25 Reasons Behind A Divorce You Shouldn’t Overlook
Cases of divorce has increased in the recent past and there are several reasons for this. Here are the leading 25 reasons for divorce.
Jul 24, 2018
Why marriage is not a bed of roses!
Whether you are planning to get into a marriage or you are already in one, one thing that we you need to know is that marriage is not always a bed of roses. Studies show that 40 to 50% of people who get into a marriage end up in divorce. Out of those who divorce and remarry, 60% of their second marriages end up in divorce. If you are looking to get into a marriage, these statistics can be difficult to grasp. But one question that we all need to ask ourselves is what is the cause of this high rate of divorce? Here are the top 25 causes of divorce.
1. Reason for divorce - a marriage for a wrong reason
Probably a woman was going through a difficult time financially. She met a man who was financially stable and decided to get married to him. There are those who marry for the money and this is a quick ticket to divorce. There are others who marry to escape singleness. This causes them to marry the first person who comes with an offer to marry them. You should remember that until you get married, you will always have a choice to say no to a marriage proposal.
2. Not having an individual indentity
One of the most dangerous things in a marriage is a co-dependent relationship. This means that you do not have any interest or you are controlled by your spouse. When you find yourself in a situation where you cannot do anything without the influence of your partner, it is a sign that things are not going smoothly. If you no longer listen to the kind of music you used to listen to, watch the movies you used to or cook the food you used to like, you are already in a deep problem. This can be a reason for divorce; if the co-dependency is not tamed early enough.
3. Lack of a shared success vision
It can be very difficult to live in harmony as a couple if one of you is a saver and the other a spender. If your partner considers it your role to cook and keep the house tidy while you think otherwise, this could be a reason for disagreements in a marriage that may later end up in divorce. You keep saying that the man should have discussed these issues with you, but probably you also never took out time to ask.
4. Reason for divorce - lack of intimacy
At one point of time in a marriage, there are subtle changes that will occur in the intimacy department. As your relationship with your spouse starts to grow, there will be a change in arousal and sexual excitement. This is probably because of seeing the same naked person every night! Is it possible to get hard or wet by seeing your naked spouse? One of you may be enjoying sex while the other isn’t. In other instances, one of the spouses can be unwell or simply there can be a misunderstanding. It could even be that there is an idea that he isn’t that romantic or she is no longer sexy. Once you stop feeling connected to your partner, one of the spouses may feel as if he or she is living with a roommate or stranger instead of a spouse. The reason for this may not even be about sex, but the lack of emotional or physical intimacy. In case you constantly give your spouse a cold shoulder, you need to realize that this may in future be a cause for divorce. It is the role of both couples to make the relationship feel special and intimate. In order to do this, it is good for the couple to practice the little acts of appreciation and kindness. The couple should also seek to enjoy their physical intimacy in the best ways possible to add sweetness to the marriage. With one of the spouses showing subtle changes, this can cause lack if intimacy in a marriage. In order to have sexual receptivity, men will need that romantic feel. On the other hand, women will need to be romanced in order for them to be receptive to sex. When both people get their desire, they are ready to meet the need of the other person. But when this lessens, it may cause one to pull back. Where this is not handled, the couple will later realize that they are no longer enjoying their intimate moments. This may later be one of the reasons for divorce as one of the spouses may begin to feel unloved.
5. Infidelity is another reason for divorce
One of the major causes of divorce in a marriage is infidelity. Some of the common reasons why couples cheat is because of resentment and anger. Where one of the spouses is unable to meet the sexual needs of the other, this may also lead to cheating. Where the couple is no longer emotionally intimate, this may be one of the reasons for divorce. In most cases, infidelity will start as a harmless friendship. It will begin with an emotional relationship that later turns into a physical affair.
6. Money is a reason for divorce
Money is one of the major reasons for divorce. This may range from different financial goals, different spending habits to one partner making more money than the other…leading to power struggle in the marriage. This may reach a point where it gets to a breaking point. Money can influence people in a big way. It can impact the lives of the couple. Lack of money goes hand-in-hand with stress. This makes money one of the major reasons for divorce. So, this problem should be addressed well in time before it bloats out of proportion!
7. Communication breakdown is another reason for divorce
One of the most important things in a marriage is communication. Marriage therapists say that good communication is the foundation of any good marriage. The inability to communicate in an effective way can cause frustration and resentment for both parties. This can have an impact on the different aspects of the marriage. Some of the bad communication methods include yelling at your partner, lack of enough communication in the marriage and making bad comments about your partners. It is important to practice honest communication as this may help to save your marriage from divorce. It is worth noting that communication is more than just speaking to one another. There are many couples out there who speak a lot, but they do not communicate. There is need for a couple to understand one another clearly and start learning about their significant other
8. Arguing constantly can be a reason for divorce
Arguments are unavoidable in a marriage. However, when this becomes the order of the day, it will cause tension in the marriage that can later be one of the reasons for divorce. Some of the issues that a couple constantly argues about include bickering on the house chores, handling of the kids, spending of money etc. The reason why a couple will keep on having the same argument over and over again is because one of them may feel unheard or even unappreciated. One of the spouses may not be in a position to see the point of view of the other. This causes so many arguments that may remain unresolved. The most important thing is for the couple to develop some ground rules that will make each of the spouses to be heard and respected. At times, there may be a need for a third party such as a counselor to help define the rules and help get rid of the charged emotions and resentments.
9. Weight gain
This may seem awfully unfair or superficial reason for divorce, but is still one of the causes for divorce. When one of the couples adds a significant amount of weight, it can make them look less physically attractive. For the other couple, the weight gain may reduce their self-esteem. This can affect intimacy issues which may in turn cause divorce.
10. Unrealistic expectations may cause divorce
Many couples get into a marriage with some lofty expectations. They expect the marriage and the spouse to live to their expected image. It is these expectations that can strain a marriage and cause a divorce.
11. Inequality is a reason for divorce
One of the reasons for divorce is the inequality in a marriage. This can happen where one of the partners feels that they are bearing more responsibilities than the other, leading to resentment. This is why it is important for every couple to understand and talk about their unique set of challenges. They should find a way to live together as equal partners who have a joyful, harmonious and respectful relationship.
12. Physical, emotional abuse can be a cause for divorce
Many spouses undergo emotional and physical abuse. The reason for the abuse is not that the abuser is a bad person, but it is as a result of deep-rooted emotional issues. Whatever the reason, abuse should not be tolerated in a marriage.
13. Dissatisfaction is a reason of divorce
Probably, you have been in a situation where you feel that your partner is not good enough for you. Or probably, you feel that you deserved someone better than your partner. This may look funny or petty. However, when dissatisfaction grows over time, it can trick you into making a mistake that you will end up regretting. There are still some great qualities in your partner. You can notice this when you look at them.
14. Feeling constrained
There are couples who opt for a divorce because they feel as if they are being held back by the marriage. This could be in their careers or other areas. When you feel that you no longer want to be tied down, there are chances that you will start to find a way out of the marriage. In life, our personal priorities keep on changing. If you want your marriage to succeed and avoid divorcing one another, you will need to understand the priorities of the other party. You should not expect your partner to remain the same forever. Instead, you will need to talk and understand one another better. This will help you to fall in love with one another better.
15. Not understanding one another
This is one reason for divorce that is more common that what many people imagine. As we continue to evolve, we all have our wants and needs. When one partner feels that the other no longer understands their wants and needs, it can be one of the reasons for divorce.
16. Sudden lifestyle changes
A marriage is more than a ring on the finger. It involves a whole new lifestyle and new life. If you are yet to move in with the other person, it may be difficult to understand the real challenges that come with living with a another person. If you are the kind who loves your privacy and space, and does not like it when someone breaks at your neck always, you will need to consider whether you will be able to cope with your new marital status.
17. Lack of trust is a reason for divorce
There are many couples out there who are suffering due to lack of trust for one another. Probably, you find the behavior of your spouse suspicious when they speak to a friend on the phone. Trust is a key pillar of marriage. Where trust is lost, it is difficult for the marriage to survive. This is why lack of trust is one of the reasons for divorce.
18. Insecurity and jealousy
Insecurity is like a worm that crawls into your heart. When you continue feeding it, it grows bigger over time. There are times where the insecurity may arise as a result of the behavior of your partner. There are times when a little jealously won’t hurt. However, when it starts leading to confusion and big fights, it will need to be handled or else it can be a reason for divorce.
19. Bad friends
Bad friends can also be a reason for divorce. This is especially true when you have friends who are lonely and sad or are unable to get along with their respective partners. This causes them to start convincing you that there is always the possibility of getting a better catch. With time, you start believing their words and start searching. This only leads to a divorce.
20. Addictions can be a reason for divorce
It could be an addiction with alcohol, drugs, sex or gambling. When you are addicted to substances, this may affect your marriage. Therefore, you will need to overcome your addiction and ask for the support of your partners when trying to overcome it. It is very important you get rid of all your addictions, for a marriage to succeed!
21. Incompatibility is a reason for divorce
When getting into a marriage, you may have the feeling that you are the perfect couple who are imperfect for one another! Later in a marriage, you feel that the two of you don’t have common interests. This is when one or you will find that you are better off divorcing and marrying another person, than suffering a loveless marriage.
22. Getting out of touch
While sex is important in a marriage, you also need to maintain regular physical contact. You can say that little hello, give a goodbye hug or kiss. When couples are unable to maintain the sexual connection using sexual as well as non-sexual actions, it makes them strangers.
23. Different interests and priorities
In order for a marriage to succeed, there is a need for the couple to have similar interests and to explore these together. While it is important for each spouse to have their time, there is need to find shared passions. The couple should look for ways to explore these experiences together or they will end up growing apart.
24. Unhappiness
In most cases, couples don’t realize that love isn’t enough for them to remain happy. This is the reason why some people will get married and later realize that marriage was never their thing. This is why studies show that dissatisfaction in marriage is one of the leading reasons for divorce.
25. Different parenting styles
Parenting is a bigger undertaking than even getting married. After the couple is blessed with children, they find their priorities and lifestyle changing. Different parenting style is one of the main reasons for divorce. For instance, one parent may be a strict disciplinarian while the other prefers counseling the child. Unless there is agreement between the couple on the parenting style to adopt, it may be a reason for divorce.
Our final thoughts
Before you settle on divorce, it is important to consider the impact. This is not only on your spouse, but many people who will be affected by your divorce. These include your children, if you have any, your parents and siblings. Consider whether there is something that you can do to salvage the marriage. If possible arrange to see a marriage therapist who will listen to the underlying causes of the impending divorce and address the root cause. Unlike what may couples think the grass is not always greener on the other side: At times, you only need to water your own grass to make it greener? That is exactly what your marriage may be waiting for. Just try it!