Advice For Dating Older Men: The Pros And Cons You Need To Know

Do you like to date older men? Are you attracted to men who are 10 years older than you or more? Here are the pros and cons of dating older men.

By Lindsey Ladd
Advice For Dating Older Men: The Pros And Cons You Need To Know

Dating older men: why are we so attracted to them?

Some of us can't help it, but we have a thing for older men. I'm not talking about the guy who is a year or two older than you, I'm talking about the guys who are at least 10 years older. I have always been attracted to older men, so I get it. When I was in high school, I wasn't interested in the guy my age, I was interested in the guys who I shouldn't have been attracted to. So, I avoided dating until I was in my 20s and in college. Older men offer so many things that men my age never could, although I have to admit that over the years there have been some negative things I've found out as well.

Pros and cons of dating older men

Dating older men has it's perks and downfalls. Some older men only seek out a younger woman because she's just that, younger. Others are looking for real relationships. I hope I can give you a well-rounded advice. Not all older men show signs of these 'cons', but if I'm going to give advice, I want to give you the good and the bad. So, let's begin. Here's the best advice I have for dating older men, both the pros and the cons. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

The pros of dating older men

Since I am one who prefers to date older men, my advice may seem skewed. I came up with a million pros for this type of relationship, but I have managed to boil it down to a more reasonable number. Dating older men can have its flaws but, in my experience, the pros outweigh the cons. Everyone has their own experiences, and that is something to always take into account. Here are the most common pros I have found in dating men who are 10 years older (or more) than me.

Pro #1 - Older men are more stable

I never wanted to be dependent on a man. I neither had nor have the intention of wanting a 'sugar daddy'. However, the refreshing thing about dating older men is that they are stable. Much more stable than most men in their 20s. There is something refreshing about being with a man who is financially stable. He isn't spending money going out and burning his whole paycheck at the bar. He's also emotionally stable. Older men typically know who they are and are there for you much more than younger men. As far as I'm concerned, stability is vital for me in a relationship. I want to have a family, and finding a man who is already financially and emotionally stable in his 20s can be difficult. It's not impossible, but it's difficult.

Pro #2 - They have had more life experiences

A man in his 20s isn't typically very experienced. He's 'green'. If he's dated, his relationships haven't been very serious and more than likely he's only dated a few girls since high school. Life experiences are so important, at least they are to me when it comes to the man I'm with. I have experienced a lot of grief and heartache and I want a man who can relate to that. I want a man who understands life and isn't just worried about what party he's going to crash next weekend. Older men get it. Older men have been able to experience life more, so they know how to handle the hard things in life and know how to celebrate and appreciate the good ones. They also have learned what they want from life and from a partner/spouse, so it takes a lot of the guesswork out. My advice might be a bit skewed since I've only had one boyfriend who was in his 20s. However, I have to say that dating older men can be more stimulating mentally and emotionally than a younger guy in his 20s. He can challenge you to be so much better than you think while keeping you grounded at the same time. An older man has experienced life and appreciates women more.

Pro #3 - They are more experienced in bed

Speaking of experience... Older men are much more experienced in bed and, let's be honest, they should be. If you are seeing a guy who is 10 years older than you or more, he should be much more experienced in bed. If you want to try something new, talk to him and ask him. I'm sure he has plenty of tricks up his sleeve. In my experiences with older men, I have found that they are great communicators. They know what they like, so they will figure out what you like and will often do it. I've never been with an older man who has been shy. Their experience in the bedroom has taught them to enjoy the intimacy with a woman and to make it more about her than it is him. Men in their 20s tend to be selfish in the bedroom - in my experience at least. When I have been with a man who has been older than me, he has been the complete opposite. Older men make it about us, women, and they always seem to be that much happier at the end. Their experience over the years pays off in our favor in this case.

Pro #4 - Older men know what they want

Dating older men has a number of advantages, as far as I'm concerned. One of those advantages is that he knows what he wants from a partner, life, and everything else. He has goals. There isn't very much guessing while you're dating older men. They will be honest with you about what they want, where they stand and where your relationship will go. Older men don't hide things and aren't going to waste time leading you on - most of the time. When a guy is in his 20s, he still wants freedom, so they don't want to settle down or make a commitment. It's like they are still in high school and just want to party and live life day by day. Most younger guys aren't thinking about anything more than that, so they aren't sure what they want from a relationship. They just know they like you and want to keep you around. Older men are different because they know what they want. If it's casual, they will tell you; if it could lead to more, they will tell you. If they are looking for a wife and want to have children, you will know. Older men have been there, they aren't going to play games unless that's who they are, but we will get to that later on.

Pro #5 - They are ready to settle down

If they haven't done it already, most older men are ready to settle down. Some might have been there and won't go back into a marriage. However, for the most part, an older man in his mid-30s is ready to settle down and have a family. At this point, they already have gone to college, have an established career, and are now ready for a wife and family. If you are looking to settle down, you will have better luck with an older man than a guy in his 20s. A man in his 20s who wants to settle down, especially if he is only 3-5 years out of high school, is hard to find.

Pro #6 - Older men don't like to play games

The dating game was never my thing. When I was in high school and even college, I hated it. One thing that always drew me to older men was that they don't play games. If they are interested, you'll know, as you won't have to wait 3-5 days to see if he will text or call. Now, there are some older men who have always played games, and this is why they are still single. Be careful of those ones. If he's willing to play games in the beginning, it's my advice to be very careful because he will probably always be playing some kind of game with you and your heart. Older men who are worth your time don't want to play games. They are serious about your relationship, even if it's casual. This is one of my favorite things about dating older men!

The cons of dating older men

Every relationship has its downside. Some of those downsides are worth dealing with, others aren't. Some of the 'red flags' or cons of a relationship should automatically tell you to run. Here I have listed the most common cons I have found about dating older men. This definitely isn't a comprehensive list. I hope this helps you decide whether the man you're dating is worth staying with, or if the downside is just too much to bear.

Con #1 - Older men can act condescending

I don't necessarily think that older men do this on purpose, but I guess some do. If that's true, then they probably did it on purpose when they were in their 20s as well. In that case, I'm not sure I would bother with them. I do, however, seem to take it in stride when an older man I'm dating does this. It generally comes out when they are trying to give you advice. I don't think they mean to be condescending, but when someone 10 years older than you (or more) is giving you advice about a job or another situation, at times he can be condescending. Again, I tend not to take this personal, but some people do. If this is a pet-peeve of yours, then I would say that my advice would be to take a closer look and maybe even talk to him about it. If it seems like he's doing it often and it's just becoming too much, then maybe it's time to look for a new guy.

Con #2 - They treat you like a child when you fight

This is one of my biggest pet-peeves and it doesn't matter if I'm dating someone in their 20s, 30s, or 40s. A man who treats me like a child when we fight and have an argument is not a man I want to be with. This is different than him being condescending. It's when he scolds you, shames you, or makes you feel like a small child when you have 'done something wrong', and that is how he will put it too. It won't ever be his fault. Again, I don't care if the guy is older or not, but this is one of those things that I have no patience for. My advice would be to get out now. You deserve to be treated better than that!

Con #3 - They can be controlling

Older men can definitely be more controlling than younger men in their 20s or so. I think this comes from their experience and they may not mean this to be negative, as it is more like they are trying to protect you. Some men are very controlling in a way that is clearly abusive. I am dating a man right now who can be controlling at times, but I've noticed that he does it in a way that is more of trying to protect me. He wants me to be safe, and he wants me to be a strong and independent woman, but when I needed new tires, he made calls and took care of it. He took control and handled it. This is a way older men can take care of us, it's how they show they care. Be observant. If you are with an older man who is controlling about things like getting your tires changed and making sure you are safe and taken care of, that's one thing. However, if he is controlling about who you hang out with, what you spend your time doing, etc., then my advice is to tread lightly. Just beware.

Con #4 - Older men tend to be set in their ways

Older men are known to be 'stuck in their ways'. Have you heard the saying: "You can't teach an old dog new tricks"? Well, from my experience, I can tell you this is definitely true. Older men have their routine, and they know what they like and what they don't. Don't think that you will burst into his life and that he will stop everything and change for you. If you don't like who he is, how he dresses, how he does his hair and what he watches on TV, then it may be safe to say that he isn't the guy for you.

Con #5 - The older they are, the more the age difference shows

This is one con that is tough to avoid. It is difficult to overlook the fact that we all age. When you are dating a man who is 10 years older than you, the day will come where he may actually look and act his age. It's tough to say when that will be, since some men age amazingly, but it happens to us all. Gravity will take over. Wrinkles will appear. He won't have the endurance he once had. Things will change. For some couples, this isn't an issue. However, it is a hard thing to ignore. Before you go all in with an older man, you may want to think about this and think about if it will bother you 10 years from now, or even 20.

Con #6 - You won't share many first experiences

Took my first ferry ride to Seattle⛴ #bucketlist ✔️

A post shared by Megan Hess (@meganmfh) on

One of the great things about dating someone in their 20s, or closer to your own age, is that you get to experience a lot of first situations together. There are endless 'firsts' to talk about, and for some this isn't a big deal. But is it for you? Your first love. Your first engagement. Your first child. Your first, and hopefully your only, wedding. It may be silly, but for some older men, these things have already happened. They don't want a big wedding because they've had one. They know what being engaged was like. They may even know, and be very familiar with, parenthood. For some, experiencing these firsts with someone you will share your life with is important. For others, it doesn't matter. Decide for yourself, but be honest and make sure you talk to him about it. Most older men will get it.

If you date older men, enjoy their experience and be aware of the possible flaws

Overall, it is my advice that if you are into dating older men, then go for it! I have always dated older men and appreciate their experiences and the maturity they have compared to guys in their 20s. The most important thing, just like in any relationship, is to be aware of the possible flaws that could go along with that. Older men, just like any other man, have the ability to be the best thing to ever happen to you and your dating life. My experiences have been different, but always be aware of the way they treat you and speak to you. Have fun and appreciate what they have to offer to the relationship, but always be sure you are being treated with the respect you deserve.


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