6 Tips on How to cope with partner calling off a wedding

"This wedding is not going to happen.'' Oops, that's such an awkward thing to say. I don't think anyone ever dreamt about cancelling their wedding, yet if you have doubts and see that this marriage isn't going anywhere, calling it off before it happens is the best and the smartest move.

Whether you are the one calling off the wedding, or the one that gets cancelled. Here are the things you need to minimize the damage for everyone and for everyone to get over this faster.

Calling off a wedding isn't like cancelling a hang-out plan with friends. It's huge. Some of your friends and family might already have taken days off work or even got their tickets to fly to your wedding if they're living in another state.

Simply sending out a letter to say the wedding is off may not be enough, considering some people made the effort to reserve their time for you. You should always call them personally, besides sending out a letter, to tell them this wedding is not happening and you're sorry that they reserved their time and got you presents.

One thing you don't need to do is to tell them why the wedding is off. If people ask, just simply it's personal and you will explain everything later. You don't owe an answer to them. You will have plenty of time after the wedding date to share everything. But for now, you should consider the feeling of both sides and not start pointing finger.

I know that some people argue that since the ring and gifts were given to you, they're rightfully yours now and you have no obligation to return them, granted. It sucks having to return gifts when you're not even the one cancelling it. But don't look at it at the black and white way, think about it from other people's perspective.

For the guests, they got you the gifts for the two of you starting a new life together, which is not happening now. They got you the gifts because they're expecting to see a wedding. None of which is going to realise. You don't have to return the gifts, but by all means, you really should. Do you really want to keep the gifts when you can't give the guests what you promised - a wedding?

For the ring, it's a sign of a promised future and a lifetime together. Since he no longer intends to keep that promise, it's only fair to return the ring. Sure, there's always a chance for your ex-partner to let you keep the ring as memory, but you should always ask instead of just keeping it right from the start. Or you can just pay back the money to your ex to keep the ring.

At the end of the day, you don't want to keep things that don't truly belong to you, especially when you have to split them with your ex. There's no law for you to do a certain things, but you should have a higher morality than this and return them willingly. 

Most people don't show their true colors until a few into the relationship. And some manifest their true colors when they get married. If he is too dominant over how life will be, telling you what you're supposed to do and what you can't do now. You should consider calling it off.

Starting a life with a control freak isn't healthy. He may come to you and say you two need to have children to have a complete family and that you have to stay home and care for the kids. Listen to your hearts, is he truly taking into account what you want? What if you don't want to have kids? What about your career? Do you feel pressured?

Don't get married because you feel it's the normal path people take. If you don't feel ready or he is giving you the red flag, by all means you should take the warnings and get up and leave.

This can happen for various reason. A rather common reason is that people just feel the need to get married at one point in their life, usually when they're approaching their 30s. They think it's the time to settle down and it just so happens that you're next to them when they're at this stage of life. Probably you both think you aren't truly the one for each other but are too tired or scared to continue the search since you feel the need to settle down now.

Again, some people may be content with this. But when it comes down to it, you just shouldn't marry someone you aren't 100% sure, and especially when it's just because you want to get married. You just like the idea of being married and it won't do you any good if you're marrying the wrong person.

You don't owe anyone an explaination. If you don't want to share, so be it. Just leave it and if people care about you, they will respect you. Don't feel forced to explain your reasons to them. Just let things sink it so you can deal with it on your own and only tell when you're ready.

They won't force you if they care about you. Those that do are just people looking for gossips and that gives you another reason to never share with them what happened. You should focus on your own mental health and don't need to deal with all those bullshit.

Cancelling a wedding isn't just about one text or one phone call. There're a lot to be done when you cancel a wedding, like dealing with the hosts, catering staff, priest etc. It's okay if you're not up for it. You can always outsource it to a trusted friend to do it for you. Make sure you know your limits. Don't force youself to do things that might give you another mental breakdown.

Friends and family are great because they're always our backup. Don't feel ashamed to reach out. You would've done the same for them. That's why they're here for you. Just tell them what you need and kindly ask for their help.

Things change, people change. You're not the same person you were 5 years ago, the same for him. Maybe in 10 years you two will reconnect and realise it's the time for you to be together. It happens. But when it happens you should think carefully about what happened in the past and if you see things will be different this time.

You should forgive each other by all means, but you should never forget. If all the red flags you saw 10 years ago are still here today, getting back together with him will only mean another breakup in the future, it's a different story only if you've changed your own values and now believe those aren't red flags and you're okay with them.

Apart from making sure he is the one you want now, you also need to convince yourself to ignore all the judging from people, which is likely to happen. You've made the decision and you're happy to take him back, so now you need to be happy and still absolutely sure even when people challenge you. Friends and family might try to talk you out of it, don't let them. Be sure to do what you want to do and go through with it.

There's no rule that you should or shouldn't get back together. You just need to know to protect yourself so you don't get hurt again, by the same person.

Having to cancel the wedding is no less stressful than getting stood up at the alter. All the explaination you have to do and all the things you now have to cancel and refund etc. It would be nice if both of you could do this last thing together but you never know. If he isn't willing to take any responsibility, it will be up to you to do everything.

If you see it coming that he is unstable or if your heart tells you he isn't the one, make a run before it's too late. Don't get stuck with him. It's easier said than done but you should know that leaving him is your best option. If you do get your wedding called off, follow our steps to deal with it to minimize the damage for everyone involved.