Is it normal to still love my ex after a breakup?
Moving on from a relationship can be hard. It is always a devastating experience and can leave you in a wreck more often than not. It’s “ideal” that you move on from loving them as well but sadly life is rarely “ideal”. So here are 10 reasons why you still might be in love with them and are finding it harder to move on from them…
1. You’ve lost the friend in them
Yes, losing a significant other can be hurtful, but it’s always more painful if you’ve also lost a good friend in them. Love is based on mutual trust and understanding. Friendship is the purest form of this. So you never really see the transition from a friend to a lover coming… but what this does is keep you attached to them a lot longer than you to a lover after things have ended. You miss the late night gossips, the crazy adventures and the comfort that their presence brought you. Ah, I know you wish you’d never loved them like this because it still hurts knowing they are gone but try changing your perspective and be grateful for all the good memories and the lessons.
2. You had been with them through thick and thin
Human nature is benign and loving in all its potential. We thrive off of caring for others and going the extra mile for a loved one. It is normal to feel attached to someone you’ve cared day in and day out for. Keeping their daily schedule in mind and being supportive of everything felt normal. I know you wonder if it is just you but trust me; it is common to still have feelings of love and care for them. This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to try and get back together. The love you develop for someone especially after facing some hardship is always purer and raw. When you’ve spent your life knowing how to be with them through thick and thin, it can be toll taking to realize now it’s all over!
3. Your breakup was not mutual
One reason that you still might be feeling hooked to them could very well be that you didn’t want things to end. It’s sad but prevails in almost every relationship… this unbalance between both partners’ feelings for each other. One almost always loves more than the other. You could be the one who was still happy in the relationship. Maybe you didn’t think much of the rough patch you both were facing for a while now. The breakup could come as a shock to you if you just didn’t see it coming. You thought it was just another one of your date lunches. Just maybe it wouldn’t have hurt so much if you had some idea of the breakup beforehand. Give yourself the right time to grieve and deal with one thing at a time to really get it out of your system for good.
4. You didn’t get closure
Closure sounds like a myth to some, but it is the realest emotion to exist. The feeling of not having proper closure is the worst one could experience. It feels like unfinished business and can almost always devastate you with nightmares and hurtful thoughts. Your love for someone is not defined by reasoning and it never should, but closure is important to help you move on from any toxicity. Knowing what made them leave or why they thought this wasn’t good enough anymore among other things, can help you process it sanely. On the other hand, you’ve been busting your head over what went wrong. What steered them away from you and how the love could have ended overnight? All these hard-hitting questions can take a toll on your mental health and leave you anxious than ever.
Is it normal to still love my ex after 5 years?
5. You share a workplace
It is destructive to have a relationship end with a lover. But it can be a million times more so if you share a common workplace. You get to see them every day and it hurts every damn time! How a co-worker might start hitting on them now that you two aren’t together anymore can feel like a slap to the face. Sure, time helps heal things but what if you keep ripping the Band-Aid off the wound. Will it ever heal? No, it’ll rather worsen the situation. This is what happens when you share the same space as them after a breakup. It can make you feel pathetic without them and you keep missing their love and affection more and more. If it’s been 5 years and you’re still in love with your co-worker, moving jobs or taking a vacation to set priorities might help.
6. You still have a sound friendship
This is an unusual scenario that is rare but somehow keeps you calmer. Having a sound friendship with a former lover is soothing and torturous at the same time and might be the reason why you haven’t been able to move on. Knowing you both don’t have a spiteful interaction can be healthy, but how many times have you found yourself longing for just a little more warmth from them? This can prevent you from moving on for a long time. Be it 5 years or 15, when you keep laughing with them and continue going on casual hangouts, it can be more painful to not be with each other as a couple. You miss the way you used to hold hands, and be crazy about each other.
Is it okay to still love my ex if I’m in a relationship?
7. You miss their little gestures
Everybody desires a perfect love story, but it is true that not everybody will get it where they expect. Sometimes finding yourself is more important in the journey to true happiness. You might be unable to move on from your ex because maybe your new partner is not as understanding. You start missing the little things they used to do for you. It could be something as simple as the way they used to rub your shoulders after a rough day, and your new partner doesn’t. But this doesn’t mean that their way of caring for you or showing love is any less authentic.
8. You still haven’t found that magical connection
An unreal magical and dreamy connection is maybe why we love another person. The freedom to be yourself unapologetically, the raw energy that you thrive off… all of it just seems to be perfect. You can feel yourself stuck on the past if you felt you had the perfect relationship with a former lover. You refuse to let yourself go and this can be hurtful for your current love life. It’s easy to find yourself lost in day to day moments and think of them at unusual times. Its okay to still be attached to someone but healthy and timely healing is important for you and your current partner. Give your new significant other a fair chance and try to live in the moment rather than think about the past too often.
9. You long for their physical presence
A relationship has both emotional and physical aspects to it. Physical longing can leave you aching for intimacy. It can be harder for you to move on from a lover that you had excellent chemistry with. The intimate relationship you both had could be beautiful and leave you unsatisfied with your current lover. Having the same fetishes, a silent understanding of what feels good to both is a rare connection. It’s possible for you to feel you might never share the same level of crazy raw physical intimacy. Craving their touch, their affection and attention is a very natural response, but you just have to figure out a way to not be affected too much by it.
10. You feel like they were your soul mate
It is tragic when someone you thought were meant to be your soul mate is now just a random person you used to know. The idea of loving them for an eternity is beautiful and you had maybe spent your entire life just wanting to be with a person like them. The idea of losing someone special is difficult to process. It can take years to dwell. This harsh reality that they maybe never thought of you in the same way can send you in a downward spiral of hurt and depression. It is completely normal for you to still have feelings for your ex… but you have to finally learn to move on from it. After all, if they had really been your soul mate, they would have never left!
What to do and how to move on from loving my ex?
Exploring new relationships can often be painful and even traumatic after a bad breakup. But it’s high time you realize that they are not coming back to you and you cannot spend your whole life being unhappy and unsatisfied. It is okay for you to not be attracted to someone instantly and it is understandable that you miss what you had with your ex but that doesn’t guarantee that you’ll be unhappy with someone else too. It’s okay to experiment for a while and maybe even have a rebound fling. But don’t turn a blind eye towards the good ones! Cut yourself some slack and put yourself out there. There will surely be someone that deserves you and will make you the king/queen of their hearts! Go out for shopping, drink the night away with your pals and have casual dates, whatever you feel like you need! Healing can come from anything! It can be by eating a tub full of ice cream while crying on the couch or partying like an animal on a weekend… explore and enjoy!
Human beings crave love and belonging. The feeling that someone cares for you with all their heart makes you feel precious and loved. What might be stopping you from moving on could be this deficiency you feel. However, one way to tackle it can be if you become your own lover. Start appreciating yourself more and the power of your body, your personality and your raw emotions. Value yourself more as a person and you will see better days in absolutely no time. If you start to work on yourself, you’ll be able to realize how beautiful it is to actually be fond of yourself and not be hooked onto the past.