Why He Pulls Away When Falling In Love & How To Make Him Come Back

You want to know why the new guy has started to pull away yet there are signs he has fallen in love with you. Learn how you can draw him closer.

By Gerald Matiri
Why He Pulls Away When Falling In Love & How To Make Him Come Back

Why do men pull away when they fall in love?

At one time in your life, you have dated a guy who turns hot and cold. One day he seems so passionate and in the next he sounds like the opposite version of him. It is a change so small sometimes that you might not recognize instantly. It starts one night when he fails to tell you goodnight. You console yourself that he will surprise you in the morning with a lovely text. Morning comes and there’s not a beep on your phone. Time passes and you realize that he no longer checks on you and you start becoming paranoid. You decide to call him but he talks in boring tone, so you presume that he’s busy. Soon you realize that the odds are not in your favor and want to know the reason behind this sudden shift. You have a crippling fear that your new relationship is crumbling. What makes dudes to pull away? How do you handle such a situation? How do you make him come back?

The actual reasons he decides to pull away when in love

So what is it that makes the guy to pull away? Here are some good reasons that you need to know. These are very important as they hold the key to the future, where you can ensure that the guy does not pull away from you. Just read on.

1) He pulls away not to lose his freedom

Your new boyfriend has other interests besides you: friends, studies, career, and hobbies. He is loyal to these things and that’s why he needs space to enjoy them. The last thing he wants is to get stuck with you forever and lose his other life. He would hate to lose his hobby or friends just because he has to commit to a relationship. This might seem interesting to you but not to him. If you want to enjoy a healthy relationship, do not to interfere with his freedom.

2) He is scared of falling in love so

The guy could have been hurt before and so he’s apprehensive about giving you his entire heart. He will pull away because he’s scared that you might cheat on him someday. He’d rather be the one initiating a breakup than getting dumped. Former relationship scars take time before healing. Nobody wants a repeat of an awful scene so it makes sense that he’s protecting his heart.

3) He will pull away to decide if you are the one

You have noted this: he goes out with you but hasn’t yet made things exclusive to you. He doesn’t want to get too close and strings you along because he is uncertain about something. Perhaps he is waiting for another better woman. The guy is simply not sure you are the girl he wants to be with. So, if you see him withdrawing from you, let him be. Give the dude time to make an informed decision.

4) He feels like his love is unappreciated

Another reason he will pull away is that you’re ignoring him. If he doesn’t feel appreciated he will be stressed up and conclude that you have no interest in him. This tells you that when you are really into him, always compliment him and reciprocate his love gestures. Men may not admit it but they like it when their efforts are appreciated by their ladies. Learn to say ‘thank you’ for the smallest things he does for you and he will commit fully to your relationship.

5) You are too available for him

You don’t need to make things easier for him all the time; he will lose interest. Make him work hard to win you over. If you give him the impression that you will stick with him no matter what, then he might just pull away because he knows he won’t lose you. Making yourself too available means he can ignore you whenever he feels like. After all, he will find you when he wants. Take advice and play a little hard-to-get.

6) Men get confused when they fall in love

Love makes people do crazy things including nothing. If he doesn’t know exactly what to do, he will pull away. Maybe he gets scared or nervous when he faces you due to lack of proficient socialization skills. If a guy is inexperienced in relationship matters, he will be too scared to make a move and so will resort to pulling away. It could be that he feels embarrassed or he fears to make a huge mistake.

7) Maybe you are not his priority

In any relationship, you will either be your partner’s priority or just another option. In case he has other potential girlfriends, he might not commit fully. The best thing to do if you notice this is to cut him loose. Or do you want to fall for a Casanova? Well, it depends on what type of relationship you are looking for. But just in case he seems to pull away, just know that there is a possibility he has other women in his life.

WHAT TO DO IF HE IS NOT ‘SHOWING UP’ FOR YOU It is one of the most awful feelings for a woman when you get silence from a man. Especially when you are desperately seeking to be heard, seen and desired by that man. This is probably one of our greatest fears. It will literally drive us mad and lead us into crazy lady land! I am actually unsure if men realise how much this really effects us. So this piece of writing is to all the women who have said the words ‘I just want him to show up for me’ Ladies, if he is not showing up for you, the first thing you have to ask yourself is ‘where am I not showing up?’ And especially ‘where am I not showing up FOR MYSELF?' You have to take a look at all the ways and all the areas in your life where you are not showing up. You are giving away your power to this person time and time again by waiting, hoping and wishing that maybe one day they might decide to show up and be there for you. You hope that one day they might actually keep their promises to you that they seem to keep breaking. The number one thing that a woman desires most from a man is trustability. Is he reliable, is he dependable, is he accountable, is he responsible? Does he do what he says he is going to do? This is what makes a woman feel safe. Which are all reflections of the relationship we have with our own inner masculine. Are you reliable? Are you dependable? Are you accountable? Are you self-responsible? Do you do what you say you are going to do? And if not, you need to look at that shit. Because this man is your mirror. If you find you can’t trust him or don’t feel safe, then the questions to ask are: ‘Where am I not trusting myself? Where do I not feel safe inside of myself?’ Ultimately this is a journey about self. It’s not even really about him. Perhaps you need to stand up and say: ‘I will no longer chase or yearn for someone who is not showing up for me’ AND STICK TO IT. SEE FULL POST ON FBOOK - 'EJ LOVE PRIESTESS' #couples #romance #ghosted #ghosting #relationshipgoals #rshipgoals #lovers #unhappycouple #beingignored #rshipcoach #lovecoach #relationshipcoach

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8) His family doesn’t want you

Family matters are very powerful. You need to understand that no matter how much he loves you, his mother, sisters, brothers, or dad always come first. If these people don’t like you for him, they could do all they can to keep him away from you. That could be the reason he has been disappearing and you need to learn how to handle such a scenario. You might be tempted to turn him against his family but that’s not a smart move. Let him decide what is best for him. If he truly loves you, he will come back no matter the pressure from his family.

9) You don’t fit in his life plan

Every man has their own ambitions and in case he realizes you don’t fit anywhere in his dreams, he might pull back. You might be a great woman but the timing is wrong. If this is the case then, what you need is to move on and don’t try to change yourself just to please him; you will get tired along the way. That’s why it is always good to enter a relationship open-minded. Always remember that there is a possibility he might not feel the same way you do. Do not be surprised if he asks for a casual relationship even though you are not the woman of his dreams. But make sure you are not putting your heart in jeopardy. If casual is not what you are looking for, just tell him no. You don’t want to get into a relationship hoping he will take you seriously only to get disappointed.

10) He thinks you are incompatible

Men rarely compromise when making major decisions; they only commit to relationships they are sure of. Before he takes you as his girlfriend, he will look at the big picture first and ask himself if the two of you share any interests or goals. If your differences are huge, he will disregard the idea of a long-term relationship with you. He will want to know if you want children in future and how many, what your religious beliefs are; your career goals, as well as your lifestyle. Such matters can make him pull away just when he is falling in love with you. Note that he cannot take the risk of changing his life just for you, so accept the truth and move on.

11) You are better than him

A man will pull away if he feels like he is not good enough for you. No man wants to be inferior in a relationship. He might feel intimidated because you do better than him academic wise or financially. For these matters, he thinks you deserve a man with a better career or financial position. He will particularly be scared if his finances are not on track. At the back of their mind, men believe that their financial statuses are the main determining factors for happy relationships. If his job is unstable and learns that you are richer than him, he might pull back so he can organize himself and perhaps surpass you. This is not the time to pressure him; give him space to upgrade his life.

12) He is scared to commit

One of the main reason men pull away is that they not ready for the commitment that comes with a meaningful relationship. If he notices that you are getting too serious, he will want some space in order to gain some perspective. This does not always mean that you are dealing with a player; perhaps you came into his life at the wrong time. He is simply not ready to commit.

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13) He is stressed up

There are a million reasons men withdraw from women and most of them are never about the relationship or the women themselves. While you are acting so freaked out that the man you like has stopped paying attention to you, he could be stressed up with issues at work or something in his family. Sure, he might go MIA to make you chase after him; he could as well be jam-packed with life problems and dedicating all his energy and time to solving those problems. If you are a true friend, you should try and find out what is bothering him rather than acting paranoid and suspicious over nothing.

How to make him come back

The most probable thing going on in your head is how to make him change his recent attitude. Honestly, trying to compel a man to give you attention can turn into a nasty experience. If you find yourself wondering if he truly loves you, it is a huge sign you need to move on and let go of him. In most cases, men are very frank when showing their intentions. Therefore, you shouldn’t ignore the subtle signs he is not into you. Now that you’ve learnt the reasons men pull away, you should know how to respond to the situation. You can react or choose not to react at all. But no matter what you choose to do just remember that persuading a man to love you never works. You will only end up stressed if you try so hard to please him. The other thing which is absolutely pointless is trying to share your feelings with him hoping against hope that you might touch his heart so he can come back. The best decision you can make is to step back and give him space. This does not include deleting him in your life; quit trying so hard to mend things. Start by understanding that you cannot control a man’s feelings for you. Let him make up his mind because he is a grown up. Just don’t suffocate him with questions, messages, or phone calls. If you give him time and he still remains distant, then you already have the answer. Before you give up on him, try the following to make him come back.

14) Take it easy

Consider it to be a normal part of a relationship. Men drift away even when they are in the most serious relationships like marriage. When a man falls in love, he feels vulnerable and this feeling makes him stressed up. No man is totally comfortable with being vulnerable at first but with time, they learn to deal with the feelings. It is, therefore, normal that he distances himself when he is falling in love. If he truly loves you, he will come around and your relationship will go on. He will need space once in a while but it will be less frequent once he manages to deal with his feelings.

15) Express your feelings the right way

Sure, you feel angry and stressed up for being ignored by the same guy who pulled your heart into a rollercoaster of passion. It is easier for you to express resentment so he understands how bad he hurt you. But be careful how you relay your feelings. Do not use any aggressive or passive means such as blaming him for how you feel. For instance, stop questioning him about how he spends his time or why he no longer calls you at night. Rather than reprimanding him, thank him for the little time he spends with you. Your moody behavior will only pull him further from you. Try to be fun and express positive energy when he is with you. Let him see that you can control your emotions and he will feel free to be himself when he is around you. The more you show you understand him, the more he will realize how much he needs you. He will want to come back and commit to a happier and fun woman.

16) Make him fall in love with you again

You have to give him reasons to come back to you by making him desire you. Do not try to chase after him- the attempt will backfire even before you execute it. If he feels compelled or trapped, he will develop a defensive mechanism and you might lose him for good this time. So how do you make him fall for you all over again? Do not ask him why he is distant and stop forcing responses from him. Forget about texting, calling, sending him an email, or checking him at his work. The point here is to make him miss you and desire more of you. Let his heart grow fond of you naturally by giving him the space he needs. When he realizes what he is missing, he will come back to you. Knowing what’s wrong with him is almost impossible but it is possible to offer him what he needs i.e. space and time. Let him reflect on the relationship and clear his head.

Final word

Did you know that how you react when a guy starts to withdraw can push him further away from you or draw him closer? If you meet a man today and both of you fall in love, you would probably have the most amazing feeling ever. He will start giving you a lot of attention from endless texts, DMs, and making plans to see you often. Everything seems so perfect. But wait until when stops giving you all the attention and starts to pull away slowly by slowly; that’s when the reality starts hitting you. Why, out of the blue, would he stop texting and calling? Why doesn’t he want to make weekend plans anymore or is he trying to mess up with your feelings? Whatever the case, you can sense there’s something horrible about this relationship. It’s as if all the butterflies just died or he punched you in your stomach. You might be tempted to try and fix the error by clinging on to him. Before you take a step to ‘fix’ your relationship, be warned that a typical reaction like calling him now and then could make things worse than they already are. Worrying too much could damage the relationship even more. Just stop trying to pull him closer. It sounds controversial but the best way to make him come back is to give him space and let him do it on his own. On top of this, use the above tips and you will make him come back to you.