The Idea of Him or Actually Him?
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Most of us women can’t afford being lonely. We just always want somebody with us to talk to, right? We love other people’s company. So sometimes, in dating, we go out with men even though we are unsure of our relationship’s label with them. That’s not entirely bad but if you’re going out with a specific guy, there must be something, right?
No? Then why do you go out on a date with him? Why do you always chat with him? Why do other people get the impression that you two are being intimate? Do you think you just like the idea of him but not actually him?
But how can you tell if you only like the idea of him being there? Think about this—he’s a decent man so you want to keep him around while you actually look for your Mr. Right; you’d rather answer “I’m kind of going out with someone” than “I am single” when you’re asked about your love life; you’d have someone to go with you when your friends decide to bring their partners in a get together, and the likes. Yes, that’s what it means when you only like the idea of him—you’ll always be ready to lose him when the time comes.
However, there will be times where you’re still unsure because as you spend time with him, it’s not impossible that your feelings for him will develop. So, here are 10 signs and questions that you might want to quiz yourself with to confirm if you’re starting to like him or you just like the idea of him.
1. How Often Do You Think About Him?
It’s normal to think of specific people every now and then including him. But his space in your heart determines how often he runs in your mind. When you see something you want to talk about, is he the first person you’d want to share it with? When you feel like doing something crazy, do you want to do it with him?
If that’s the case, he’s surely more than a friend to you. You wouldn’t give your attention that much to someone you don’t really like, don’t you think? If he’s always on your mind, it’s time to consider giving your relationship a chance to take it to the next level. However, if it's the opposite, then you don't need to be confused anymore because it's obvious that you're not really into him.
2. You Don't Like Him When You're Too Comfortable
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Admit it, when you really like someone, you’ll uncontrollably sweat, feel nervous, or stutter while talking to him. You always have that feeling that you have to impress him.
However, if you’re feeling too comfortable around him—wearing the plainest shirt you have, you can talk to him without brushing your teeth in the morning, you’re okay with facing him without make up at all—it’s a sure sign that you’re not trying to gain his romantic attention. You like the idea of him being around but you’re not willing to take whatever you have with him to the next level.
3. Do You Like The Idea of Talking About Him?
If you love a guy, any mention of his name probably feels like you’re talking about the most important thing in the world. You’d talk nonstop and finding out things about him is like always a new knowledge gained, right?
So notice how you react when friends mention him to you especially when it’s about your relationship. Do you only shrug and feel too lazy to explain? If so, it’s an obvious sign that you don’t really care about his attention, and you enjoy only his companionship but you feel weird when thinking about your intimacy.
4. You Don't Tell Your Friends About Him
Ladies, admit it, some of us think that getting into a relationship is a competition among best friends. When you met someone you like, you’ll immediately text your girlfriends about him. You’ll probably even say “he’s the one!” but when you feel the opposite and you avoid mentioning anything about him even to your closest friends, it means you just don’t like him and you don’t want anything to develop between the two of you.
5. You Don't Care About What Will Happen
Because we give our attention and spend a lot of time with them, it’s not impossible that the relationship gradually develops overtime. If you feel like you’re starting to really like him, you’d care about the results and you’d try a little bit to have it end up in a good way. But if you only shrug about the idea of your relationship with him having to flop or the idea of losing him in the future, then you just don’t like him at all.
You have to really think about your feelings through in this certain situation, because there are people who only confirm their feelings after losing the person; or perhaps you may not care about losing the chance to have a romantic relationship with him but you may find yourself hurting at the thought of losing even his friendship and you'll end up lonely.
6. You Don't Care About the Red Flags
When you feel like you’re starting to fall in love with a guy, you would notice everything he does and he says and you’ll get sensitive even to the simplest gestures. You’d remember when he takes you for granted, you’d remember when he tries to flirt with another woman, you’d remember when he doesn’t laugh at your jokes, etc. Every little wrong thing he does, it’ll stick into your mind. And that’s completely normal if you’re that into someone.
However, if you don’t see any red flags on him; or if there are but you just don’t really care, then there is no need to quiz yourself about whether you like him or not because it’s sure it’s the latter.
7. People Outside the Relationship Just Don't Feel It
After being single and a bit lonely for some time, your friends will immediately support you as soon as they see you dating a guy. They’ll probably tell you nonstop to not lose him anymore. But if they feel surprised or they’re raising their eyebrows instead of being happy for you, then surely, there is something off between you and the guy.
Sometimes, it’s the people outside the relationship who can see first what’s going on. So if your friends are not feeling it, the more you don’t. There is no need to quiz your emotions because you just like the idea of him but not actually him.
8. You Don't Get Excited With His Messages
If we’re crushing on someone, the best thing we could probably ever receive is their text messages. Hey, don’t think it’s ridiculous, you know you’ve felt that once. When someone is really special to us, even a simple “good morning” or “hey” from him brings us total excitement and happiness. But if your only reaction to his messages and chats is to shrug, it’s a sure sign that you’re not into him and you’d rather wait a little longer and be lonely than the idea of having a relationship with him.
9. You Are Not Willing to Make Physical Contact
You don’t need to quiz yourself if this one specific sign is obviously present. There is no better thing to tell if you really like him than having imaginations of intimate physical contacts with him.
Do you sometimes imagine yourself kissing him? Do you vision yourself cuddling with him or making out? Or do you see yourself actually doing romance in bed with him? If so and you find yourself getting turned on, then you just don't like the idea of him, you actually like him! No one would want to get intimate with someone they don’t like, right?
10. You Still Have Dating Apps On Your Phone
Nowadays, it’s so easy to find someone you can date with because of the many dating apps we can download on the internet like Tinder, Grindr, and Bumble! And don’t deny it, you’ve probably tried them once.
If you’re already falling for someone, surely there is no need to use these dating apps, right? As soon as you find yourself dedicated to him, you’ll be deleting these apps in a heartbeat. However, if you feel the need to use it every now and then, it’s because there’s something lacking in your feelings for him. Maybe you just like the idea of him being around but not the actual thought of dating him romantically.
Are these signs present? If so, there's a bigger chance that you don't really like him and you're just comfortable with his companionship. However, if after reading this, you're still questioning your feelings for him, then probably you really like him in a romantic way but you're just denying it for whatever reasons you have—maybe you're still hurting from your past relationships, you're not ready to date yet, etc. because think about this, you won't have to ask if you like him if you really don't, don't you think?
The best way to find out is gradually give your relationship a chance. So what if you don't end up together? At least you found out the answer!