Is True Love Real and How Do You know If You Found the One

Have you ever wondered how our lives would have been without movies like The Notebook, Titanic, Before Sunrise and Before Sunset, and hundreds of other movies from the romance genre? Or how it would have been to grow up without watching Cinderella lose her shoe only to find the love of her life and a beast turn into a human just by Beauty’s kiss? Life would have been different without the secret ingredient we all call love. 

When it comes to definition, love can have as many definitions as the persons living on the Earth. Every person experiences and defines love differently. For some it is friendship, for others it is kindness and for some others, it is something that makes the world go round. Merriam-Webster dictionary defines love as “strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties”. Love exists in different forms, colors, and shapes and can be found even in the smallest gestures and acts of kindness. Mother holding her crying child is love and a child crying for the wounded cat is love, an old man planting a tree for the next generation to benefit from its shade is love and a dying person donating his organs is love. 

Oscar Wilde said, “Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring."
True love, on the other hand, is an intense and powerful feeling. It is selfless, liberating, and easy. It does not demand rather believes in giving. True love does not need fancy words for the expression. True love is scarce but it exists. Your grandparents holding hands on their 50th anniversary is true love and your parents staying strong during the rough patches of life, is true love. True love does not happen at once; it grows over time and strengthens its roots. The water of loyalty, honesty, commitment, and friendship turns the seedling of love into a strong tree that bears fruits of respect and kindness.      

Love and infatuation are the degrees of the feeling of attraction towards another person. Here are some remarkable differences between love and infatuation:

•    Infatuation is an unconscious and unreasoned attraction, love is a thoughtful process of developing feelings over a certain period of time.

•    Infatuation is shallow and baseless and love is deep and logical. 

•    Infatuation is short-lived; it takes off fast and leaves nothing but emptiness whereas love starts slow and strengthens with time. 

•    You may get infatuated several times in your life but love knocks at the door rarely and is often there to stay.   
•    Infatuation is urgent, high-risk sexual desire, and love is slow and steady and does not involve lust.

•    Infatuation is delusional and love is the reality of life.    

No relationship is perfect, even a perfect relationship isn’t perfect. The flaws, the misunderstandings, the arguments, the breakups, and the makeups make the relationship stronger. Fights and arguments are part of the relationship and they actually clear the air. The idea of true love seems so perfect that it becomes impossible to envision fights in true love.

Well, the movies and stories portray true love this way but real life begins where the movies and stories end. Fights are the reality of life, what isn’t real is our idea of true love. When in love, we expect everything to fit perfectly like pieces of the puzzle but that does not happen. Even if you didn’t see your parents fighting because obviously they were in love does not mean they never fought behind closed doors. 

True love fights but tries to make things right afterward. True love argues but tries to settle the argument with the right thing. Someone said, “If you don’t argue in a relationship, believe me, you are not in a relationship.” 

Being in love cannot be mistaken or misjudged. You will instantly know you have found the love of your life and will be sure about it. If it is a soul mate connection, there is nothing as unique and as pure as the feeling of getting to see the other part of your soul. Here are a few signs of true love if you are still unsure:

True love brings happiness and contentment. You feel satisfied with what you have and the desire for more except for love vanishes. True love fills your heart with joy and an intense feeling of peace and calm takes control. 

Being in love makes you a positive person. You feel hopeful and start seeing life from a different angle; a better angle. People around you get positive vibes in your presence and your mere presence uplifts the moods of others. 

If a person truly loves you, they will respect you. Your opinion will be valued and your ideas will be considered special. When someone truly loves you, they will make you feel important. 

One of the major signs of true love is feeling safe in the company of your loved one. You forget about your insecurities and apprehension when you are with your beloved. Feeling safe is a basic human need and must be met in any circumstances. Your protection is their priority. 

Misunderstandings are part of life but feeling understood is a real blessing. Many a time it happens that you don’t mean what you say and people judge you and question your intentions. When in love, your beloved will understand what you mean even if you haven’t said a word.  

In this materialistic world, you wear several masks for various purposes. You have to look happy while you are crying on the inside; look stylish and modern when the inner you believe in simplicity and have to eat what the society approves of. True love liberates you from societal norms and values and with your beloved, you can be who you are. 

Love is blind. When you fall in love it makes you see beyond the visible flaws and mistakes of the other person. So, love can actually blind you. However, before taking the leap, you need to be sure that this is the right decision as it would affect your later life. To be sure, you need to ask yourself a few questions; the answers to which will make it easier for you to get involved and give your fullest in the relationship. Here are 5 questions to ask yourself to know if it is really your true love or your feelings have blinded you.

If the answer to this question is YES, this is true love and just the beginning of a great relationship. If the answer is No, you need to take your time and let things unfold.

Honest is the foundation of a long relationship. Cheating, dishonesty, and lying are the murderers of true love. A relationship dies a natural death if not watered with trust. 

A YES to the question means the company of each other is shaping you into better versions of yourselves. True love transforms you and you change for the better.

This is a very important question to ask yourself as no matter how harmless it may sound it can have severe implications in your life. Different political and religious views and views relating to marriage and upbringing of children can lead you to parting ways.

When you are in love, you become one without losing your own identity. Everything you do is the welfare of the two of you. Being selfish and thinking about your own self will take you nowhere. You are surely not blinded and it is the beginning of true love if you are thinking about “us”. 

Finding love is easy, staying in love, and keeping love alive is difficult. Love needs care and nurturing to stay alive. Relationships that live longer are the result of hard work. Continuous love, support, understanding, sacrifice, and compromise is the key to a long term relationship. Here is how you can effectively care for your relationship.

•    Give each other space
•    Accept and appreciate each other
•    Forgive and forget
•    Show verbal and physical affection
•    Be there for each other in the ups and downs of life
•    Stay playful and be humorous
•    Show empathy
•    Stay positive 
•    Play like a team

True love is real and you will find it sooner or later. While you are still looking for it, make sure you find the real true love because sometimes lust and infatuation is disguised as love and unveils its real face later. Look for signs and keep asking yourself what to look for in true love. Your answers will take you to the love of your life and once you find it, nothing will be the same again.