How To Find Yourself A Good Boyfriend Who's A Keeper

Have you ever wondered what it takes to find yourself the perfect boyfriend? Here are some top tips to help you find a boyfriend who is a keeper!

By R.D. Peevers
How To Find Yourself A Good Boyfriend Who's A Keeper

Why do you need to find a boyfriend?

We all want to find our soulmate or the perfect boyfriend. Anyone who's been on even just a couple of dates, however, will know how hard it can be to find someone you want to spend an evening with, let alone a whole lifetime. So, how do you even find a good boyfriend?

"On a cold winter day, Pierrick was on his way to meet a few friends at one of his favorite restaurants located in the West Village called Buvette. I was moving out of a friend’s apartment into my new place in Chelsea. It’s at the corner of 13th street and 7th avenue that our magical encounter happened. Staring at each other while crossing the street, it felt like the time stopped for a few seconds. Pierrick turned around and said, "You are so beautiful that I needed to stop and talk to you." We exchanged a few words and then our phone numbers. Over the next few months, we got to know each other. After two wonderful years together, Pierrick proposed to me on the same street corner where we met. We have now been married for 8 months and every time we pass by 13th street and 7th ave, we stop to share a kiss and remember that special moment."

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There's a lot of advice out there

You've probably already seen how much advice there is on how to find the perfect boyfriend and fast. They all give you a bunch of rules for success. That's great, but to find a keeper, you have to get to the core of the matter. First ask yourself this: why do you want a boyfriend? Do you find being alone sucks? Do you want a boyfriend as a status symbol? These aren't good reasons for wanting to be with someone long term. Sure, you can get a date and have fun, but these are not good ways to find a keeper.

You come first

Here's the bottom line: you come first. Start looking within yourself and find happiness inside. If you're shy, don't beat yourself up about it. It's all good; there's plenty of shy guys out there. Whether you're at high school or you are an adult, don't let peer pressure make you feel less awesome than you are.

To find a boyfriend, focus on you

The world will always tell you how to think. This is especially true for women: magazines, TV and movies all tell you what to believe and how act. They make women hyperconscious of their body types and their personal choices. This, sadly, is true whether you're in high school or are a high-powered CEO. This is all phony. I know it's almost impossible, but do your best to ignore it. Instead, focus on what makes you happy. Spend time with your friends. Go dancing, travel or do yoga. If you're shy, that's okay too, read a book or do whatever makes you happy. Find your inner contentment and joy.

Happiness is contagious

When you feel confident and happy — it's contagious​. It's magnetic. Without even realizing it, you'll have started attracting good boyfriend material. Sure, there are some days when you won't feel amazing. That's okay. Remember to focus on yourself. Finding a boyfriend is secondary to your happiness. It will happen, but you will only find a keeper when you're content with yourself.

Be Yourself

​When you start dating, it's almost like a job interview. Except that you're both interviewing each other. Sure, we all want to make a good impression on a potential boyfriend, but remember to be yourself. Dress the way you want to dress, in the clothes you want to wear. At the end of the day, it is you as a person he will be spending his life with, if he can't handle that, then he is not the right man for you.

Is he being himself?

Remember, your potential boyfriend will be putting on just as much of a show as you. Pay attention to the clues that will let you know about his real self. What's his body language like? Is he cold or distant? Is he too touchy-feely? Also, listen out for how he treats his friends and family. Is he kind? Does he treat them with respect? These clues can be a fast way of finding out if he could be a great boyfriend.

"The first time I saw Eric was at LAX airport. I was heading home to Austin to visit family for the holidays. Eric happened to be on the same flight. We made eye contact a few times while standing in the security line, waiting at the gate, and boarding the plane. When I arrived in Austin, my mom met me at baggage claim to help me with my suitcase. She spotted Eric across the way and blurts out, "Did you talk to him?" "No mom," I snapped back, "And he can more than likely hear you." A week later, the holidays were over, and it was time to head back to LA. The morning of my flight I was so hungover. If it wasn't for my mom pulling me out of bed and racing me to the airport, I probably would have missed my flight. After dragging myself through security at the rate of a sloth, I grabbed a $20 Smartwater in an attempt to rehydrate and then plopped down at my gate. When I looked up, I noticed Eric sitting directly across from me. I was shocked! What are the chances?? He quickly recognized me from our flight the week prior, and asked me how my trip was. We continued chatting until it was time to board. When we landed back in LA, he offered to give me a ride home. Even though he lived in Venice and I lived all the way in Hollywood, he insisted on taking me. We ended up grabbing dinner that night before he dropped me off. The next day we went to the movies, and the day after that we spent New Year's Eve together. Four years later, we've acquired a quirky Golden Retriever named Charlie and share a place together in Venice."

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To find a boyfriend, get out there!

To find a boyfriend fast, you're going to need to put yourself out there. Get out and meet people. Do things out of the ordinary. If you're shy, don't worry. Hang out at a coffee shop with your girlfriend, or take a book. You'll be amazed at what a conversation-starter an old-fashioned book can be. If you're at high school, go to school events. This can all be pretty daunting, I know. It can also be hard to figure out fast who might be boyfriend material. Don't let that worry you. You are a confident and amazing woman; you are simply out in the world enjoying yourself. If a nice guy comes along, so much the better. If not, don't sweat it.

"Gilbert and I met in 7th grade. I knew he had a crush on me from the moment we were assigned lockers, but I was kind of a school nerd and paid very little attention to boys. On Valentine’s Day, he very shyly asked if we could meet at my locker at the end of the day because he had a surprise for me, so I agreed. Throughout the day, I received so many “flower grams” from other secret admirers that when I finally reached my locker to meet Gilbert, my arms were full of chocolate and roses. He stood there seemingly defeated with a single chocolate rose and a snoopy stuffed animal. For the next four years of high school we became good friends, living just five minutes apart and sharing a love for high school sports. He was a star football player and I was captain of the cheerleading team. Despite his numerous attempts at winning my heart, I never gave him a chance. Instead I chose an older guy and unknowingly broke his heart. However, he never gave up faith. He always kept a distant eye on me, even when we attended different colleges. After we both graduated in 2011, he finally made his move. It was my 23rd birthday and I had moved to New Jersey to begin my marketing career. My friends drove down from Boston and we decided to celebrate in New York City for the night. Gilbert happened to be in New York as well visiting family and asked if we could meet at some point. Throughout the night, my friends and I were bar hopping from place to place making it nearly impossible to coordinate with Gilbert. Finally, at 5AM, I was about to board a train at Penn Station and head back to New Jersey when Gilbert pleaded with me not to get on. I had one foot on the train and one foot off as he came running down the steps. Suddenly the path became clear and I saw this tall debonair man, with a beard and a pea coat walking towards me. I was in awe of how handsome he had become since our High School graduation. After a few months of unofficially dating, he surprised me with tickets to the New England Patriots New Year’s Day home game. There, over our love for football, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I finally said, "yes." Now he is the only Valentine I want for life."

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Slow and steady wins the race

Finding a boyfriend who is a keeper is going to take time. You are going to meet a lot of guys. Some may be great people who could make decent boyfriends, while others just won't work out. Don't lose heart. Remember that dating is a trial run to see if things will work out in the long term. Most dates don't lead anywhere, and that's okay. Stay happy and positive in yourself. Remember that your happiness and well-being is what this is all about. Keep doing the things you enjoy. It is easier to find someone — and much easier to build a healthy, lasting relationship — if you are confident about yourself, your abilities and you enjoy life.

Don't do anything you don't want to do

Say you've now met a potential boyfriend. You've been on a date or two. Don't do anything you don't want to do or don't feel ready to do. If he's a keeper, he's going to be respectful and not pushy. On a related note, don't go places or do things you don't feel completely safe doing. If you're going somewhere new or you'll be with someone new, let a friend know where you'll be. You can even send your location from your phone, so your friend will know exactly where you are.

Don't settle

So, you've met this guy, and it seems like you may have found a boyfriend. Great! Take a step back and think about the big picture. Did you find yourself a keeper? Is this someone you can see yourself staying with for a long time? Are you still able to be yourself and do the things you love doing with him around? Does he compliment your life, and you his? If you're in high school, is he going to get in the way of you achieving your grades? If you're a businesswoman, is he going to hold you back from succeeding? If not, you're one step closer to having a boyfriend who is a keeper.

Let's talk about compromise

At the start, every relationship seems fantastic. Bear in mind that every relationship is about compromise. Yes, that can mean going for Italian food when you'd rather have had Korean. On the bigger scale, however, compromise in a relationship is about working with the other person to bring out the best in each of you. The question to ask is this: is your boyfriend someone you can compromise with? Is your boyfriend someone who is going to be able to help you find the best version of yourself? This works both ways: are you also a good fit for your boyfriend?

You can't change people

Think about your boyfriend for a moment. Does he have a habit that bugs you? Is it how he dresses or how he treats people? Does he have a different outlook on life from you? Don't go into a relationship thinking your boyfriend is a "fixer-upper," it won't work. By and large, people don't change. If you try to make him change, you'll just push him away, and he'll feel resentful. Do you both roughly have the same outlook on life? I don't mean do you both vote Democratic or Republican? It's more about the values you both share. Are you both motivated by roughly the same things? Do you both have (or want) steady jobs? Do you both like to travel? Do you both want (or not want) a family? You'll never find someone who completely matches your outlook on life, and that's good. Differences in a relationship can lead to you both growing. That said, you don't want your values to be too far apart. If you want a nice house in the country while he just wants to hang with his friends a drink, that's a problem. Here's the bottom line: if something bugs you now, it'll bug you even more in six months time. If you have met a guy you just don't click with, then he's not a keeper.

"I moved to NYC from San Francisco when I was 25 years old. I was single and jobless but filled with hope and ambition. To make a long story short, if your heart is open and you aren't searching for love, it will come to you in time. I now work in fashion and met and fell in love with a New Yorker who I married almost 2 years ago. The greatest thing about us meeting is that neither of us were searching for love. I had just moved to a brand new city longing for adventure and new experiences. I filled my days with exploring and making memories in the big apple just in case I couldn't afford to continue living here and had to move home. I met JP at an industry event and was immediately drawn to his charismatic personality and charm. I was chatting with a friend when he totally interrupted the conversation, but I was relieved that I didn't have to make the first move. We started working together through our respective companies and became friends. After 6 months, we were officially dating. Our dates were so special. From Knicks games and runway shows, to hole in the wall dinners and secret supper clubs, we truly explored NYC together and fell in love while doing so. We had been in a relationship for four years when he proposed. I was turning 30 soon and wondering if he was even thinking about marriage. He sent me on a scavenger hunt where the clues and riddles were all places that meant something to us as a couple. The final clue was at Grand Central Station, the place that JP and I met up every single time before we went on a date. It was close to the office of my first job in New York City. Down on bended knee, JP asked me if I would allow him to make me the happiest girl in the world. Of course I said yes!"

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Did it work out?

Maybe you found him this time, or maybe you didn't. Either way, it's okay. Sooner or later you'll find Mr. Right. If something's not working out, remember that you can walk away at any time. Keep your eyes focused on the big picture. Is this guy someone you can see yourself spending a long time with, like the rest of your life? If you're not absolutely certain — and you'll know in your heart if you listen to it — then walk away. Stay happy in yourself, and you'll find a great guy sooner or later.

Use your friends as a reality check

Make sure your boyfriend gets to know your friends (and later, your family). They can give you great perspectives on your choices. When we start out a relationship, we tend to look at the world with rose-tinted spectacles. Our friends can see it like it is. Talk to your most trusted girlfriend. If she says he's not for you, hear her out. Don't get upset at her — it's never easy for friends to give bad news. Remember that she's trying to look out for you. Take some time to think about what she said and why.

In the end

It can take time to find a great boyfriend. It can feel frustrating at the time, and that's understandable. There aren't really any shortcuts to finding true love. Take your time and enjoy the journey. Remember that it's about you. You need to focus on yourself and your own inner happiness. Stay connected with your friends and family. When you do these things, everything else will fall into place. Want to learn more about finding a boyfriend who's a keeper? Check out:

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