Why I Cheated On My Boyfriend And What I Learned From It
Cheating isn't right. I don't condone it, but I do get it. Here's why I cheated on my boyfriend and what I learned from the whole experience.
Jul 24, 2018
Why Do We Cheat On Our Boyfriends?
I'm not the only woman in the history of time to have cheated on her boyfriend. Many think that when it comes to cheating, it's something only men do. This, couldn't be any further from the truth. Women cheat on their boyfriend or spouses too. However, I believe that it is for different reasons than why men cheat. When a woman cheats on her boyfriend or husband it's not always just about sex. It's also not about whether or not she is in love with her boyfriend or not. Usually, a woman cheats on her boyfriend or spouse for one of only a few reasons. 1. She isn't getting what she needs from her boyfriend either emotionally or physically. 2. She is already checked out of the relationship and has mentally moved on already. 3. She is really in love with her best friend and the opportunity presented itself, so she took it. Now, I'm not saying that 100% of all women who cheat on their boyfriends fall into these categories. I'm just saying that the majority of the women I know who have cheated can fit into one of them. Of the friends I have who have cheated on their boyfriends, all but one fall into one of these categories.
My Cheating Experience - Here's What Happened
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It's happened to more of us than we realize. We aren't alone when it comes to having cheated on our boyfriends. You aren't the only one out there who has done it, and neither am I. It's not something I'm proud of, but it happened. Here's what went down: My boyfriend and I had been together for about 6 months or so. We had previously dated and ended things because we were at different points in our lives. We had gotten back together and I thought that this time it was going to work and be great! I went from dreaming about a life together to wondering if I should have ever gotten back together with him. I began to drift away from my boyfriend. I could tell that I was pulling away, but I was still trying to make it work. On paper, this should have been a great relationship! One afternoon, one of my best friends started texting me. He and I had some history but were still great friends. He asked me about my boyfriend and our relationship and how things were going. I was honest, as I always was with him. It had been over a year since we had hung out so I asked him if he wanted to meet one day for lunch to catch up more. So, we went ahead and scheduled our lunch and that was that. I never told my boyfriend that I was meeting my friend for lunch. My ex wasn't ever concerned with what I was doing, where I was going, or anything so I didn't bother to tell him. When the day came to meet my friend for lunch, I decided to see if he wanted to meet at my place. I needed to grab something I had forgotten, so I offered we just meet at my place and have lunch there. He agreed. This guy and I had known each other for so long and he was a very good friend. I would even call him a best friend. Meeting at my place wasn't out of the ordinary or uncomfortable. Though we had hooked up from time to time, we never had if I was in a relationship, so it didn't even cross my mind. Needless to say, we met up at my place, one thing led to another and we forgot to have lunch since we were busy doing other things.
What I Learned About Myself After Cheating on my Boyfriend
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Now you know how I cheated and what happened with the boyfriend I cheated on. It seemed innocent enough. This wasn't planned. I didn't go to lunch that day to sleep with my best friend. I didn't go thinking I would cheat on my boyfriend. If you're anything like me, this is the sort of thing that throws you for a loop. You aren't sure exactly what to do or how to respond at first. Do you tell him? What does all this mean? Well, I can tell you what I learned. I learned that though I knew that I loved my boyfriend, I wasn't IN love with him anymore. I cared about my boyfriend a lot and I loved his family. I wanted him to be happy, but we didn't want the same things. My boyfriend at the time was all about us starting a family, which I loved the idea of, but he also wanted me to just stay at home and not have a career. I started taking a closer look at the relationship I had with my boyfriend. I started to look at our love and the way we showed it. It was clear that I wasn't really happy and to be honest I still don't know if he was either. I never thought I would cheat on a boyfriend, but after this, I now understand why it happens. Cheating on my boyfriend made me look at things with a different perspective and though I knew things weren't great before all this happened, I didn't know why. Cheating made me realize why I wasn't happy. It wasn't until I had cheated on my boyfriend that I began to look at our relationship and consider how I felt and what I truly needed and wanted. Cheating made me realize that making my ex happy wasn't the only thing that mattered. I never told my boyfriend that I cheated on him. I ended the relationship because I learned what I wanted and what I needed and knew he couldn't give me those things. He never found out, or at least I don't think he did. I didn't see the point in telling him what had happened. The point was that I loved him, I didn't want to hurt him, but I knew we didn't belong together.
After I Cheated - I Learned What I Need From A Boyfriend
I'm not proud that I cheated on my boyfriend, but I'm also not someone who dwells on the past. Don't dwell on the fact that you cheated because you can't change it. Focus on moving forward. I learned one of the most valuable lessons after I cheated on my ex: to be honest about what I need from a boyfriend, what was missing, and what truly made me decide to cheat. I learned that when I have a boyfriend, I need physical touch. I need to feel like my boyfriend wants me. I need to feel like he is into me as much now as he was when we first started dating. I found out that the physical side of a relationship is more than just what happens in bed, and that it is a necessary part of a relationship. I never wanted to believe that I needed someone's physical love to feel like I was wanted. What I found out from cheating is that my best friend gave me something my ex hadn't for a long time. He made me feel special, he made me feel beautiful, he made me feel wanted and he made me feel like I was the only thing that mattered in that moment. I found out that these things were important to me and that I needed a man who would make me feel this way.
Finding Someone You Don't Want To Cheat On
Sometimes it's hard to admit, but if you cheated on your boyfriend you have to wonder how much you really want to be with them. Maybe you are deeply in love, and you never wanted to cheat on your boyfriend. You want to be with this guy forever, but something happened. Maybe you made a bad decision one night after too many drinks. Maybe when you cheated on your boyfriend you had no idea why you did it, you just knew you made the choice when you decided to do it. The most important thing I learned is that I needed to be in a relationship with someone who I knew I would never want to cheat on. That he gave me everything physically, emotionally and mentally that any man could, so there was no need for me to go looking elsewhere. I needed to be with a man who would make me turn down every opportunity to cheat every time. Find a boyfriend who gives you so much that you know you would never cheat on him. Find a man that, if presented the opportunity, you would say "No" because you know that no other man would give you what he does. It can be a long road. Sometimes you have to be honest with yourself and know that you aren't in a place where you can make a commitment. Maybe you need to be free for a while. The most important thing, no matter how long the road may seem, is to be true to yourself. Don't force yourself to be committed to someone you know you will cheat on down the road because they can't fulfill your needs now. And, just because you cheated once doesn't mean you will again. You won't, not if you find the right person.
Once I've Cheated, Will I Do It Again?
"Once a cheater, always a cheater." How many times have you heard that phrase? If you're anything like me, it makes you cringe every time someone says it. Many believe that once you've cheated on your boyfriend or spouse that you will do it again and again. I learned that this isn't true! I do believe that there are some that cheat over and over because they have never really been honest with themselves as to why they cheated in the first place. I honestly believe that you have full control over this! Don't let it be who you are! I know I haven't, and I don't think you should either. Learn from it. Ask yourself the hard questions. 1. Do I really love this person I'm with? 2. Why did I want to cheat in the first place? 3. What did cheating give me that he couldn't? 4. Why am I choosing to cheat on someone I love? If you are honest with yourself, you will be more aware of why you make the choices you make in these situations. Don't believe that cliched nonsense. You dictate who you are and where you go from here. Don't let anyone else, not even your ex, do that for you.
Time To Move On
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So it happened, we all know that feeling. We know we need to do something to move on. What should we do? What now? Many women wonder if they should tell him. Do you tell him what you did? Do you wait and let him find out? Or maybe you hope he never finds out and that you should just move on quietly. If you plan to stay with your boyfriend, then you need to decide what it is you can live with and whether or not you should tell him or just move on. Either way has its risks. The point is that you have to move on. You can't decide to stay with your boyfriend and continue to dwell on what happened. Tell him. Don't tell him. That's up to you. Just move on and delete the guy's number that you cheated with! Maybe, like me, you decided this guy isn't going to be the one. You're going to break up with him and end your relationship. In my opinion, I wouldn't bother telling him. If you are leaving him anyway, why tell him and hurt him more? Move on. Be honest with yourself, learn from it all, and move forward. Life isn't perfect for anyone. If somebody says it is, they're lying. We've all made mistakes. Whether it's cheating on our boyfriend, or anything else, shit happens. It's what you do moving forward that matters most.