Why Do Men Have A Mistress?
Marriage life is no picnic, right? It's tough and you really have to work at it to have a healthy and successful marriage. If there's love between husband and wife, things run smoothly because whatever problems may arise, love can help them navigate them. But, sometimes someone really messes up going outside the marriage to look for something they don't have at home? To seek some thrills? To experiment? Why do men cheat on their wives and have a mistress? The answer is not what you think... sex. Most of the time, it's not just about sex.
The reasons by no means are a justification for cheating but maybe it'll help shed some light on this matter so that you can do something about it. One of the reasons why men seek a mistress is because they don't feel appreciated at home. Some men are insecure and impressionable and they want (very much) to please their wives, However, in some cases these men are successful, they work hard and people appreciate them at work but it seems that at home, they can't do anything right.. They feel that no matter what they do, they could not win. That's what the mistress provides for them, emotional and verbal support.
Another reason why men seek a mistress is that some need is not fulfilled at home. Maybe it's emotional, like a lack of support, or maybe it's an intellectual one, or it may be a physical one too. They go outside the marriage to look for someone else to fulfill that need. They find that in a mistress, the excitement and passion of being with someone else that's willing to give them all their attention in or outside the bedroom.
Can A Man Love His Wife And Mistress Equally?
It doesn't seem possible, right? That he can love two women equally? Two women, that are on different sides of the equation? Men don't seek mistresses that remind them of their wives, just the opposite, so they can't love them equally. It's a contradiction to think you found a soul mate in a sea of deception. In some cases, men would think that they're in love with their mistress because they love the way they make them feel about themselves. They may confuse what they have with a mistress with love, but love is built on or based on history and honesty, and being there for the good and the bad. With a mistress, he just shares the good stuff and that's not based on reality.
How Can A Wife Tell If Her Husband Has A Mistress?
For some time you have the feeling that everything is not as is supposed to be in your marriage but how can you be sure if he's really having an affair or is just your paranoia? Nobody wants to be blindsided right? Because the truth is that men don't come reeking of another woman's perfume or with their clothes covered in lipstick so it's not so easy to know for sure. However, there are signs, they might not be obvious but if you're willing to take a closer look, you'll see them. They are almost always there.
How can a wife tell if her husband has a mistress? Take a closer look at his behavior.
A sudden change in his appearance
It may be because he's going through a mid-life crisis but if your husband suddenly starts to make drastic changes in his appearance, like wearing his hair differently, or totally changing his wardrobe, or stops being a couch potato and starts working out (without any apparent reason), you should be suspicious because he may have a mistress that's prompting him to do all these changes. Be on the look-out for sudden transformations, that's a sure sign he has a mistress.
He creates distance between you two
One sure giveaway that he has a mistress is emotional distance It's not easy to be emotionally invested in two persons at a time, so he needs to create distance between you two because he's betraying your trust and because he's trying to assuage his guilt. So, if he's avoiding having conversations with you, or just talking about superficial things, or he has stopped his displays of affection in public, he may be having an affair.
A sudden change in his attitude towards you
If you have noticed dramatic changes in his mood (especially towards you), there's cause for alarm there. It could be he's going through stressful times at work and he takes it out on you but if he starts criticizing things about you that didn't bother him before like your eating habits, or your appearance, the way you do things at home...be sure that it has nothing you've done that's wrong, it's him being unfaithful.
Another sure sign he's hiding something is a guilt-ridden behavior. Sure he may feel all of a sudden that he needs to help out more at home, so he can offer to do the dishes or help you organize things at home, or help with the kids... but if you know your husband and if that's not him at all, he could be doing it out of guilt because he has a mistress. It's the same if he starts giving you expensive gifts out of nowhere or if he's avoiding looking you in the eye.
5 Tell-Tale Signs Your Husband Loves His Mistress
This is not something a wife wishes. Her husband loving another woman, his mistress. Sadly, it happens and you need to know for sure so you can do something about it. Whether to try to win him back or get rid of him and start mending your heart.
Here are 5 tell-tale signs your husband loves his mistress.
1. You're not his priority anymore, she is
If he starts being absent during family events, or during the time he spends at home (messaging or stepping outside to make phone calls) then it's because he can't get her out of his mind and wants to be with her.
2. You're not included in his plans anymore
Usually, you make plans together whether to spend time together or to spend time as a family or plans for the future (personal or professional). However, if you notice he starts to make plans without including you, he may be making these plans with her.
3. He's not meeting your needs anymore
He's not doing the little things that he used to do that tell you he was taking care of you like covering you with a blanket when you were cold, or bringing you flowers because he knows you love them, things that make you happy. He's not meeting your needs in the bedroom too. He's not touching you anymore or he's doing it out of an obligation without any regard for your wants and needs.
4. You're not his confident anymore
He used to talk to you about everything, the good and the bad. But lately, he's not talking to you, he's not seeking your opinion on anything, his trust has gone to someone else.
5. He stops being interested in your life
He's not eager anymore in knowing what's happening in your life and everything about you. He has lost interest, he's not asking questions or asking how are you on a daily basis. He also is not interested in making you laugh or offering support when you're feeling down.
How Can/Should The Wife Handle Her Husband Having A Mistress And Possibly Loving The Latter?
Having found out that your husband has fallen in love with someone else and has a mistress is for sure one of the most devastating and stressful things that you'll ever face. It impacts emotionally and physically, and it can leave you numb and making you feel lonely. First, take a breath... your body needs oxygen to function. In moments like this, you need to think and process. Get moving, force yourself to do everyday things, so you can tackle the harder things that await you.
Then you need to process and evaluate your situation. To make a good decision, you need to have all the facts and for that, you need to talk with your husband. A heart to heart conversation to know for sure if, in spite of his affair, the marriage is worth saving, if that's what you both want.
Be brave, you'll need courage whether you decide to end the marriage or stick with it and try to save it.
Can A Marriage Still Be Saved If The Husband Has A Mistress? Should It Be Saved?
A marriage can be saved after infidelity, just take into consideration these facts: it hurts, it's not easy, there will be anger, and tears, and possibly depression. It will take time to heal, you'll have to make a decision to trust again. Your husband will have to take responsibility for his cheating. You'll have to talk about what was lacking in your marriage. It'll take a commitment from both of you to save the marriage, and you'll have to have courage. Also, you'll probably need professional help to process what happened.
Should your marriage be saved? That's a question only you can answer because each marriage is different and only you can know if it's worth it.
Your husband having a mistress is probably the hardest thing you'll face in your marriage. If you want to fight for him and your marriage, it's totally your decision just have all the facts and don´t let your emotions make all the decisions. You deserve to have all his love, if he's not willing to give it to you, maybe it's time to call it quits and start all over again.