Taking a simple look around our social circle tells us that almost everyone seems to be paired up with someone. You put on Netflix, every popular show has a plot around love in it, same is the case with movies and songs. It’s natural to question why you’re single, when everyone else seems to be committed. There could be a variety of internal and external reasons behind this, and subtle tweaks in those aspects could help you move from ‘singling’ to mingling. Keep reading!
Single vs Dating
Everyone who’s in a relationship, or has been in one, knows that while being with someone can be magical, it has some downsides to it too. Single life symbolizes freedom, and the highest level of control over one’s individual life choices and actions. It definitely has its perks, such as having the liberty to stay out with your friends till 4 in the morning, without being accountable to anyone as to where you’ve been. Some people choose to stay single because they prefer a more casual sex life; a no-strings-attached type of thing.
However, being in a relationship is preferable over singlehood for most people. This is because as humans, we’ve been hard-wired to always feel a deeper connection with potential partners. As much pride you may take in being a lone-wolf, there will always be nights when you’d rather hold someone close as you close your eyes. You’ve probably realized that, if you’re reading this article, which is why we’ve gathered 8 key reasons why you just can’t seem to get rid of your single life.
What is wrong with me? Why am I still single for so long?
1. Playing hard-to-get
Just to get out of a socially uncomfortable situation, it’s common for some people to pretend like they’re busy when someone asks them out. This is especially true for people on the introverted side, who end up playing hard to get and seeming unapproachable for potential partners. Pretending not to care as much as you actually do can cause a lot of problems for your non-existent love life, making it hard to find the right guy for you. Nice guys may chicken out from taking their chance with you if they know you’ve been rejecting people left and right. You might end up attracting people who’ll potentially cause unhappiness, as they’d be fine with lack of closure. Just be genuine, that’s all.
2. You can’t forget about your ex
Old partners aren’t easy to get over, ever, especially if they were the ones who ended the relationship. But it could be just as worse if you’re the person who pushed the partner away, probably because you weren’t too comfortable with being too intimate. The love recurs in your heart after the relation ends, and your mind somehow convinces you to believe that the relationship shouldn’t have ever ended. Once you fall in this trap, you subconsciously compare every new individual with the unforgotten ex.
3. Being fixated on the “one”
Is there a crush you can’t forget about? Are you obsessed with a Ryan Gosling character that’s absolutely perfect? Images like this could form an idealized character in your mind, which could sometimes become the standard of what you look for in a dating partner. Now, having high standards isn’t always a bad thing. It ensures that only worthy people would be allowed to get close to you, but finding someone like that could take forever, and it could be the reason why you’re still single. Approach people with an open mind, let them open up to you and give them a chance, you may like them even more than the character picture you have in mind.
4. You’re a drama lover
Now don’t take this one personally, relationship highs and lows are what keep it interesting, and that’s why some people could have a potential of being drama junkies. A straightforward lovey-dovey dating experience could be attractive at first, but it realistically won’t be as appreciable with a monotone nature.
This is the major reason behind the “nice guys finish last” saying, because drama lovers can be easily pulled towards people who tend to be more unavailable, making people work super hard to attain affection from them. Making such a choice won’t be healthy for you in the long term though, it’s best to go with someone who’s authentic, secure and available.
5. Fearing Dependence
In some people, there’s an understandable fear of letting the guard down. This results in a tendency to avoid commitment in relationships, just because of worrying about emotional dependence upon the partner. If you’re one of these people, this is a serious area to consider if you’re searching for reasons why you’re still single – you probably prioritize total independence over a romantic relationship. At some point in your life, you’ll sadly have to depend on someone, no matter how long you fight it. Success is to find the best person to do that with.
6. Thinking it’s not the right time
Your mind can think of a million reasons why it’s not a good time to commit to someone else right now. You’ll always have some problems in your life, but it doesn’t mean you can’t get into a relationship until you solve them. You may set timelines in your mind about when you’ll seriously consider dating again, but it seems that the timeline just keeps extending, doesn’t it?
It started with the thought that you’ll start once you’ve graduated, then it extended to getting a job first, and so on. It could be a major reason why you remain single, because you keep putting it off. Why not work on your problems while getting the love you deserve from a caring partner?
7. You think there aren’t any good ones out there
Dating setbacks are taken much more seriously when you date rarely, and infrequently. This way, you end up investing all your emotional attention into the person, instead of letting things go naturally and seeing if they’re even your type first. This is what leads to imminent disappointment, leading you to believe that “all men are the same”, that’s just not true.
It’s better to build strength towards dating setbacks by dating frequently to weigh your options before making a true long-term emotional commitment. Once you know you’ve found the one for you, feel free to go all-in, you’ll know there definitely are good ones.
8. Your self-esteem needs work
Here’s a major potential culprit – your self-esteem. There’s an incredibly dangerous thought that could sadly wander into some peoples’ minds, which is “I’m not good enough to date someone currently”. Not being ‘good enough’ could relate to many different aspects of someone’s personality.
We all have inner voices that critique us, some have them stronger than others, critiquing one or more of their traits. People could perceive them as too ugly, too fat or too awkward to date. These critical voices within us cause us to behave in a way that diminishes self-esteem, demotes self-love, making it hard for people to love you as well. Work on your self-esteem if you feel like this reason relates to you, because you can’t love someone else until you truly love yourself.
How to get attached and wave Goodbye to Singlehood
It’s possible that one or more of the above reasons apply to you, and identifying these reasons would act as the first step towards waving goodbye to your single life. It’s advisable to right them down on a notepad with a goal in mind to eliminate each of them one by one. Prioritize the reasons you think are the most influential on keeping you single, and track your progress by comparing yourself with the starting stages.
Once you’re done eradicating all eight of the above reasons from your life, you’re open for the relationship business. You’ll automatically feel that more people have started to circle through your life, make sure you give people a chance to get close. As that happens, keep working on improving yourself, because the reasons behind staying single aren’t limited to eight, there will be more, we’ve just targeted the key ones!
It might seem like a ton of work just to make yourself ready for dating, by making sure you’re not one of the eight types of people mentioned above, but it’s all worth it. Being in a relationship is something you’ll really have to embrace at some point in your life, better start working on it sooner. Moreover, it’s not going to feel like a chore, because you’re not doing all this for your upcoming partner, but it’s a form of self-development which ensures that the people who flow into your life are worthy of your commitment. Best of luck!