Relationship 101: Is Getting Back With An Ex A Good Idea?

There are instances where you are feeling remorseful about your breakup and want to make up. But, is getting back with your ex a good idea?

By Neko Yama
Relationship 101: Is Getting Back With An Ex A Good Idea?

Missing The Ex—Should You Get Back?

Most of us have experienced relationship failures at least once in our lives. Some can move on and go on with their own paths easily while others take years before completely setting themselves free. Either way, there will come a time that we will remember the past and miss our exes in different ways that only one can tell. But, truth be told, it's both pleasant and melancholy to dig up old memories, right? There will be a sudden feeling of reuniting with our exes—the urge to call or chat with them and ask how they are. These kind of feelings are highly confusing for both men and women. Some relationships ended badly, while some ended just because. Feelings of getting back with an ex may cause another series of grief or a new and much happier beginning—depending on what the reasons are for a relationship failure. An unfit mind would not be able to make right decisions. Whichever way you are missing your ex, you have to ask yourself questions about​ whether it is a good idea to have your ex back in your life. Are you missing your ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend in a way that you just want some reminiscing? Do you miss your ex along with thinking of how unable you are to live without him/her? Are you missing your ex because you just remembered how good the sex was? Or, did your ex-girlfriend/ex-boyfriend pop into your mind because you've seen something that reminded you of them?

This dilemma is much more difficult for a husband and wife who divorced, because there might have been things that needs deeper consideration—children, marriage, living together again, family on both sides, and more. Having to go through relationship breakups is pretty difficult but being married and then divorced is devastating. Inside a marriage, one must have spent and sacrificed so many personal matters to make it work out. It is a promise that was written on a paper and pledged in front of loved ones. If you are in this kind of situation currently, what can you do? These decisions are life changing so you must force yourself to think properly. If you are being torn between wanting to make up and remembering miserable memories with your past relationship, let's talk about some things to consider.

How Long Has It Been Since You Broke Up?

It might be a good idea if you consider how long you have been separated, before getting back with each other. Why? It's because of relevance. You have to ask yourself if you are really missing your ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend to the point that you want them back, or maybe you are just missing your ex because you just suddenly remembered something of them. If you have been moving on with your life for a year or two without having to connect with your ex, then it's probably irrelevant to look back and repeat everything. Think what you have already proved yourself by being able to live without him/her, why suddenly want to get back, right? Although, yes, there are days within those years where you might still talk and ask how each other is doing with their lives. Then again, maybe that's all there is to it—you are good with each other being acquaintances or even friends. If the relationship is meant to be, it should have happened a bit earlier. However, if the break up happened just months ago, then maybe it wasn't really a breakup and there is still hope for both of you and your ex. Perhaps, you just cooled off and getting back with each other is still possible.

What Caused Your Relationship To Fail?

Relationships don't end just because you want it to end. No matter what you think, there is definitely a reason for it to fail. Think about what happened when you broke up with your ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend. Was it a good or a bad ending? Did it cause both of you great grief? Did you need a considerable amount of effort to move on from it? If your ex is the reason for your break up, there would be no point of getting back with him/her, right? If you escaped from the relationship because your ex continued to hurt you, why would you want to repeat that? However, if the blame is on you, ask yourself if you've changed. Are you still holding on to your reason that caused the breakup or are you willing to rethink about it? Is reconciliation really what you're aiming for or do you just miss your ex-girlfriend/ex-boyfriend being around? When you get back with your ex while you're still unfit to think properly, keep in mind that what happened before might happen again. You might have to sacrifice some things you have right now that you never had to before when you were in the relationship. You have to know each other's side of getting back together is what you both wanted, and that if you two are willing to change for a better relationship. If one is not open and unsure, better think twice about wanting to make up.

Compare Your Ex Then To Now

One of the most important things to consider is the comparison between before and now, especially if it is a divorce between a husband and a wife. You must remember that just because you divorced it doesn't mean things already changed. Time lets you forget but it doesn't necessarily mean changes. How was your ex-husband/ex-wife before when you were still together? If the cause of your divorce was your husband/wife being financially unstable and being a burden, what is he/she like now? Does he/she have a good life and doing well now? If the cause is cheating, did your ex-husband/ex-wife have successful relationships after yours? Because if he/she hasn't, then it's probably for the same reason. Did you divorce your spouse because they had bad habits that were a threat to the family? It's going to be obvious if he/she already changed for the better.

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If you see that most matters are still the same, getting back with each other would be pointless. Besides, you also have to consider the members of your family if they've thought about it as well. Getting into a pointless relationship can be a threat to your children, and your parents and other relatives might find it hard to accept your decision of getting back with your ex-husband/ex-wife. Another point to remember: if your reason for getting back with your ex-husband/ex-wife is your conscience telling you that your children are growing up with a broken family, know that it is better to raise them as a single parent than to give them a complete but malfunctioning family.

Getting Back For Real Or Getting Back For Sex?

A relationship with a good and active sex life is worth keeping, right? Of course, it should go along with love. This is highly important to consider when you think about getting back with your ex because the feeling might be just your response to craving for some steamy sexual act. If it is so, it is up to you if you really want to chat with him/her again for an invitation to perform some ultimate and passionate sex. However, being together again, even if it's just something physical, could lead you to fall back in love with your ex. And, if you made sure that it is just really about sex that made you miss him/her and nothing more, it means catastrophe. Why? You'll get back into a relationship that once failed and will fail again for sure because you haven't thought carefully about the decision. So, if you are missing your ex, or rather, the bedroom activities that you both made before, it's highly suggested that you ignore these feelings for now. But, then again, your life, your choice, also your consequences.

Getting Back In The Relationship Or Rebound?

Admit it, there are times where you miss your ex while you are currently in another relationship. Do not ever conclude that you want to get back with your ex immediately as this doesn't necessarily mean that. Think about what is happening in your present relationship first. Are you having a dispute with your current lover? Perhaps, you are not talking to each other for days now and you are just longing for someone to care for you or someone you can talk to. Maybe your mind is just showing you a false comparison of "happy moments with your ex" vs "a misunderstanding with your current at the moment". If this is the situation, do not make rash decisions and break up with your current boyfriend/girlfriend to get back with your ex. Remember that every relationship goes through disagreements and can be fixed through talking. Making rash moves might make you regret it someday. However, if you are currently going through a relationship demise, and suddenly missing your ex gives you an urge to communicate again, this doesn't mean that you still love him/her.

Perhaps, you are going through a heartbreak now and to save yourself from it, your mind tells you to re-enter your former relationship. Do not ever do this as it is something cruel—you're treating your ex as a rebound and that is not love at all. That is not reconciliation, it's selfishness. Besides, if you get back in your former relationship without any feelings of love at all, it's going to be your loss too. You might feel safe and secure at the moment, but once you get over your current heartbreak, you'll find yourself imprisoned again in a relationship you never wanted and will result to another new stress—new relationship failure. Know that it's okay to stay single if you don't feel like committing yourself to someone yet. Or, if you find yourself wanting to talk to your ex after a current breakup, you can share your dilemmas with him/her and keep the conversation casual but never, ever enter a relationship with someone you do not love.

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