Things aren’t the same anymore. You fight a lot, and the issues add up instead of getting completely resolved. It’s like you don’t know her or you in the relationship anymore. It might be time to part ways.
But how do you tell her that you don’t feel the same way anymore without breaking her heart?
If you’re someone in this situation or you remember being in one but approached it a different way that made everything messy, read on for some ideas on how to end a relationship with someone without the drama – because we all hate drama.
First of all, the whole endeavor is not easy. Breaking up is hard! However, breaking up in poor form makes everything even uglier. It’s comforting to know that there are ways to end a relationship better than others and might also make her realize, “Wow, that wasn’t as I expected. He’s a really good guy.”
What to say when you are breaking up with a girl
Believe it or not, there is a format, or things you have to cover, for a breakup to be effective, precise, accurate, and less burdensome.
Honesty is key
The key to a less intense breakup is honesty. You’re already breaking up with her; you don’t want to lie why. Making yourself vulnerable and opening up to her instead of coming off as impulsive and aggressive will do wonders in delivering your message amicably.
She will sense the sincerity and truthfulness in what you’re saying and this realization will help in understanding the situation.
Below are some phrases which, if the truth, could be incorporated in your breakup:
“Our paths are going on different directions, and I don’t think it’s going to work. It will only destroy the relationship if we try to make things work.”
“Honestly, I don’t see the relationship working out in the long term. It doesn’t feel right to continue.”
“I don’t feel the same way about you like before. And I am sorry it’s become like this.”
“This relationship isn’t fulfilling my needs anymore. Things have changed, and I am not content anymore. Are you?”
Clarity is essential
Don’t overcomplicate the breakup. Keeping things at a bare minimum will save you the trouble of saying something you don’t mean, her catching up on it, and causing a bomb to explode.
If you break up over the phone, make things clear and short. Nothing you say will make things more manageable so might as well keep the punches short and direct so that you could leave her time to process things.
Sensitivity is crucial
Empathy is something that needs to be practiced during a breakup. Putting yourself in her shoes will give you the approach and words to say.
Use your knowledge of her to your advantage and customize your breakup accordingly. Make sure she’s not stressed or preoccupied when you do it and don’t drop the big news out of the blue. Break her into the breakup.
Hope is not required
You might want to remain friends with her, but she might want to get as far away from you as possible. When things have simmered down, you could ask her what she wants. Keeping her around when she clearly doesn’t is a selfish thing to do, and it will only give unwanted hope and expectation.
Timing is everything
Don’t end things impulsively. Prepare for it and time it well. If she has a big presentation coming up or a major event she’s been planning weeks for, don’t break up with her before that. You owe it to her not to.
At the same time, don’t wait too long because your relationship will not benefit if you do.
How to break up with a girl nicely without hurting her feelings
Keep it private
This goes hand in hand with sensitivity and timing because breaking up with her at the middle of dinner in a public place will only humiliate her and make you look bad. While a proposal is a public thing that tries to include as many outside forces as possible, a breakup should be kept private.
It’s between you and her. Give her a quiet and private place to receive the news and respond to it accordingly without being distracted. That way, she can grasp the whole idea better and hopefully get over the pain quicker.
Stop and ask
Given the opportunity, stop to ask how she feels, what she thinks of the situation or anything that puts the focus on her. This will let her know that you value her feelings.
“Are you still ok?” “You can stop me at any moment if you don’t understand.” “Did I understand that incident which made me consider where we are at now?”
Those are some examples of things to bring up to show that she is still part of the conversation.
When breaking up with someone, we tend to focus on ourselves trying to make everything our fault to lessen the blow, even if it wasn’t entirely your fault. Or we take the opposite path and blame everything on the other person.
For a breakup to be less painful, respect is needed.
Apologize. You will find yourself saying “I’m sorry” many times in the breakup. Yes, even though you feel like your hands are clean.
“I’m sorry if this isn’t the way you wanted things to be,” or “I’m sorry if this hurts you,” or “I know this is hard to hear” are some examples of showing her that you respect her enough to try and close things civilly.
How to break up with a girl you live with
Time it right
Breaking up with someone that you live with still incorporates the same elements with a bit more planning just because you share the same roof. From belongings to pets, to living arrangements, there are more complications to incorporate in the whole breakup ordeal.
Timing it right, in this case, would mean waiting until your lease is about to expire to avoid having to figure out who will move out or how will the expenses be split. Getting planned events like family gatherings over with before breaking up with her is also a tip to consider.
There is, however, an exception to the rule of timing it right, especially when there is abuse happening in the relationship.
You and your partner might be arguing over dinner, and suddenly you blurt out, “I want to break up with you!” which catches her off-guard and then things get messy.
This might be a poor way to initiate a breakup but either way, logistics are essential. Who will move out? What will happen to the stuff? These are some examples of logistics to tackle
People who’ve been in the same scenario also advise moving out before the breakup. While she’s out of the house, pack your stuff and then give her the news when she comes home. There is no turning back if you choose to do it this way because packed luggage and boxes and that look on your face sends a crystal clear message.
If you own the place, then you could consider giving her some money to make things easier for her to get back on her feet.
How to break up with a girl for another girl
Pick your words
This is perhaps the only case when you cannot be completely honest with her regarding all the facts. You can’t go explaining when and how you fell for another girl or what it is about her you like. Those words will only cause the person you’re talking to so much stress, anger, tears, frustration, and drama.
Pick your words for it will probably be better to omit some facts and let her give you the benefit of the doubt.
The effectivity of a relationship that is about to end because of another person is dependent on closure. You will need to completely end things with her to start fresh with the other.
It is best to stay away from your soon to be ex, unfollow in social media, and definitely not keep her around as a friend because it will only cause complications for the new girl.
When you know that you’re ready to leave that relationship, your clock starts ticking. You may have the most fool-proof speech prepared with all the back-up plans included, but at the end of the day, if you deliver your message poorly, everything will backfire.
The most important thing with a breakup is imagining how you would feel if someone was about to break up with you and taking the approach that you know would help you receive the news better.
Lastly, a breakup isn’t an activity that you can repeat, especially with the same person. It is, more often than not, a final decision. Therefore, it’s recommended to put much thought into it beforehand.