Top 40 Relationship Quotes That Are Funny But So True

Love and relationship has many angles, some are serious and some seriously funny but true. And thankfully there are some people who have understood the underlying funny factor in them and have put them in some cute and funny sayings. You can pursue your relationship and love goals, relishing these funny sayings and forgetting the bad memories.

"Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are."

It will surely tell you how good or bad they are at handling pressure.

“Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers.”

It hits the bad spot in a funny way.

"I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."

Isn't it cute?.

“What’s the best way to have your husband remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.”

Intelligent, isn't it?

“My wife, Mary, and I have been married for forty-seven years, and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.”

It can't be that bad. Can it be?

“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”

That's an incredibly funny way of a happy relationship.

“Never marry a man you wouldn’t want to be divorced from.”

Yeah, it would be bad enough to be stuck in an unwanted marriage and not being able to let go.

“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?”

Think about it.

“Marriage is a lot like the army, everyone complains, but you’d be surprise at the large number that re-enlist.”

Even after all the bad experiences and complaints, those who have been in it wants it again.

“Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.”

It makes you feel more and think less.

“I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.”

Really? Can love be that bad and feels like smallpox?

"Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."

Does it?

"If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?"

So, you want a different answer or a different question to the same answer?

"Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there."

Back ache is bad, and I am sure you haven't missed the point.

"If you can stay in love for more than two years, you're on something."

That's tough. You have a goal here.

“If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools.”

They look all the same.

“First love is a kind of vaccination which saves man from catching the complaint the second time.”

So, you have a relationship goal here, don't fall for it again.

“Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke”

Love cigars, don't you?

“I wish falling in love has traffic lights too, so that I would know if I should Go for it, Slow Down or just Stop.”

The goal is to get it right.

“My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met.”

Funny.

“Relationships are hard. It’s like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks’ notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.”

It will give you a goal to stay.

“If you text ‘I love you’ to a person and the person writes back an emoji — no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back.”

Isn't there an emoji for love?

“Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.”

So, your goal is to fake honesty? No, don't take this seriously. be honestly honest.

“An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.”

Any archeologist here?

“Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.”

Still, a long way to go.

“Teenagers don’t know what love is. They have mixed-up ideas. They go for a drive and the boy runs out of gas and they smooch a little and the girl says she loves him. That isn't love. Love is when you are married twenty-five years, smooching in your living room and he runs out of gas and she says she still loves him. That’s love.”

This gives you some serious relationship goals.

“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.”

Will car battery cook for me?

“When we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness – and call it love – true love.”

Weird goals ehh.

"Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing."

Love is accepting them with faults.

"Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand."

So, make them stay in love. That's your goal.

“My husband thinks I am crazy, however, he is the one who married me.”

True.

“Whoever coined the term “absence makes a heart grow fonder,” was an idiot. Absence makes a bitch grow crazy.”

Keep them close.

“I miss you like an idiot misses the point.”

Do you see the point?

"The most important thing in a relationship between a man and a woman is that one of them be good at taking orders."

So learn to take orders, one of you. That's your one of many goals.

"The difference between being in a relationship and being in prison is that in prisons they let you play softball on the weekends."

Be the prisoner of love.

"It's better to have loved and lost than to do 40 pounds of laundry a week."

That's funny.

"Ideally, couples need three lives: one for him, one for her and one for them together."

More is always less.

"Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed."

That shouldn't be the goals of any relationship.

"I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough."

Are you promiscuous?

So, you see, relationships aren't always hard, sometimes they are funny as well.