Polyamorous Dating vs Monogamous Dating
We live in the 21st century where it's all about acceptance. Not everyone think love should be exclusive. Some believe in an open relationship where you can love and share the love with multiple people at the same time.
Polyamorous dating means you're having more than just one stable partner at the same, with the consent of all partners involved. This can be seen as a direct challenge to the traditional monogamous dating, where you can only commit to one person at the same time and having another partner is only considered cheating.
The meaning of Polyamorous Dating
Being in a polyamorous relationship doesn't mean that you love someone less or that you can't decide who to love. It means that you know yourself well enough to know that you're capable of loving more than just one person at the same time. You want the intimacy from different partners and want to be able to share your life with different partners.
You can be co-habiting with all your partners under the same roof where everyone is in love with each other. Or you can be with different partners at different times. You don't have to share all your partners together but they have to know that each other exists.
Polyamorous dating is about making you feel happy and joyful, being able to share that love with different people and to enjoy life. You can get one partner to cuddle and watch movies together at night and another to go hiking during weekends. In that way, no one is forced to do something they don't like for their partner just because they're in a relationship.
There're more than just one person that can make you happy. That's why polyamorous dating is about not limiting yourself and to let you listen to your heart.
The rules of Polyamorous Dating
1. Complete honesty
Just like monogamous dating, complete honesty is a must in polyamorous dating. Some people tend to confuse polyamorous dating with cheating. That's very, very wrong and inaccurate. Polyamorous dating is nothing like cheating just for its complete honesty.
All parties know that they're not exclusive in this relationship. Their partner is seeing some other people and you can do the same. Cheating is about keeping the other person in the dark and not let them know you're sleeping with other people too.
A healthy polyamorous relationship comes from knowing exactly what situation you're in. You can tell your partner what you want and what you expect. If you want to see other people but don't want to share about that, tell them the truth and say you would like to keep that part of your life to yourself for now. If you wish to bring in another person into the relationship, ask your partner to see if he/she is okay with it.
2. NO jealousy
Humans are made to be jealous of something, or someone. It's just as easy to be jealous in a polyamorous relationship as in any monogamous relationship. It's hard, but if you're the jealous type, a polyamorous relationship is not for you. You have to understand that your partner is sleeping with another person (or multiple people) as you're reading this article. If that thought makes you uncomfortable, you need to rethink if you truly want to be in a polyamorous relationship.
Knowing that you're committed means that you can't come to your partner and tell him/her to stop hanging out with other partners. You have to fully accept the fact that they're having fun, not just with you.
3. Be emotionally involved too
Too many people think a polyamorous relationship is just about having sex with different people and you don't need to invest emotionally. That's also can't be further away from the truth. You need to care for your partners' emotions, understand their past, their weakness, and simply be their company when they're upset.
4. Always know your position well
Know that you're not in an exclusive relationship. It should still be your responsibility to care for your partners, but know that you're not his exclusive wife or girlfriend. There're parts of him that maybe you think should change, but it's not in your position to ask him to.
For example, it's you're dating exclusively, you can easily ask him to plan a future together, where do you see yourselves in 10 years etc. But if you're in a polyamorous relationsihp, know that he is also planning his future with other people. It's not just about you. There're more to think about if you're planning a proper future. That's why most people in a polyamorous relationship consider more about living in the moment rather than thinking about a future. Make sure you're okay with this before you get into one.
Tips of Polyamorous Dating
1. Set reasonable expectations
You have to organise your time for different partners and all your partners have to do the same. Set reasonable expectations and don't expect your partners will be available 24/7. If they can't meet when you're available, understand that they have to arrange their time as well. Don't think they choose not to spend time with you because their other partners are more important. They probably have been trying hard to balance it as well.
2. Don't compare yourself to their partners
That's very important in order to be in a happy polyamorous relationship. You don't ever compare yourself to their partners. Don't think that you're better or worse than their partners. You need to be completely okay with their other partners and be happy for them. You may be a good listener and that's why he enjoys spending time with you because you give him the emotional support while his other partners may give him the thrill by going on different adventures.
Everyone is different. Trust that your partner is with you for a reason. He loves you for a reason and there's really no use for you to compare yourself to others because you already agreed to be okay with his other partners when you agreed to be in this relationship.
3. Active communication
Constantly talk to your partner about your relationship to make sure you're still in the same page. Changes come more easily in a polyamorous relationship. Maybe you agreed to talk about your other partners and share everything but you met someone new and are hoping to keep this one to yourself for a while. Then you need to inform your partner that you met someone new but are having too much fun to want to share at this stage.
Make sure you both know what's going on. You can keep your other partners to youself but at least they should all know that there's someone else. Talk to them actively and set expectations on what they want in this relationship.
4. Respect his/her other partners when you meet them
Your partner may come to you and say that he wants you to meet his other partners. This shows that he really wants to include you in his life. If you're fine with meeting his other partners, then you need to be respectful when you meet them. Don't focus on how much better you are when you see them. Find their good qualities and appreciate them as well.
Your partner loves his other partners too for a reason, probably something that you can learn from too to be a better person. Learn to appreciate them and see how you can be better with them.
5. Don't let other people's judgement to bring you down
It's true that there're many people in this world that think polyamorous dating is just an excuse of being a slut. They may say horrible words for you just for something you want, when you're not even hurting anyone with your actions. There will always be people like that. As much as we hope to change that in the foreseeable, the only way to deal with this now is for you to not be bothered by those that judge.
Don't be afraid to be who you are because of the judgement and don't feel the need to lie about what you want. Lying to family and friends because you're afraid of their judgement will harm your relationship in ways that you couldn't even think so. Always be true to yourself.
Polyamorous dating can't exactly be described as the mainstream style of dating. But it's definitely becoming more and mroe trendy as people can finally be open and share their love to more without feeling like they cheated as complete honesty is 100% given.
If you're in a polyamorous relationship or is considering to be in one, then this articles has given you the basics in what you need to know!