Is Your Man Really Busy Or Is He Just Not Interested

The word ‘busy’ has started to become synonymous with feelings of disinterest, at least in the realm of dating. When you’re no longer among the top priorities for a certain person, they might start to tell you that they’re ‘busy’ all the time.

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes they could be right. Sometimes, they’ll be genuinely busy and caught up with work and chores. In some cases, though, they’ll just be busy pulling away from you and using their routine and chores as an excuse to cancel plans with you.

Let’s face it, two romantic partners losing interest in one another isn’t the rarest thing ever. Either one person, or both people in a relationship, can sometimes feel that the spark they once had has now begun to fade away. Things just aren’t the way they used to be.

Losing interest in one’s partner, or in the relationship itself, stems from a few basic issues. For instance, when a relationship is based on weaker foundations, the couple is less equipped to deal with its highs and lows. If the basic elements of the relationship remain intact, and if it’s built on strong grounds like honest and clear communication, mutual love and care, and empathy, losing interest becomes a rarer possibility.  

No one immediately loses interest in their partner – it doesn’t work that way. You don’t just wake up one day and decide that you’re not interested in your partner anymore. Rather, it’s always a steady, consistent decline in one’s happiness and contentment from the relationship. These feelings could occur through a variety of triggers, but let’s discuss some of them here.

Often, we start dating people without thinking it all through. People can enter into relationships way too quickly, before answering a few key questions in their head. It’s all a smooth transition from texting, meeting, calling, talking more and more, and voila, you’re committed.

Ideally, two people should only become committed partners if the goals of each of them are in line with their potential partners. Their likes, dislikes, preferences, and personality should define who they date, and not just ‘right place right time’ instances.

Often, a relationship that was rushed into, starts to crumble with time. One of the two participants, or both of them, soon realize that their needs and preferences aren’t aligned with that of their partner. For instance, one person could be more career-focused in this part of their life, while the other wants more attention and love from their partner all the time. Such a relationship is bound to collapse with time, as the goals of both parties aren’t harmonized.

If you’ve caught him ghost you several times with the excuse of being busy, but he isn’t actually doing anything, it could mean he’s uninterested. Once or twice can be a coincidence, where he really is busy but just procrastinates, but if this is a recurring theme, you’re obviously not around the top of his priority list.

A relationship stands on the time you spend together, the memories you share, and the interaction you have with each other. Even long-distance lovers make it work through the choices they have at hand, such as calls, texts, video chats, and just being there for each other even though they’re miles apart. If your partner consistently fails to match your energy of wanting to hang out with him, saying he’s busy when he actually isn’t - that’s a red flag.

It’s more of a feeling-based judgment to realize that your guy isn’t that into you anymore. Obviously, phases occur and ups and downs are a part of every relationship, but a sudden change in his attitude is always noticeable.

Let’s look at a few signs that help in clarifying if he’s genuinely losing interest in you. Are they busy but super interested, or is being busy just an excuse to be away from you?

Date cancellations suck, but they don’t always mean that the guy doesn’t like you anymore. Certain emergencies can take place at any time, and that’s okay. However, a person who truly cares about your feelings, and enjoys spending time with you, will immediately reschedule a canceled date or plan.

Their first response would be to start thinking about different days to meet up, asking you if you’re available next Wednesday or so. If your man doesn’t do that, ever, and keeps canceling dates left and right… you know what that means.

Being busy definitely isn’t a problem. In fact, many girls prefer men who keep themselves busy, as that means they’re passionate about what they do and career-driven! However, the guy should be serious enough with you to make it up to you when he finally has free time. A busy guy in love with you will always be apologetic about having to ignore you for work, and he’ll make sure you’re not upset about it. He’ll plan out different activities for the future, or just be really sweet to you to somehow make it up to you!

Studies suggest, lies typically include more details than some simple truth. If he’s going on a huge tale to explain why he won’t be able to make it tomorrow, he could just be looking for excuses for a way out. They’ll be super vague about when the next meetup will be, with words like ‘soon’ or ‘later on.’  

Sometimes the statement ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ really is true. There are several things that can cause guys to lose interest in you over time, and you can’t be blamed for all of them. Let’s look at a few common causes;

• Other girls. He could become interested in a more beautiful, friendlier colleague or classmate of his. It happens all the time, and if he’s easy to be swayed with looks, this one’s likely.

• No intrinsic chemistry. Spending the first few months with a new partner isn’t challenging at all, as everything’s new and there’s still a lot to discover about each other. However, once that phase dies down, and you realize there’s not much more to it, it all boils down to the mutual chemistry you share with your partner. If you just don’t connect well, it’ll start to show when the relationship ages a bit, which could cause one of the parties (or both) to lose interest.  

• Broken trust. If one person does something to shatter the trust of their partner, the relationship is instantly threatened. If they find out about it and start to question your loyalty, it could have a direct impact on how interested they are in you.

• Finding out hidden truths. We don’t often disclose most of our insecurities earlier on in the relationship. They start to show later on when you’re somewhat comfortable as their significant other. Ideally, people should love each other unconditionally, but that doesn’t always happen. As the faults begin to uncover, and the personality mismatch becomes obvious, a loss of interest follows.

• One partner invests more time and effort. If there’s an imbalance in the amount of time and effort each person puts into the relationship, it’s bound to fail soon if their partner doesn’t realize it.

Honestly, you shouldn’t have to worry about keeping him interested. Relationships shouldn’t work that way. You’re supposed to feel free in being yourself around him and trust the love he has for you. You’re his partner and lover, not a personal entertainer who has to do her job well. If he’s truly into you, he’ll always be interested and entertained by your own humor, intellect, and personality.

Focus on being as original as you possibly can, as that naturally brings novelty to the relationship every single day. Everyone's personality evolves with time, and if you keep expressing your own self well, it helps with being unpredictable around your partner!

However, caring for your partner’s needs and wants is always wholesome. Whenever you’re hanging out, make sure you’re not the only one that’s having fun; the feelings of joy should be mutual.

Be open to agreeing to the things he wants to do with you! If he wants to jump on the Xbox with you, do it, for his sake at least. If he’s been going on and on about watching a football game, go with him. Who knows, you might have fun too!

If you’re in a situation where you can’t decide if your man is uninterested or just busy, your confusion is understandable. There’s seemingly no way of telling whether someone’s being honest when they talk about how busy they are or if they’re just trying to blow you off. In this article, we’ve aimed to discuss the signs and indicators that help you know what’s going on. All the best!