I'm Cheating On My Husband And Here's Why

We were in a beautiful relationship for 4 years after which we decided to get married. It felt like the right thing at that moment as we were deeply in love with each other. My husband was the most caring, considerate, understanding and loving human being and meeting him made me feel that we were meant to be with each other. We had common goals, common interests and common dislikes which made us an ideal pair. Everyone who knew us knew that we would get married eventually and that we were made for each other.

Soon after a year, our happiness knew no bounds when our little baby entered the world. He was the cutest and most adorable kid. Our life was complete and I used to regard myself as one of those most blessed women on earth. With a husband I love, a cute little son, a fulfilling job and comfortable life, I felt so happy and content. My husband was and still is an amazing father. Our son is the apple of his eye and he can go to any extremes to fulfill his wishes.

Everything was going on fine with our lives until my husband's new secretary came into the picture. She was everything that I was not and he was clearly mesmerized by her ways. She was sexy, intelligent, smart, modern and very fashionable. But somehow, I was not too impressed by her ways. I did not like her from day one. I thought she was too outspoken and maybe a gold digger. Soon my husband started comparing me to her and even coaxing me to learn things from her. Though I was not happy about being compared to everyday, I did not fight with him over it.

Though I was not happy with him constantly comparing me to her, I decided to take it positively and mend my ways a bit to impress him. I started dressing up well, joined a few classes, groomed myself and did everything under the planet to get his attention. But she was stuck like a thorn between us. I started wondering whether he even noticed the effort I was making in order to please him. He started coming home late every night and at times did not even bother to tell me.

He started coming late from office and started giving all kinds of excuses for his late-coming. One day I decided to surprise him in the office when my world suddenly came down shattering. I caught them in a compromising position in my husband’s cabin. All those apologies and guilt were all fake? He did not mean a single word and did all that drama only for the sake of our son. He could not bear separation from him and hence did everything he could to save the marriage. Instantly thoughts of divorce and separation started clouding my mind but what about my son?

Things became slightly better after the last episode. He felt so guilty about being caught that he sacked her immediately. He apologized to me countless times and I could see that he was making a lot of efforts to mend things up. But I guess, I could not forgive him no matter how much he tried or apologized. Little did I know that he was just faking the guilt all the time. He apologized only because he could not bear to separate from his son. At least that was a consolation to me.

After considering a divorce, I changed my mind and decided to continue staying married just for the sake of my son. Though I tried to forgive him and move on with our lives, I could never erase that episode from my mind. There was something clearly amiss in our lives from then with him being constantly guilty and me being indifferent to him. The knot in our delicate thread of marriage was so bad that it just could not be undone.

Soon things at my workplace changed for the better. There was a new colleague I was supposed to share my projects with and soon we started spending a lot of time together. I was very attracted to him from the beginning. I openly flirted with him. I did not understand then that the cause of my actions was to take revenge on my cheating husband and not because I was genuinely attracted to this new colleague. This time, I started making excuses for staying up late in the office. I don’t know why but ‘tit for tat’ was giving me a strange sort of satisfaction.

I actually intentionally made myself available to my colleague with the intention of calling it a truce with my husband. I have always been that kind of a person. I don’t harm anyone but if anyone harms me, I can’t let go easily. I cheated on my husband and then boldly went and told him about it. I realized later that my behavior had nothing to do with cheating but only taking revenge. If it is cheating it has to be done without the other person coming to know. I cheated on him only to tell him that I did so. I wanted to hurt him, teach him a lesson and make him realise how it feels.

Obviously he did not take it well. He shouted, screamed and then cried. It was that time that I actually felt guilty. How much I cursed myself for my stupid behavior. I thought innumerable times that I could have forgiven him since he was so apologetic. I hated myself for it and later could not even manage to face that colleague of mine and so I changed my job.

Someone told me that its tougher for men to cope with cheating wives and there are many faithful wives who readily cope with cheating husbands. This gender bias was one of the lamest excuses I had ever heard. But whatever it was, my life was totally shattered. Our once sweet and happily married home was filled with silence, guilt and bitterness.

Finally, after months of cold treatment and an empty relationship, we decided to call it quits and go in for a divorce. But we still had feelings of love for each other. I guess it was love that made us compromise and decide to carry on with our marriage and also for the sake of our son. I later realized that he had no more feelings left for me and was ready to compromise only for the sake of our son.

We decided to give our love another chance and dropped the idea of a divorce. We met a marriage counselor to help us improve our marriage. After weeks of sessions, we finally reached a level where we were more or less like before. It gave me a lot of hope and I could almost put everything behind and start afresh. I made peace with myself that the secretary lured and seduced my husband - otherwise, he would not have ever cheated on me. I had almost forgiven him. Thanks to the counselor, I saw things with a fresh perspective and was even happy after going through months of emotional turmoil.

After a few months, we had more or less returned to a normal relationship when one day I came to know through a friend of mine that he was cheating on me again. I found out that it was the same secretary. I was devastated. Cheating on me with the same woman meant that he had been having an affair with her all this while. None of his apologies or guilt meant anything. All my hopes of having a fresh start in our lives failed miserably. I felt like catching him red-handed but at that moment, somehow everything ceased to matter anymore.

Now, I don’t care. I cheat on him without a trace of guilt. There has been no confrontation with him on this matter. He thinks he can fool me but actually I am fooling him too. We are still married for the sake of our son but nothing can be the same again. I guess we should stop cheating on each other and think of a divorce but I love him too much to let him go. It has been months since we have been intimate with each other. I don't even care if he finds out about me cheating on him. I know he will never ask for a divorce himself. I selfishly feel that I have the upper hand now and I do whatever I want but it does not make me a happy person.

This has been the story of my life. I wonder sometimes, had I not cheated on him, would things be different? Well, I don’t have a very big heart and cheating is something that I cannot forgive easily. I know there would be many who would not agree with my views but this is me and this is how it was with me. No excuses need to be said or given. My husband cheated on me and so i did the same with him to teach him a lesson. I don't know how long it will go on like this. I do understand when one cheats on their partners for a one night stand in a drunken state, it's different, but cheating on your spouse with an extra marital affair can be the worst thing on earth. You not only spoil 2 relationships but also forsake the future of your children. Cheating has become a common affair today. Why is it so tough for someone to stay loyal to their own partner?