Dirty Little Secret: Marriage Actually Sucks! Here's Why

Without unduly casting aspersions on an institution that has existed for decades and centuries, one has to admit this fact, however unpopular it might be, that marriage actually sucks. It gives less than it actually promises and many couples who have bought into its promises are longing and yearning to get out. You may not appreciate this until you get in there and you're done! The frenzy and buzzes that marriage promises last only during the honeymoon period and as soon as the curtain is unveiled, there exist many things that'll make you regret ever agreeing to walk down the aisle in the first place. Of course, it is expected that some marriage greenhorns and proponents would come out and denounce the idea that marriage sucks but there are enough pieces of evidence as we shall soon roll out for anyone to make their inferences from. You don't have to be a feminist to see how a woman becomes just a few years after she starts wearing the ring. And if you, a man thinks marriage doesn't suck, get the statistics of the divorce rate of your country or province and you would have little reasons left to justify your stance. Maybe the institution is overrated, or perhaps most people aren't informed enough as to what to expect before exchanging the vows. Whichever one is the case, the few points discussed below affirm unequivocally that marriage sucks big time!

As soon as you get that ring on your finger, you have literally kissed your privacy bye. On the surface, this may appear as no issue to worry about but the moment you feel how it feels, you get to hate yourself for it. As a married man, you have to explain every extra minute you spend outside or you are prepared to face some endless naggings. And if for whatever reason your phone now has a password, you are sure you have an explanation to give which you would hope and pray she understands. Apart from that, marriage for you a man means all your plans have to be laid bare before her or you're accused of not loving her enough if not at all. She must know who you are speaking with on the phone and what the content of your discussion is or the house becomes a sort of oven for the two of you. And for you the woman, you know that you have no privacy any longer once you say "I do" except you have found another husband elsewhere. He needs to be regularly updated as to how your day went; who your friends are; what your plans are, and why you aren't smiling today. It's even a bit delicate for you as a woman because of the society's expectation of submission from you. You are quickly labeled proud, arrogant, and unruly if you choose to keep anything to yourself. As it goes, you may even have to say the things you haven't thought of so as to prove to your man that you're keeping nothing from him. Stated differently, marriage removes any boundary you as a lady might have been keeping until now. And no matter how much you hate your personal boundary being crossed, you cannot even prove such before your friends let alone in the law court. He supposedly "owns" you and has access to any and everything about you anytime, any day. This is one thing that can never happen if you are in an unmarried relationship with someone. You get almost all the benefits marriage offers while avoiding certain downsides of it like saying bye to your privacy. Each one in that relationship knows that there is no feeling of a legal sense of ownership or entitlement anywhere as it is in marriage.

If you think having the rings on would increase the frequency of sex, you've got to be kidding. In fact, it is when you are married that you seem to not be having enough of sex. Marriage has its way of making both partners have a wrong expectation of sex such that when they are in the union, each ends up being disappointed. Couples often assure themselves that if before marriage they can be having sex for four times a week, then marriage which gives them a sense of entitlement to each other should increase the tally to 5 or 6. How wrong they are! For you the woman, you had better be prepared to meet the sexual demands of a man who feels entitled to you every day and at almost any time. It can sound as a no issue now that you are unmarried but by the time you start combining the role of a mother with that of a wife, unknown to yourself, you may start loving the act less. That aside, one "injustice" the marriage does to you as a woman is that it alters your shape and size. No matter how slim you are now, be prepared to add some few pounds to your weight after marriage. You just can't remain the same. Also, your body becomes stretched as you carry a living human inside you for 9 months for as many times as you wish to do so. And though this is supposed to be a blessing in itself, don't be surprised your husband may hate you for it. He'll tell you he married a cute, slim woman and not a heavy weight that you have become. As such, the sex that used to be let's say 4 times a week before marriage may now be 4 times a month. So, what you thought you would have enough of in marriage now turns to be a scarce commodity. And to avoid this, you'd have to embark on an endless sort of exercise because you want to keep being found attractive by a man. Doesn't that in itself sucks? For you, the man, just be prepared to receive the very thing you are longing to get into (marriage) as the excuse for your incessant refusal by your wife. Guess you never knew marriage itself is an excuse for women to refuse their husbands? Yes, it is. Be ready to hear endless stories of how tired she has become because she's been taking care of the kids and trying to fix things around the house. The sex that you once had together as a free expression of love now turns to a duty she's now struggling to perform. It's obvious she now hates the act and sees you as too demanding. She reminds you that it isn't food and you should give her some space. Of course, you never thought things could turn out to be this way but isn't that why we say marriage sucks? Come to think of it, with all the excuses that she's been giving to deny you of your right, you dare not go outside to please yourself with another woman. No, in marriage, you're labeled as having an affair. The society looks down at you as a traitor and even your wife who contributed to your having an affair would now be threatening with a divorce. All these things never happen outside marriage. You can take your leave and seek happiness elsewhere if one partner seems to be fed up.

In most cases, as a married person, you would have to choose between your career and marriage. Have you sat yourself down to ask why many celebrities divorce here and there? Do you think they had it in mind while getting married to divorce? Chances are that they didn't. As it goes, it turns out to be that marriage which was meant to "complete" them now becomes as it were, a snare unto them. The man or woman in their lives now becomes a reason they cannot pursue their career to the utmost of their wish. They can't mingle freely with the opposite sex as their career may warrant because of a jealous partner at home who would never understand that it was just a professional thing. Corroborating this, a researcher by the name Satoshi Kanazawa at the University of Canterbury, New Zealand has published his findings of how some world-renowned scientists fared before and after marriage. In his submission, Kanazawa states that while most unmarried scientists continue to make exploits in their career and research, their colleagues who got married recorded a lower output. You think that doesn't suck? It does really. It is particularly more difficult for a woman in marriage to continue with her career than it is for a man. As a married woman, your affection, desire, and commitment belong first to your husband and then to the kids. You can't stay a minute late at work and expect everything to still be okay at home. Your kids and husband are never going to love you that way. Except you have decided not to have a child of your own, you hardly can combine childbirth and rear with work without one not suffering at least a bit. Employers themselves understand this and as such, are not as willing to employ or promote most women to sensitive positions as they would easily do for men. Isn't that unfair? You even get paid less than your male counterparts for the same qualification and experience in some cases.

You hardly have any reason to argue with a boy/girlfriend over money issues because you don't feel legally entitled to their money in the first place. Anything you get from them is at best a gift and everyone feels happy about it. However, in marriage, it's never like that. First, where you and your partner operate a joint account, you are already in for some sort of troubles. There'll be suspicion here and there. You cannot even spend your own money the way you like again; it is termed by someone as a wasteful spending. They ask you questions over questions on what you need your money for. If you don't have a joint account that you operate, you are not free from the argument over who foot one bill or the other. Of course, some roles seem to have been socially assigned to each gender but arguments over how effective those roles are being played will surely ensue here and there. You'll constantly be confronted by a spouse who feels you are not fully declaring your asset or that you are trying to play smart by giving less than required. So, if you hate controversy over finances, marriage may be something you have to steer clear of.

If you hate being home alone with a spouse during your free time, then you should think twice about marriage. Whether you are a man or woman does not matter here; marriage makes you obligated to your family above and over other commitments anywhere else. You can't just leave home and hang out with some friends at the expense of your family. It is impossible to do so and still hope to have an un-shattered home. Your movement is kind of restricted and most time, you would have to be at home with your spouse. If you must go out, that has to carry the consent of your spouse; he or she has to give a go-ahead before you can leave home. It gets to a time when they remind you that your going out is becoming too much and that they aren't having enough of your presence at home. Where that happens, what do you do than to stay at home and become caged as it were? Men even seem to have enough time to catch fun outside their homes than do women. Even if you as a woman has a husband that allows you to go out for as many times as you wish, the reality is that your duties at home would make it next to impossible for you to do that. You rarely have enough time to take care of yourself let alone checking out on your friends. This is what you don't get when you are not yet married. You can leave for anywhere at any time and return home when you think it's convenient for you. No one would question you over that. The best you can do is to explain why you were away for some periods for your boyfriend/girlfriend and they'll hardly hate you for doing so. However, it's never that way in marriage and that is one thing that sucks in this union.

If your boy/girlfriend offends you, you can pretty much avoid them until you come over it or they come pleading. With marriage, that is not usually the case. You just have to face the issue headlong no matter how seriously you wish to avoid it. Marriage gives you no option to take a break from your partner as you can easily do with someone you are just in an open relationship with; it requires that whether you like or hate what your partner is doing to you at a point in time, you just have to put up with them. Well, you might say you would go on a journey or vacation to take a leave of a troublesome spouse but you are only postponing your woes until a later time. When you come back, whatever issue you have left unattended to before traveling, you would still have to face each one of them. So, there is hardly any way of avoiding or ignoring anything. You never know this sucks until you find yourself in the situation. As in, someone is seriously pissing you off and you've got no option but to keep staying with that person and perhaps sleeping together on the same bed? It's something that puts the whole of your patience to the severest test and if you hate this kind of situation, in all honesty, marriage is not for you.

Whichever way one wishes to view it, even without being a feminist, marriage seems to favor men than women. Granted, that may not be the ideal of the institution but as it is today, men are largely getting the better of the arrangement than do women. So, as a woman, you need to know what you are really entering into when you say "I do" to the man. Marriage is a subtle and technical way in which you lose your freedom and power to reason independently to someone else as a woman. It is also a means by which you voluntarily howbeit legally make yourself a man's slave or servant. You ask how that is so? Well, let's start from the domestic chores you have to do every now and then. You and your husband go to work and you both come back at almost the same time. While he goes to rest, you are thinking of how to fix the meals and house. It's true that some husbands now lend some helping hands, but how inclusive is this "helping hand"? Do they get into those details that society has tagged abomination for them to do? Chances are that they don't. That aside, your husband becomes one of your children you have to keep an eye upon to be sure he dresses well and does things that are socially acceptable the failure of which you'll be ready to receive the blame. You typically get married to a man who believes everything (himself inclusive) has to be fixed by the woman. We earlier talked about not having enough time outside your home for recreation, but a man is less affected by this as you are. Usually, he can get excitement by hanging out with friends in the name of business meetings; an idea you dare not raise as a wife. Again, no matter how good and lofty your ideas may be, if your husband objects strongly to them, you can hardly succeed in carrying them out. It is assumed that he is your lord and you are to submit to his leadership and wishes. Go against his will and you are in for it. So, what sucks more than a union that takes away your right to be free? And you know what? You never have to support your husband's decisions before he goes ahead with them. Being your lord that he is, it is not expected of him to be tied down by your refusal to consent to his plans. Once he makes up his mind, you just have to dance to his tune.

Now, let's say you have found yourself in a marriage that you feel you shouldn't be in, it becomes another issue getting out of it again. With marriage, there is an easy entry but the exit is rarely easy. It takes an average of 2 years for a divorce case to be finalized and the two years can look like an eternity not just because of the length of time but also because of the money and psychological trauma that go with it. It's like getting into a bathroom to have your bath and on sighting something scary you plan to dash out only to discover that the door has been shut against you from the outside and the person with the key can only arrive in 2 hour’s time. How interesting is that kind of scenario? Sure, you'll agree it's not funny at all. That's the way getting out of a marriage is. The entire process sucks and makes the institution looks more like a prison to which a person has been sentenced. It's never easy to get out. And who doesn't make mistake? Perhaps no one! Do we then get stuck in our mistakes and refuse to move forward? Certainly, we shouldn't. However, marriage encourages togetherness even where there is an obvious error on the part of a partner; if not, divorce should also be as easy as marriage is.

The ceremony that often precedes marriage between a man and a woman is perhaps one of the most overrated events in the world. It is supposed to be your happiest day on earth but guess what? You are likely to come down with illness on that day due to planning for one thing or the other. And even if you hand over the entire planning to an expert, the anxiety that naturally comes with the day can throw you off balance. Somehow, even your spouse expects you to be different that day as if there is something about the day that would change your look. You only live to discover that the hours in that day are no different from those in the previous ones or after. If you allow the pressure to conform to make you go beyond your limit, the day would pass and you'd be there bearing the brunt alone. What sucks about the wedding day is that it doesn't guarantee a happy marriage. The hype around it as a happy day in your life isn't enough a reason you should consider marriage. It soon dawns on you that happiness is not guaranteed by a laborious ceremony or party. If you like ceremonies, you can organize a big party and invite your friends to it. And if you're so bent on witnessing a wedding ceremony, why not just attend those of your friends instead of going for marriage because of the wedding day?

One of the common arguments for marriage is that it affords couples a safe environment for procreation. It's almost like saying that if a person gives birth outside marriage, the child cannot do well in life. Alas! That has turned out to be untrue. We do know that many married couples today are still struggling to have a child of their own. If marriage is as rosy as it appears to be, no couple should bother about infertility as we see today. It means, therefore, that if you go into marriage because you think it would guarantee your children and a 'warm' environment to raise them, you are in for a disappointment should things go the other way. It brings to question the necessity of a thing that cannot guarantee one of its major essences of existence.

There is a misguided notion that seems to be making the rounds in most cultures of the world and it is the notion that marriage makes participants become responsible. Even in places of work, if you are yet to be married, no one sees you as being responsible yet. Maybe one doesn't have to sweat much on this. The numerous cases of irresponsible married men and women are sufficient to disprove the thought that marriage makes a person responsible. At best, what marriage does is to bring out the reality of your professed character. Marriage doesn't make you become responsible. Without marriage, you can become responsible by simply treating everyone with respect and staying true to your words. If you get married thinking that you would just automatically become responsible as the world makes it look, you really haven't gotten the right gist. Marriage only confirms who you are and rarely turns you into who you ought to be.

The proponents of marriage would often make people believe that not being married is perhaps a sign that you are not desired, desirable, or marriageable. This is baseless. Quite a number of well-to-do individuals are unmarried. In fact, rather than seeing singleness as a curse or weakness, it should be seen as a strength. Only those who are at peace with themselves can stay single and not be moved. And the fact that you are this way confirms that you aren't defective in any way. Marriage brings a lot of challenges that could have been avoided if singleness is cherished. In fact, considering the pain and suffering many have brought over themselves under the umbrella of marriage, it wouldn't be out of place to tag marriage a curse for them. It is true that marriage affords companionship but doesn't companionship exist outside of marriage too? You don't have to bind yourself with an oath to find companionship, do you?

There are no hard and fast rules for a human relationship especially as it regards to marriage. The ideal thing is for each person to clearly identify who they are first and then what works best for them. You might be able to cope well with all of the issues raised in this piece as the reason marriage sucks; if that's the case, you need not delay. Opt for marriage as soon as you are ready. You shouldn't have a problem making a headway there. However, if before now you have always had an erroneous view of marriage as a haven of joy and no sadness, now you have been told the truth; marriage actually sucks. Consider being single instead. It is good. You have all of the time for yourself and you can better decide which direction you want to face without usual family emotions that tie one down.

Marriage has its advantages and no one is contending that but as the advantages exist, so also the disadvantages do too. Among other things in this piece, we have been able to show some of the reasons marriage sucks. Marriage has been in existence for quite a while and it is understandable if not everybody would welcome the idea that it sucks. But one great way to address an issue is to admit the obvious lapses where they exist. Marriage can be sweet where the participating partners are of the same mind and are willing to mutually submit to each other as opposed to the male-dominated, suppressive relationship as we have it today. Similarly, if marriage is viewed as an institution where the participating partners would surrender their individual ego and pick up a duty and role that would advance the course of the family, there wouldn't be any problem. However, we do know that these set of ideas and ideals aren't what we normally witness in marriage. Marriage has become so bastardized that men and women now have various expectations and definitions of what it should be like. That is why the rate of divorce is almost at tally with the rate of marriage nowadays. Marriage is fast losing its essence not because something is wrong with the setup per se but because those who are opting for it haven't studied as it were its terms and conditions. Marriage sucks actually and unless you are ready for some of its "heartaches," you shouldn't go into it. You are not being abnormal if you choose to remain single so long as that would give you joy and a sense of fulfillment.