10 Ways To Let Go And Have The Love You Deserve

If you are experiencing pain from the past, it will be hard to let love into your life. Here are ten ways to let go and open up to the love you deserve.

By Cassie
10 Ways To Let Go And Have The Love You Deserve

Let go to find love

Sometimes when we have been hurt or heartbroken, it seems impossible to find the love that we desire and deserve. Sometimes we feel like we don’t deserve it, or maybe it’s because we are in so much pain that we can’t imagine being happy and in love again. No matter what you are going through, there is always a chance at finding love again. Whether it be a breakup, divorce, or the passing of a loved one, this is not the end of love for you. That being said, in order to make room for the love you deserve, you have to let go of the pain and the past. Here are ten steps to let them go.

1.) Let go of the past

You cannot heal and move forward until you have accepted the past. A lot of our pain comes from not accepting that things happened a certain way. Sometimes when we are on the receiving end of a breakup, we create this fantasy that our relationship was wonderful, and our partner was perfect, even if the reality is that they were toxic. We bargain and plead for an ex to come back. We do whatever we can to deny that things have happened a certain way. But you can’t completely heal until you accept where you are and how you got there. You must accept a relationship is over and that things just didn’t work out. You must accept the flaws in the relationship and take responsibility for your part in its downfall. You can’t move forward until you know what your past is and where you are at now. Accept that things happened, take responsibility for your actions that got you there, and then it will be much easier to continue the healing process and open up to future love.

2.) Let go of the pain

When we are hurting, we don’t always take the time or effort to release it. There could be many reasons for this. Maybe we think we deserve to feel that pain so we hold onto it. Maybe we are afraid of what the future holds for us so we stay focused on the past, whether the memories are good or bad. Or maybe we think that by holding in the pain, we will be able to hurt the person who hurt us, or at the very least, gain their sympathy. Sometimes we don’t release the pain and heal because of external factors. We may not have the emotional support that we need while dealing with the pain. Maybe our friends and family don’t understand or sympathize with our situation. Feeling alone can cause the pain to lengthen as we don’t have a healthy outlet to let it all out. Or maybe you are someone who thinks you have healed but still carries a lot of pain wherever you go. For example, maybe you had a horrible breakup years ago. You think, “Well, I’m not crying over it anymore, so I must be over it and healed.” However, every time you think of your ex you feel anger, resentment, and maybe sadness. It’s very common in our society to just push the pain down and numb it instead of actually releasing it. Only when you stop feeling any painful emotion towards the person or situation and see the lessons that came from them, are you fully healed. There are many ways to start releasing the pain in a healthy way. But the first, and most crucial step is to acknowledge your pain. Accept that you have been hurt and heartbroken. Don't ignore your feelings. Only by accepting your emotions and pain can you start healing and moving forward. One way is to get more emotional support. Having a good support system is good for both our emotional and mental health. We all need someone to help us get through our harder times. A support system can come in a number of ways. It can be in the form of our family and relatives, our friends, acquaintances, and coworkers, or maybe a counselor. Finding at least one person that you can put your full trust in will help you heal. If for some reason an emotional support system isn’t available to you, try releasing the pain yourself. There are two popular ways of doing this. The first thing you could do is journal out all your emotions. The very act of putting all your pain, thoughts, and emotions onto paper seems to be extremely beneficial for one’s emotional health. Furthermore, once you have written everything out, you get a chance to observe your thoughts and feelings from another viewpoint. Once they are out of your head and on paper, they don’t have as much control over you. Another option is meditation and mindfulness. Be mindful of the thoughts you have related to love issues. If your thoughts keep you focusing on the past or feeling negative about the future, then try redirecting them to be positive. Meditation is a great daily routine to help yourself become more mindful of the way you think, especially when it comes to thoughts about love and of yourself.

3.) Love yourself


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No matter what has happened, no matter what you have done, you are lovable. Even if someone made you feel like you weren’t (or maybe they told you that you weren’t), you are still lovable. No matter how many breakups or divorces you have had, you deserve love and always will. We all deserve it. But it is going to be harder for someone to love you if you don’t love yourself first. The most important relationship you will ever have is not with your soulmate but with yourself. So if you are treating yourself badly, you will probably attract toxic people who don't respect or love you. So how do you start loving yourself more? First of all, as stated before, be mindful of your thoughts. Are you spending your time berating and criticizing yourself? Do you tell yourself that you are fat, ugly or stupid? Do you beat yourself up when you make mistakes? If so, you have some work to do. Start showing yourself compassion. You are wonderful just the way you are. And if you make any mistakes, just remember that you are human and are doing the best that you can. One of the best ways to show compassion towards yourself is to talk to yourself as if you were talking to a friend. Would you call your friend stupid, ugly or fat? Probably not (and if you would, maybe you need to work on your friendship skills). So why would you say those things to yourself? When you are mindful of what you tell yourself, you can start changing what you say. Start reminding yourself of your good qualities. Spend some time each day listing qualities that you like about yourself. Once you see those good qualities and embrace them, more people will see them too and the amount of love in your life will increase exponentially.

4.) Focus on the positives

Today's #dailyaffirmation

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It’s harder to attract love when you are unhappy and negative. Though you need to experience some of those feelings to start healing, it’s also important to begin focusing on the good things in your life. Start counting your blessings, recognize the people who love you, and start a gratitude journal. Making an effort to find the good in life will make it easier to let go of the past and look forward to the future. When you can enjoy the present and see how wonderful your life is, you won’t need to attach yourself to the past. Your happy demeanor will only bring even more blessings into your life, and one of those blessings could be love. People are more attracted to those who are positive and optimistic, so even if you are heartbroken, try seeing some of the positives in your life, and you will heal at an exponential rate.

5.) Know that love is out there for you

This goes along with being positive, but it is really important to know that there is always love in the world, and you can access it. There will always be someone out there that you can love and who will love you back. No one can take that possibility away from you. This can be a hard truth to see when we have been hurt or have had a bad relationship (especially if we ever dated someone who was toxic). But it is important to remind yourself that just because someone treated you badly, does not mean that everyone will. One person’s abuse does not mean that you will never find love or deserve it. It’s just that someone decided they were not going to treat you with the respect and love that you deserve. Toxic people usually exhibit certain behaviors because they don’t feel loved or worthy. It does not mean that you cannot experience love. To make this easier think about where you are at now. Think about everyone in your life, which includes your family, friends, pets, etc. Think of all those people that love you right now, despite where you are at or what you have done. Now, is it really so hard to think that there are other people out who could love you? You have been loved before and you will be loved again. Just because you haven’t met your soulmate just yet, doesn’t mean that it will never happen. Just because you have been hurt doesn’t mean you will never know the bliss of a truly loving relationship. Know that the love you seek is out there, and you will be more open to it when it arrives. Know that it exists and you will send a signal out showing your readiness for love.

6.) Keep the lessons

Many of the points of this article talk about what you need to let go of, but there is something that you can gain from your heartbreaking experiences. Lessons and wisdom. Within the heartbreak, there is a lesson that can be learned. Maybe there is some character flaw that you need to work on. Maybe this situation is showing you that you keep attaching yourself to toxic people. Maybe you just need to learn to enjoy being by yourself for a while. Whatever the case, your pain can be your greatest teacher. Calm your mind and look at your situation and past objectively. Ask yourself, “Is there anything I can learn from this?” Focusing on finding the lessons gives you back your personal power and prevents you from thinking of yourself as a victim of heartache.

7.) Let go of any attachments

When we are with someone for a significant amount of time, we begin to get attached to them. Our lives intertwine into one. This is why breakups can feel so devastating. For so long, you believed that you were one with this other person, and all of the sudden, you are separate again. Some people tend to show needy tendencies and over-attachments during a breakup phase. This can be very problematic, especially if the relationship was toxic. They no longer know how to exist on their own and live their own life. It’s very important to cut off these attachments after the breakup. Continuously texting them, stalking their Facebook, or trying to hang out with them can lengthen the pain and prevent you from finding better love. Let go of this person. They ended the relationship for a reason. Let them live their life while you live yours. Cut off all contact and purge the things that remind you of them. It’s time to be you again. You don’t have to be attached to someone to feel whole.

8.) Focus on love

That being said, it is ok to still love the person. If the relationship wasn’t toxic, then it is quite natural to still love your ex for some time. But it is still important to keep the other steps in mind (like accepting what the past) and continue to move forward with your life. One of the greatest ways to heal and discover love again is by giving out love. If you are in a lot of pain, this may seem like a huge task, but focusing on loving others has been known to be profoundly healing. Spend more time with your friends and family, volunteer, help others when you see an opportunity. You will attract more love when you give out love. Like attracts like. And you will feel happier and lighter for helping others out. You may even meet the love of your life while giving out your love to others.

9.) Redefine yourself

One of the great ways to move forward is to discover who you are and define yourself the way you want to. Don’t define yourself based on your relationship status. Think back to when you were single. How did you want to be seen to the world? What topics were you passionate about? What were your hobbies? What were your dreams? Now, these things may not be the same as they used to be but think of these questions in the present tense. How would you like to live your life now? Are there activities and hobbies you would like to pursue? Any dreams for the future that you would like to work on? Focusing on fulfilling your dreams and desires is a great way to let go and move forward. You will learn to enjoy life and be happy again and doing it all while single. Not only will this encourage self-esteem and a better foundation for happiness, but maybe you will even meet a new love who shares those same dreams as you.

10.) Take your time

The ultimate form of self-love is giving yourself time. Everyone heals at their own pace. Some let go of their pain in days, while some choose to take years. If you are still hurting but have tried all the healing techniques that you can, then just be patient. You will heal. Time heals all wounds. It’s just important that you are trying. As long as you try, the healing will come. When healing, consider the experiences that you have held on to, the amount of pain that is within you and the situation that is causing the pain. A person who is divorcing their spouse of twenty years may take more time to heal than a girl was dumped by her boyfriend of three months. Every person and every situation needs a different amount of time to heal. Don’t let anyone or anything pressure you into trying to heal faster. Go at the pace that feels right. One day you will wake up healed, happy, and ready for love.


Sometimes life throws us curveballs and we lose the people we love most. We may be tempted to hold onto the past and try to make amends, but we must learn to let go if we want to find the love we deserve. To let go of someone does not mean that you will lose the love or the happy memories. It only means that you no longer want to hold on to the pain and wish to heal and move forward. We all deserve the best love we can find, but sometimes it can’t come into our lives because we have too much baggage. You must realize that in order to find true and lasting love, you must let go of this baggage. When following some of these steps, you will release the pain, find peace, and more importantly be open to the love that you really deserve.