Coping With Relationship Anxiety And Ways To Fix It

In order for us to be able to understand what relationship anxiety is, it is important to start by defining what anxiety really is. Anxiety is defined as a feeling of angst and uneasiness that is characterized by things such as feelings of stress and sweating. Anxiety is a mental health issue that affects a lot of people globally. So what then, is relationship anxiety?

Relationship anxiety is a fear of relationships. For people with this commitment phobia, relationships are a real struggle and they find it hard to stay in them for long-term even if they want to.

While its normal for you to have some fears when either getting into relationships or dating, people with relationship anxiety have excessive fears and their mind is always filled with “what ifs” and “buts” to the point where they feel it’s better to be alone.

What causes relationship anxiety? Relationship anxiety, just like the other types of anxiety has underlying causes and some of them are as follows:

• Traumatic past relationship experiences. Those who harbor hurtful past memories of failed relationships can easily develop relationship anxiety as a defense mechanism so as to avoid going through such experiences again.  

• Childhood abuse or trauma. Persons who were abused as children or went through traumatic experiences are also more likely to develop relationship anxiety compared to other people.

People suffering from relationship anxiety experience the following symptoms:

You fear opening up about your situation as you don’t know how people will react. What if they walk away after they know about my situation? What will they think about me? These are just examples of some of the questions at the back of the mind of persons with relationship anxiety.

Since you are always wondering if that special person cares about you for real, you subconsciously keep on trying to test them. One way of doing this is by giving them a really hard time by being your worst so as to see if they will leave you. When they finally leave, you believe it is because they didn’t love you to begin with while your behavior was the real reason they left.

You fear intimacy with your partner since you are emotionally vulnerable. This is where you avoid being close to your partner. This leads to breaking up as your partner feel as if you don’t love them back or as if you don’t care which is far from the truth.

Too much of anything is bad. A little jealousy in a relationship is normally cute and adorable but having extreme jealousy is a real turn off. You will always be preoccupied with thoughts of your partner cheating on you even when your partner has not given you a reason to doubt him/her. This behavior pushes everyone you try to get close to away.

If you have past experiences of betrayal, you will definitely have a hard time trusting people again but people with relationship anxiety take this too far.

You are always angry and sad and it leads to you being emotionally unstable. Your moods change frequently for no apparent reason and you have a hard time calming down when that happens. It is impossible for you to maintain a relationship with this kind of behavior.

This is where you become overly dependent on your partner to the point where you start interfering with the daily life of your partner, for example, interrupting constantly them even while at work.

This is understandable as you are constantly worried about everything going on in your life. Lack of sleep causes other issues such as mood swings which negatively affect your relationship with those close to you.

You are constantly worried that you might not be good enough for the person who cares about you. You even question what your partner sees in you or thinks about you! This constant worrying and doubts about yourself cause all your relationships to sink.

Since your mind is constantly filled with negative emotions and thoughts, you get anxiety attacks where you start experiencing symptoms such as an accelerated heart rate, sweating, pounding heart, and shaking, among many others.

It is very important for you to know how to overcome relationship anxiety even if you are not suffering from it. A lot of people globally suffer from relationship anxiety which means that chances of you seeing a person with such a disorder are pretty high. Having a firm understanding of what relationship disorder is, and knowing how it affects a person’s behavior and how it impacts emotions is very essential. This information will enable you to know what to do if you ever find yourself in a relationship with a person suffering from relationship anxiety.
 

If your relationship anxiety is too severe to the point where you can no longer even consider dating the best option for you would be seeking psychotherapy. This is where you will learn various ways of dealing with your issues constructively with the help of a professional who will guide you through the entire process, allowing you to heal. This is option works extremely well as you are guided through the cognitive distortions that you are always telling yourself and this helps you to see things from an entirely different angle.

If your relationship anxiety is not that severe, you can use self-help books which will guide you on how to turn things around one step at a time or even seek the support of online support groups which deal with relationship issues. If your commitment issues are not severe and the above option does not work for you, you can try dealing with the situation yourself by starting to go against your negative anxiety thoughts.

Over the time you will be able to develop the ability to point out when your mind is just messing with you. The following are some of the things which can help you maintain a relationship:

Sharing is very important in every relationship and letting your partner know some of the strategies of dealing with your commitment issues will strengthen your bond and improve your chances of overcoming the disorder.

A relationship cannot succeed without honesty. This is why telling your partner the truth about your situation makes things easier as he/she will be prepared to help you. Your partner will also be able to understand when he/she sees you portraying some of the symptoms addressed above.

This will enable your partner to help you avoid those triggers and also to help you overcome them.  So be honest and share with him/her everything that sets off your anxiety.

This amazing book is by Dr. Faith Harper who provides a strict approach to dealing with anxiety using a lot of swearing words, humor, and patience to expound on the neuroscience behind anxiety.

This book by Marshall Goldsmith who is a renowned executive coach examines various psychological and environmental triggers that affect us in life.

This book by Lissah Lorberbaum and Carolyn Daitch offers techniques and tips that help you to build communication and to reduce anxieties with your partner. It also guides you on how to successfully work through conflicts while in a relationship.

Any form of anxiety can be very serious if it’s excessive. This is why relationship anxiety should be taken seriously as it causes serious disruption in your life. We all like to love and to be loved it’s in our nature, so don’t let relationship anxiety come between you and finding or keeping your true love.