love is slower, and takes more time. That’s why crushes feel like a spiral, something you can’t make sense of.
You can’t control a crush! But you can control it once you notice it. Mostly, crushes are short-lived. It is a normal, healthy part of the human experience.
How Do You Approach A Crush?
There are many ways to approach someone you’ve started crushing on. There’s no point sitting in your bed and obsessing over your crush, go out there and talk to them. See if they’re worthy of this turning into a long time thing.
First things first. There is no ‘rejection’. Maybe you and this person we're meant to connect, or maybe you weren’t. You’ll never know until you ask them out. Eye contact is extremely important. Connect your eyes and energy, and let things unfold themselves. When it comes to conversation, engage them in a casual, genuine conversation. No need to be extra witty or play dumb.
Avoid seeming desperate. Any type of pickup lines, sexual innuendos, don’t really create a bond. Avoid attempts to impress or boast, make them feel emotionally comfortable and you’re good to go.
How Do You Get Over A Crush
1. Feel the pain
You can block it out, but that won’t help. You need to come to terms with the situation and it will help you heal better. You need to allow your brain and body to process what is happening, only then will you deal with it. If you don’t do that, you’re just ignoring what’s going on in you, and that will take a toll on your emotional health.
You have no control over other people; you didn’t know this was going to happen. It didn’t work because it was beyond your control.
2. Get real
When we’re crushing on someone, we create an idealistic version of our crush and constantly see the good in them and justify all their actions. Nobody is perfect, and neither is your crush. Don’t ignore their obvious flaws and mistakes. They could be already in a relationship, or other reasons that don’t cater to you.
Don’t spend so much time on someone else with who you know things won’t work out. Face the facts, and you’ll realize prioritizing this person makes no sense.
3. Reach out
The most important one: You are not alone. Your pain and hurt are valid. Your friends and family are here for you. Talking it out is a great way to overcome a crush, you shouldn’t keep everything to yourself. If you can’t find someone to vent it out with, approach a counselor or a therapist.
Other than talking, another way to let it out is to write it down. Writing down your thoughts and feelings is a great way to express your emotions.
How Does One Get To Know Someone Better?
1. Start a conversation
Find any excuse to initiate a conversation, to break the ice. A simple hey can turn into a long chat! If you rarely meet them, start talking via social media! Snapchat, Instagram through several other great platforms to share media and chat - of course, you can occasionally get to stalk their profile too. ;)
While chatting, see how they respond. See how they reply back and start conversations, etc. This will reveal their communication style and you can see if they are reciprocating your energy.
2. Be attentive
Pay attention to their body language, what they say, and how their interactions are with other people. Most communication is nonverbal, so you need to be attentive to them. Soon you’ll know if they are or aren’t interested in getting to know you better.
Other an attentiveness, try to be curious and show that you’re interested to know about their likes and dislikes. Don’t make them feel like they’re under a microscope, but do explore mutual interests.
3. Be patient
You are probably in a rush and want to know everything and anything about them. But over-eagerness comes off as desperate, and at times, a little scary. You want to come off as cool and suave, so, take things slow. Getting to truly know someone takes time.
If you’re patient, small talk will expand to personal late-night calls. Being pushy will only push them away. Wait it out, and let them come to you at their own pace.
What Does It Feel Like Having A Crush?
Do you enjoy hanging out with a person a lot? Do you think about them a lot? And what’s this fluttering feeling in your stomach?
Having a crush is a rollercoaster ride. It starts off slow, then is blown out of proportion, with the ride being extremely fast and scary. It is an avalanche of feelings, emotions, and urges that happen so fast you have no time to process it. It is exciting, pleasing, and scary at the same time!
The feeling of butterflies in our stomach is real! It’s a restlessness. You’re giddy and you’re fantasizing about them. It’s intense and irrational, because you don’t know the person so well, yet they have completely invaded your thoughts. You imagine them as the person you want them to be. They seem perfect, and this causes you to ignore all the initial warning signs and red flags.
How To Get Over Someone You Never Dated
1. Stop blaming it on yourself
It wasn’t a relationship, but it felt like one. That’s not your fault. Feelings consumed your rationality, and you thought this could be something good. It wasn’t. What you need to tell yourself, is that it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t end up in this relationship because it wasn’t meant to be. It wouldn’t have been good for you in the long run. Maybe you ignored some warning signs. Maybe you guys just didn’t connect. That wasn’t in your control, thus not your fault.
2. Stop checking in on them
In this social media age, it is hard to actually cut someone off. Especially if they’re in your social circle, ignoring won’t be easy, and it won’t make you look good. The best thing to do is to act like you don’t care. Stop checking their social media profiles, stop asking their friends how they are. It’s clearly going to be hard, but acting like it doesn’t matter will eventually lead you to not checking upon them.
3. Process your sadness
As mentioned before in this article, letting it out and understanding your feelings will eventually lead you to overcome your crush. Talking it out with your friends and family, booking therapy sessions, or journaling will help you heal. Only by expressing your emotions will you feel better. Bottling it up and ignoring your feelings will only delay the healing process.
4. Don’t forget yourself
Hello?! This measly crush doesn’t define you at all! This thing that lasted a few weeks is not your defining point. You are so much more than a short-lived attraction. I bet you don’t even remember the names of the people you crushed on back in middle school. That’s how quickly we forget them! In a few years, you won’t even remember this person! The pain they caused you only had a positive effect on you, and now you are stronger and better than ever.
Crushes are part of our life! No matter how old we get, there is always someone who catches your eye and makes your heart racing. The butterflies, happiness, pain, confusion is all healthy and important and happens to all of us! Each crush is a memorable experience in our life, good or bad! This is why this article is dedicated to all the people out there who are trying to deal with a crush that has taken over their lives.