How To Get Relationship Closure And Heal Your Hurting Heart

It seems like just yesterday, you and your guy were happy. He'd love on you in ways you've never experienced and he made you smile so hard your face would hurt. He massaged your daily pains away and he was the go-to when it came to venting your work related issues. Your guy listened as you complained about your BFF, in fact, your guy was your bestie, your lover, and most importantly whom you thought you'd spend your future with. Though you'd never imagine your guy becoming an ex, you knew the future was not written in stone. But how does this happen to your relationship? How does it happen to any relationship? A relationship that was filled with openness, a relationship filled with meaning and purpose. How do two perfect people who seem to have been born to be together end up in a break up? How does the love of your life end up your ex? How does your conversations go from expressing how much you two love each other to finding ways to come to relationship closure? You find yourself at a loss and you may wonder, was it a fight that led to this? Was it something you said? But it doesn't really matter now because you've come to realize that the relationship is really over. There are no conversations that can be shared to change the fact that your guy is officially an ex. There's no way to deny that the break up is real and the pain bursting through your chest won't end until you find closure from this relationship. No matter how much you sit and contemplate the relationship, your break up with your guy is real and now the next step is to find meaning that will lead you to closure.

Before you burn every picture, every memorabilia, every proof of the time that you shared with your guy before the break up, just remember, your relationship had meaning. One of the most important things that you will come to find is that not all relationships are the same. There are those relationships that lead to friendships with deep meaning and there are those relationships that lead to business partnerships. There are also those relationships that need closure. In those relationships you will find that the pain was so deep that the only way to find meaning in the relationship is to first find closure. It is up to you to come to the conclusion as to what type of relationship you shared with your ex. During the relationship, the amount of depth that was shared emotionally, physically, and mentally, will help you to understand the type of relationship you shared with your ex. The types of conversations you two shared will help you reach closure in a more rapid manner. But most importantly, understanding the type of relationship you shared with your ex will help with any future relationship you two may share. Remember, not all emotions last forever (you might hate your ex today, but become his dear friend in the near future). So be careful of the conversations you share with him after the break up, and keep those good feelings you had about him while you two were in the relationship. As always, there is deep meaning to the people who come into our lives and the experiences you share with them.

You've probably gone through all the emotions that an initial break up put you through. You've probably listened to all the 'sad love songs' that were ever written and you've probably torn all of the pictures of your ex. You've probably made lists of how much of a horrible person your ex really was (even though you know it's not true) and you've probably denied every loving your guy. You've probably denied ever taking the relationship seriously and you may even have written him off already. You've probably sent him wicked texts, left disgusting voice mails, or even blocked him from social media. But what you will come to understand is that all of this is natural for the acceptance process that your relationship has come to an end. As long as these behaviors don't become prolonged, you should be able to gently get over your ex and move on with your life. As long as you understand that your break up with your ex was necessary because you two grew apart, you should be able to find closure quickly.

But if more time is needed to accept that the relationship is over, try these steps: 1. After a long week of work, come home and prepare yourself for a weekend of 'You.' 2. Make sure you have a bottle of white or red wine available. 3. Close your blinds. 4. Prepare a warm bath with bath salt, roses, and aroma oils. 5. Get some of your favorite candles, and light them throughout the bathroom. 6. Find your favorite silk robe and lay it out in the bathroom for later use. 7. Remove your makeup, clothes, and tie your hair into a bun. 8. Pour yourself a glass of wine in your favorite glass. 9. Slowly get into your prepared bath, lay back, and relax. 10. If you prefer, play some soft music (nothing with lyrics, just acoustic music). 11. Relax, relax, relax. 12. As thoughts pop up in your mind, just continue practicing the relaxation techniques. 13. Try your hardest to keep your mind clear. 14. Now think about the 'You' before your guy entered your life. 15. Let that 'You' come through and reunite with your current state. 16. Give yourself some time (if necessary, pour another glass of wine). 17. As the water cools down if you need add more warm water (or get out). 18. Dry yourself off, get into your robe, go into your living room. 19. Order your favorite dish (Uber Eats will deliver). 20. Put on 'Sex and the City,' enjoy your meal, and maybe another glass of wine. 21. By the end of the night, you should feel better and begin to understand whom you are and the reason for this process.

OK, so you've tried the 'Night of You' regime, and you realize you still need more time to reach relationship closure. Here is a fun tip that will get you moving, laughing, and feeling your best: 1. Another weekend of 'You.' 2. After a long week of work, come home, grab your bike (or workout clothes). 3. Go for a bike ride (or simply a run) for 1 hour. 4. When you get back do 20 minutes of abs, chest, and butt workouts. 5. Your adrenaline is pumping now. 6. Grab your phone and Bluetooth speakers and pump some "Black Eyed Peas". 7. As the music gets you going, hop in the shower and wash your hair. 8. Dry up, add some essential oils to your hair, and blow dry. 9. Put on your most comfortable dress shirt, grab your slippers. 10. Now you have two choices: Option 1: Head to the living room and make it a Netflix night. Option 2: Do your hair, put on your makeup, call up your girls (or not), and go to the closest night club. This option is only available to you if you will go to the night club to dance, dance, dance. There will be no drinking this night. The whole point of this exercise is to get your body pumping. You needed an additional event to get to closure and nothing brings you one step closer to closure then music, dance, and you (looking beautiful as ever).

OK, so you've gone through all the emotions necessary for dealing with the initial break up experience. You've gone through the spells that you've had to break from having to separate from your ex. But now, you've come to find that closure of the relationship is most necessary for reaching your true state of happiness. Relationship closure is necessary as you see it to fully accept that this special person was a part of your life and the experience has ended. Now relationship closure only comes because you've done the hard work. If not for those nights of crying spells, those days spent trash talking your ex with your BFFs, those days your mom brought you soup as if you'd been suffering from the flu. Well, thank goodness, those days are over. You've accepted that the relationship and the break up has occurred and are now ready to face closure. Let's get to closure so that you can learn to love again.

Know that healing only comes after closure has been experienced. Healing is the process of allowing yourself to move past the emotional connections that was held with the relationship. Healing is something that will happen naturally and will further your closure process. Healing can be done via the use of gem stones, meditation, or yoga. Healing will lead to your closure process and will be the initial process to finding closure.

The best way to find closure was to first acknowledge the end of the relationship, which you've done. The second step is the conversation with your ex that is necessary to move on. This conversation leads to the closure of the emotions that you shared with your guy. This conversation leads you to appreciate your ex and make the process of closure easier. Keep in mind that finding closure does not happen until you have gone through your own personal process of letting go. Until you decide it's time to let go of your break up and your ex, you will not be able find closure. But on the bright side, finding closure will open up that space in your heart to find Mr. Right. But either way, regardless if Mr. Right is your next step at life or simply learning to enjoy being single; finding closure heals your heart. Finding closure helps strengthen that relationship you have with yourself. And most importantly finding closure helps you not to become a 'Bitter Betty.' No one likes a 'Bitter Betty' and trust, you don't want to become a 'Bitter Betty.'

So now that you've decided it's time to find closure, let's get to it:

1. Write Your Future Self a Letter: This letter will be centered around whom you become in relationships. This is a conversation with yourself. This is a conversation that will help your future self understand the role you play in relationships. This letter will help you and your future guy. Be honest with yourself, give yourself facts about the direction you take in relationships, and most importantly, treat yourself to some insider information that you may (or may not) forget in the future. 2. Forgiveness: Forgive yourself for either knowing or not knowing the reason for the relationship break up. This forgiveness process allows you to acknowledge your pain, but also allows you to close that chapter. While forgiving yourself, take the time out to forgive your ex. After the many possibilities that could have come to fruition, the break up has led you and your ex to some tough times. So forgive him and love him for the human being that he is. Forgiveness leads to true healing and closure. 3. Hide Everything: Pick a friend (or your mother) and give them the memorabilia that you and your ex have acquired over the time shared with one another. Don't be drastic and throw these things away, but give them to someone whom you trust will keep them safe. You might want to retrieve these items in the near future. 4. Move: In many relationships we find ourselves participating in co-habitation with our guy. So, if he made the decision to move out, once the lease is up, move. Find yourself a new place that is filled with newness. Newness is important to build your self-esteem as a new single woman. Newness will help you recreate yourself and build this new life that you are encountering. 5. Don't Talk to Him: Give yourself one year prior to trying to having a conversation with your ex after the acceptance of your break up. Premature conversations may lead to improper actions that you will reject later. You don't want to have sex with your ex if you're not over the break up. You don't want to have conversations that you are not ready to have. In other words, let him go by not talking to him and you will heal sooner and faster.

6. No Social Media: Yes, in this world controlled by our social media egos, it may be hard to stay away from his page. Just know in order to let go, get closure, and find meaning in your new life, you must give it all up. Block him, block him, block him. You get it, just block him. No Facebook, no Instagram, no Snap-chat, nothing. Just close the book until your heart no longer skips beats when you see his picture. 7. One Last Cry: By now your emotions are either settled or making a U-turn. If you find yourself heading back to those moments of emotional hardship, go back to those "You" exercises and find your peace. This is only natural as your mind accepts the end of the relationship and processes the break up. Yes, this is natural to finding closure. 8. New Hobby: Yoga, meditation, or whatever you want. You can try painting, learning the piano, taking up dance. Do whatever you've always wanted to do and never got a chance to do. This break up is a chance for you to truly let go and find closure. 9. Lose Some Weight: Sounds wrong I known, but nothing gets back at an ex like running into a sexier, more confident you. Imagine being out with your girls in that little black dress that you've had in your closet for years. You slip it on after months of HIIT, and guess what, it fits like a glove. And while out with the girls, you run into your ex. His mouth will hit the floor and he will have the floor slippery with all the drool that will come pouring out of his mouth. So yes, lose some weight (or just build some muscles), you'll be happy you did. 10. Travel: A staycation could very well be what the doctor ordered. Now that you're fit, emotionally at peace, you deserve a vacation. So go out and enjoy a night with yourself. You could spend the night at a nice hotel or even make it a full event. Either way, enjoy some time with yourself.

Remember, you can only love a new person after you've healed from this break up, and you've returned to loving yourself. Once you've gone through the process of acceptance, learning the meaning of the break up, and finding closure; you will be able to love yourself again in order to love another. Your future guy will be honored to be a part of your life. For all this hard work will be worth it when you have seen how much you've grown. Your hard work will be rewarded with a new guy who will love you beyond measure.

Congratulations on your freedom from the break up. You've survived the break up and have acquired a new sense of gratitude for your ex. He gave you meaning to love and a chance to give love. You should be proud of yourself on the progress you've had.

Now that you've healed, found closure, and are ready to love again here is what you need to do. The first step to finding new love is to actually get out there and let it be known that you're on the market. Your second step is to go out on some dates. Either try networking with friends or social media platforms, you can be on a different date each weekend if you play your cards right. Lastly, know that no new man will replace the love you have for yourself. You always come first in any relationship and keeping that in mind will make your new relationship more joyous and pleasurable. Good luck!