Why Am I Not Satisfied In My Relationship?
Lately, as you are lying in bed, thinking about your relationships, you don't seem to be wearing a smile. Is something wrong?
There seems to be no major turning point. Your partner is fine and dandy and there's not really a conflict between you two, but you don't seem to be satisfied. Feeling unsatisfied in a relationship without an obvious conflict means you are drifting apart. Perhaps your goals are different, your dreams are different. You two seem to be on different paths and no longer intersect with each other.
You may feel your partner is not doing his best to accommodate your needs. He is working hard to achieve his goals, neglecting your needs, and wants. And you are confused about continuing this relationship. Almost every couple goes through it at some point in their relationship. This is a crucial moment to decide whether you want to carry on with it or move on to the next.
Regardless of why you are not satisfied, you will want to read about what to do and how to be happy again in a relationship!
How Do I Tell My Boyfriend That I'm Unhappy With Him?
Always stay calm. Never scream or yell. The negative reactions only add to the negative sentiment and won't fix your feelings. Find a night where you are both free and available, preferably not one after a long day of work. Sit him down and recount the journey you've been on so far.
By laying it out in front of him, you could have a realization of the confusion you feel as you talk. Then, tell him you aren't happy lately. Say you want to discuss this with him this and want to figure out why you are feeling this way.
Reinforce your stance that you are not here to blame him. You only want to see why you are feeling this way and his input highly helps. If he reacts negatively, stands your ground and explain you are looking for a reasonable discussion, not a pointless accusation.
Ways To Know That The Relationship Isn't Right
1. You don't feel excited when you see him
When date night is approaching, you don't have the same excitement as you did. You are a bit nervous about seeing him, not in a good way. Deep down, you want the night to be over with because you can't bear the thought of spending the whole night with him while pretending to be all cuddly.
2. You aren't interested in hearing his stories and thoughts
You don't seem to care what he has to say. All his stories and thoughts are so boring. Even worse, you start to get annoyed when he rambles on for a while. You have lost interest in talking to him. It feels very frustrating as he is your significant others. You are supposed to be interested in different aspects of his life.
3. You only talk about the generic topics
"How's your day?" "What are you doing now?" "Have you eaten?"
There's no deep, meaningful conversation. You only talk about what you talk about with your friends. There should be more. You should be talking about something that you would only share with your boyfriend. Yet, you don't even want to reply to his texts and can't be bothered to open up to him.
Signs That Your Partner Is No Longer Happy
1. He avoids any topics about the future
He was excited to talk about your future house, how many kids to have, and what kind of pets to get. Now, he dodges the topic when you see a lovely gardening kit online, or when you pass by a pet shop. He doesn't talk about your future anymore and even tries to avoid it. This shows he is unhappy and doesn't see a future.
2. He no longer looks at you with love
You know what is a loving look in a relationship. The way he looks at you says a lot about his feelings. Those eyes speak love and how much he cares for you. These days, he is not looking at you the same way. His eyes don't lit up when he sees you and there's no sparkle.
3. He gets annoyed at you easily
It's not an exaggeration to say that when you are in love, you overlook all those annoying little things your partner does. However, if you are pissing off your partner with small things you do, he might not be very happy in this relationship that he is taking it out on you. Those small things can be leaving the bed too loudly when you get up to pee at night. Or forgetting to put the dishes in the dishwasher back.
You are scratching your head off as to why someone can be so easily irritated. He was so perfect in the beginning. Is he showing his true face now or he has gotten so annoyed that whatever you do, he will find a reason to hate on?
Other Signs of an Unhappy Relationship
4. You refuse to be in each other's circle
An important part of a relationship is to be in each other's life. Not only do you have to get along well with each other, but you also have to get along well with their friends and family. Being in an unhappy relationship adds up to the stress of meeting his people. After all, you are not comfortable with him around, why would you want to hang out with people he likes that you don't know?
Refusing to take the step to be in each other's circle is a red flag that this is an unhappy relationship. It impacts the harmony and limits the topics you can talk about.
5. You don't know how to talk about your feelings anymore
What's worse than not willing to open up about your feelings? To have absolutely nothing to talk about. You have bottled up your emotions so much that when you have to have "the talk". You are still silent. Talking doesn't seem to be the option when you are so caught up in the moment. You feel so frustrated that you just want to leave.
When a relationship is shattering, the very last drop is the lack of emotions. Maybe you feel so dead inside that you don't have anything to say.
How To Not Settle In An Unhappy Relationship
1. Get a third-party to see things from a different perspective
That third person can be a therapist or a trusted friend. Getting a third party to listen to your problems and your frustration forces you to dig deep into the problems in the relationship. Maybe your partner isn't there enough for you. Or maybe you are indeed a bit too demanding that he finds it hard to please you all the time.
It can be a good idea to bring someone else in to listen to your sides. A therapist can offer the best and most professional advice if your time and money allow it. You will find it refreshing to hear a new perspective.
2. Set little goals to achieve
Small steps. Write down small things you want to achieve, such as giving him a compliment every day to planning a surprise date once a month. Small goals keep you occupied without feeling exhausted. Don't cram all your efforts and goals at once. You will lose interest in trying fairly soon.
Gradually, you can set bigger and bigger goals and devote more time to it. This is a great strategy to rekindle the love lost to time. You aim for your goal while reigniting the flames with your loved one.
3. Define yourself and your priorities
Instead of focusing on this relationship, focus on yourself. What do you want in life? Are you unhappy because he can't live up to your standards, or you are too demanding? Is it even true?
Sometimes, relationships end and it's no one's fault. You want different goals. Maybe you want to be a marine biologist in Australia while he refuses to leave his sweet hometown of Chicago after graduation. This may not seem to be an imminent problem and you have never talked about it, but subconsciously, you know it will be a problem you can't fix.
Define yourself before you can define your relationships. Write down things that make you a person. What you want in the future and if your values align with your partner.
Leaving is a heartbreaking option but it may be the only way to be free in many situations. After you've evaluated yourself, if there's no chance for you to work it out with your partner, leave. Don't stay holding on to the thought that maybe he will change. If you aren't willing to change yourself, don't expect him to.
As for yourself, don't change yourself knowing you will be unhappy. That's not how you make a happy relationship. Don't settle in thinking you will be happy. You won't. Leaving might be the best option.
The heartache of being in an unhappy relationship is so real that it affects other aspects of your life. Start reflecting on your relationship to find out why you are feeling this way and what you want to do about it!