25 Funny marriage advice for some humor in Love

Bask in some lightweight humor on these funny marriage advice

By Linda F.
25 Funny marriage advice for some humor in Love

Even the most perfect marriage, in more ways than one, can have its periods of ups-and-downs. That’s a polite way of saying that it can be extremely stressful at times. One way to get through these patchy situations is to keep your sense of humor alive no matter how dire the situation. 

For many, this challenging situation can appear in as early as the wedding day itself. Sometimes, the day you plan to be the most perfect one in your life, can turn into the most traumatic one. It helps a lot to keep your sense of humor here.

Brides trip over their wedding gowns, wedding cakes collapse, and the groom may get too nervous and hit the bottle too hard or the toastmaster may do so too make an embarrassing speech, whatever the situation, looking at the funny side may diffuse the situation. Even if everything is going as planned, and it's a perfect day, who doesn't love to hear a clever and witty speech at a wedding reception.

Here are some funny advice/quotes for both the bride and the groom that can be used in that direction.

Funny marriage advice for groom

  1. The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. – Henny Youngman
  2. If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears.
  3. The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once. – Ogden Nash
  4. If a wife says, “Do what you want”; Do Not Do What You Want! Stand still. Do not blink. Don’t even breathe. Just play dead.
  5. Never laugh at your wife’s choices because you are one of them.

Funny marriage advice for the Bride

6. "I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status."-Anonymous
7. "The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it." - Ann Bancroft
8. Husbands are like fires – they go out when unattended. – Zsa Zsa Gabor
9. Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will fix it. There is no need to remind him every six months about it.
10. If you’re wrong and you shut up, you’re wise. If you’re right and you shut up, you’re married.

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Funny marriage advice for a Speech

The wedding speech is one of the most eagerly awaited part of the wedding reception. When writing one keep it short and concise and better still, full of humor. Keep it tasteful and keep your target audience in mind. Being offensive and vulgarism is a strict no-no.

Read on to get a few funny quotes that could liven up your speech and make it light-hearted.

11. An anniversary lasts a day. A forgotten anniversary survives the eventual heat death of the universe and into the after-life.
12. To keep your marriage brimming with love in the wedding cup; whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up. – Ogden Nash
13. I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and by then it was too late. - Max Kauffmann.
14. Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards – Benjamin Franklin
15. By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.—Socrates

Funny marriage advice for the wedding toast

A wedding toast just as a wedding speech needs to be tasteful and memorable. The following are some funny quotes you could use and edit and make it your own. Use these to deliver a wedding toast that will be remembered by all for all the right reasons for a long time to come.

  1. A good marriage is one where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal.
  2. I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it. – Lyndon B. Johnson
  3. Marriage is give and take. You better give it to her, or she’ll take it anyway – Joey Adams.
  4. The four most important words in any marriage – “I’ll do the dishes”.
  5. "My wife dresses to kill, she cooks the same way."- Henry Youngman.


Funny marriage quotes

Sometimes, it’s not about others but ourselves. If you are going through a rough patch in your marriage just look around and you will be surprised to find others in the same, if not worse, predicaments. Some are downright tragic while others are so comic that you will not be able to but laugh and thank heavens that that’s not where you are at.

These hilarious quotes relating to marriages will hopefully help you cheer up and give you the required patience to just wait and ride it out.

1. We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours. We join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love - Dr Seuss.
2. Being married means mostly shouting,” What?” from other rooms.
3. A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband – Michel de Montaigne
4. When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad - Helen  Rowland
5. I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry. – Rita Rudner


We all have got to admit; marriage is not a bed of roses. There is no perfect marriage as they say, just two imperfect people trying to navigate the tricky waters of life together and live a near-perfect life. There is no formula for the perfect marriage either. Unfortunately, no one can change this indisputable truth. 

What we can do change and control, however, is our perspective on looking at things. No one wants to be around a negative and morose person. Complaining about a bad marriage doesn’t improve it but yes it does make it insufferable to those around you on account of your constant negativity.

So take a monumental decision to look at the glass being half full right now. Look for the silver lining in every dark cloud and you’re sure to find it.

Look for your silver lining to keep the humor in your marriage alive with these funny quotes and advices. There nothing better in life than to laugh your way through life with you’re the person you’ve married by your side. Many years from now, when you both look back at these times you and your spouse will be thankful you did that, and your union was that much better for it.

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