4 Rules of Saying I Love You and Effects Of Not Saying

What are the rules of saying I love you to your beloved partner

By Caren M
4 Rules of Saying I Love You and Effects Of Not Saying

The rules of saying I Love You For the first time

For us hopeless romantics, movies have taught us that when you feel some type of way when you’re with your partner it’s time you let him know that he’s turned your stomach into a zoo and your heart is to leave your body when he’s just that close. Just one problem, saying ‘I love you’ scares and intimidates you and all the rules surrounding it confuse the hell out of you and it’s not at all like the easy ride we see in movies. 

Experts say there is no perfect way or time or place to say it, but let’s face it, some conditions can make it totally awkward and you can hear crickets chirp in the silence that follows. To avoid this, here are some general rules of saying ‘I love you’ especially for the first time to your lover. 

a. Give it a little time

Sure you may know at first sight that they are the one you want to spend the rest of your life together with but logic dictates giving the relationship a bit of time to grow so you can get to know each other better and allow your partner to get on the same level as you. Saying it so soon can fizzle out things faster than you can say 'Geronimo' so hold it in for just long enough. 

b. Don’t say it during sex

You’re probably having the kind of sex that transcends bodies and goes into soul territory so you feel like screaming out just how much you love them… Or is it the sex you love? Confusing right. And even if your partner says it back, you don’t know whether he said it back because of the stupidly amazing sex or cause he means it. Point is, saying it during sex can turn out really bad and you can definitely say bye bye to soul sex if it goes bad.

c. Go private rather than public

The thing about love is you feel like shouting it from the rooftops, or a party packed with all his close friends and family. Don’t Pick instead to do it privately first, between the two of you before everyone else knows it. And because you never know what the reaction of your partner will be, it will save you some truly embarrassing situations if he doesn’t react well to it.

d. When you really mean it

Probably the most important rule, only ever tell your partner you love them when you’re absolutely sure without a shadow of a doubt that you love them. It doesn’t matter how long you two have been dating or if it expected, saying it without meaning it will hurt both of you in the long run.

The rules of saying I Love You too much

How many times is one too many when it comes to saying ‘I love you’? This is the question that plagues many people, especially the first timers in this kind of thing.

a. When it’s okay

There are times when you whisper to each other over and over how much you love each other. Like when you’re both feeling it so deeply and so overjoyed that you both feel the same way and laugh-cry how much you love each other like the two love lunatics you are.

b. Don’t smother

Love is a good thing, a freeing thing. However, when you say too much, it can feel like a prison sentence to your partner, especially if they haven’t said it back. Instead of bringing them closer to you, you might drive them completely away with your insistent love.

c. Learn patience

Doesn’t matter how many times you want to say it, once every nanosecond… Your partner doesn’t want to hear it as often. Learn patience and self-control and tone it down to an acceptable number that works for both of you

d. Don’t get creepy

Waiting for him to open his eyes so you can tell him you love him. Then following him to the bathroom as he brushes his teeth, then after his shower, while he’s having breakfast… You get the picture. Let him breathe. Saying it too much might have you looking a little crazy so say it once and let him enjoy the feel of that.

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The rules of saying I Love You too soon

Saying I love you as soon as you lock eyes and smile at each other is well and dandy but it doesn’t always work. Saying it too soon may seem a little rushed and insincere.

a Learn each other first

Take time to get to know one another. The things you like about each other and what you despise. After you have all this information and still feel like he’s the air that you breathe, then go ahead and let him know.

b. Let the love grow

If you think you love him now, then give it time and see how much more the affection grows and how you grow together as a couple. For all you know, it could have just been an intense infatuation.

c. He’s not ready to hear it

One of the suckiest things about saying ‘I love you’ too soon is your partner may not be ready to hear it. He may feel it, may even show but he might feel like saying it too soon takes away from the magic so weigh it out first and see where he is with this before sledgehammering him.

The rules of saying I Love You and not hearing it back

Putting your feelings out there and not hearing it back can be soul-crushing especially if you were expecting it. Keeping your head above water after this catastrophe is important and here’s how you do it.

a. Don’t expect to hear it back

We’ve said it once and we say it again. Do not say I love you expecting your partner to say it back. Say it cause you feel it and not cause you want to hear it. He’ll come to you in his own time.

b. Patience is key

Maybe it’s been a few days since you said the three life-changing words and he’s not reacted to it as you wanted. Give it more time. Perhaps he’s going through his own thing and wants to make sure he absolutely means it when he says it back.

c. Address the situation in a calmly manner

You’re panicking because now the whole world knows what’s going on in your heart and it is in actual risk of breaking because he might not even feel the same! No, breathe in and out and have a calmly conversation with him where you remind him of what you said and try to find out where his head is at. The goal here is not to hear it back, it’s to know if he feels it.

The effects of not saying I love you when your partner says it

Just like saying it and not hearing it back, not saying it back to your partner when he tells you he loves you can have some effects.

a. Disappointment

Your partner may really have been looking forward to this moment and it was all planned out in their head. How you two were going to exchange these sweet words and then do something totally romantic after, you get the picture, and you not saying it back will definitely ruin the romanticism of it all and he may be well disappointed.

b. Lack of security in the relationship

We encourage talking through not saying it back with your partner because he might end up thinking that you just don't love him enough and that may lead him into not feeling secure in the relationship. Talking to him and telling him why you're not ready to say it back will help ease both your minds.

c. Calling it quits

In some extreme situations, the relationship may become really rocky after the devastating moment where you didn't say 'I love you' back and things might just hit rock bottom and your relationship comes to an end. Talking it out may help ease the situation and leave you two on common ground.


The ins and outs of saying ‘I love you’ are complicated and can be intimidating for anyone. Whether you’re a guru or a newbie because you’re putting your heart in someone else’s hands and hoping they don’t crush it. There’s no perfect way or timing to say it and you can never 100% sure that he feels the same way until you put yourself out there and risk your heart. I mean, what’s more romantic than that?

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