10 Signs of a Cheating Spouse to Keep a Lookout For

Keep your eyes peeled on these obvious signs of a cheating spouse.

By Sarah
10 Signs of a Cheating Spouse to Keep a Lookout For

10 Signs On What To Look For In A Cheating Spouse

Infidelity in a relationship can be soul-crushing, especially if you’ve invested a lot in the relationship and the person. No one goes into a marriage thinking anything but death-do-we-part, however, as years go by and the spark dies down people’s feelings towards their spouses may also start to change. It is essential to keep the marriage exciting, but you have to be mindful not to bear the brunt of it either. If you find out that you have been cheated on in a relationship, realize that it is not your fault, it is a conscious decision your spouse has made instead of working to better your relationship.

But how do you find out that your partner is cheating on you? What is most important here is your intuition, your gut is never wrong, but to accuse someone of cheating you need a lot more than just intuition.

According to top private investigator Tom Martin, a former federal agent who wrote a book on how to spot a cheater seeing life through private eyes, cheaters almost always follow the same pattern and so if you find any of the following signs in your spouse, it’s time to have a word with them. 

1. Extra Effort In Grooming

If you suddenly find your spouse looking dapper for no particular reason when all these years they’ve barely wanted to maintain the usual standard for grooming, something might be amiss. One of the tell-tale signs of a cheating spouse is sudden attention towards appearance, the reasons for which seem rather flimsy. Of course, if they do have a reason such as meeting high profile clients at work for which they genuinely need to make some effort, it makes sense. However, if it’s because they “just feel like it,” and the pattern has been going on for a while, they might not be as honest with you as you’d like to believe. 

2. Being Secretive

If you find that your spouse now has a password on all their devices and is taking special care not to leave their phone lying about, your suspicions might not be utterly unfounded after all. Besides, why would your spouse need a passcode all of a sudden anyway? Unless your birthday is coming up and a surprise might be on the way, they don’t have much reason to be this secretive. Some people are more particular about their privacy, but you would find that they have always been this way since you met them. In which case snooping around unnecessarily might land you in hot water with your spouse. But if this is a new development and an unwarranted one, then it might be cause for concern. 

3. Unaccounted Expenses

Spouses are usually aware of each other's spending habits, especially if they share a bank account. When you find large sums missing from your account frequently, with nothing to account for them, you have every right to ask your spouse about their new spending habits. If they can’t provide you with a satisfactory answer, you may have cause for concern. 

4. Decreased Intimacy

A fall in affection after a few years of marriage is normal. However, every couple does maintain a healthy level of sexual activity between them. If you notice a sharp decline all of a sudden, you might want to look into it. It could just be excessive work that makes your partner too tired to initiate anything. But if an uninterested cold demeanour follows this decrease in sex, and you find your spouse just not interested in you anymore, something else could be in the works. Everyone has needs, and you want to make sure your spouse isn’t looking to have them met elsewhere. 

5. Changed Demeanour

When your usually loving spouse starts acting disinterested and aloof you could have cause for concern. There could be several reasons for their changed behavior including stress about anything from work to finances or even family trouble. But if everything seems fine on all other fronts, and your spouse seems in a good mood otherwise, you might want to dig a little deeper into why they are ignoring you. A sudden change in behaviour usually has some underlying cause to it, and it’s in the best interest of your relationship if you can figure that out soon.

6. Inexplicable Absence

When your spouse starts to stay out later than usual and is generally absent from home for no particular reason other than “work,” something else might be going on the side. Of course, sometimes everyone does have to work overtime, but a promotion usually follows. Or your spouse's coworkers should also follow a similarly busy schedule. In which case, their absence is entirely understandable. But if this extra workload has just come out of nowhere and seems odd, you might want to check up on it. 

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7. His Friends Start Behaving Differently

If your partner is cheating on you, chances are his friends know. Infidelity is too big a secret to carry all alone. If your spouse is straying, he has probably confided in some of his friends. Those friends know how unfairly your spouse is treating you, but either don't want to interfere in such a personal matter or don’t want to rat out their friend. Either way, this secret will make them act differently around you. If you pick up on such signals, along with a few of the other points mentioned here, you should look into the matter more. 

8. Missing Jealous Streak

Everyone has a jealous streak when it comes to their partner. The intensity, though, varies from person to person. When you find that your spouse’s attitude has taken a 180-degree turn and they seem much more open about the relationship than they ever were, this should raise a few red flags in your mind. If you find your spouse is suddenly saying things like “that cute cashier keeps staring at you,” or “our hot neighbor totally has a thing for you,” you must give pause. 

9. Overly Defensive

Communication is key in any relationship, and the first step you should take if something doesn’t seem right is to talk to your spouse. However, if your spouse is evasive or unnecessarily defensive when confronted, there might be something they’re trying to hide from you. Think the situation over and if your intuition tells you that the response you got to your questions was unwarranted, listen to your gut. 

10. Someone Else's Scent

Infidelity almost always leaves some trace, it could be someone else’s scent on your spouse’s clothing, or a stray hair or lipstick mark on the collar that you know didn’t come from you, or the dead give away which is an article of clothing that doesn’t belong to you. If you find any of these on your spouse, he might not have been as honest with you as he would like you to believe. 

Dealing With A Cheating Spouse In A Relationship

Though being cheated on is one of the worst things to happen to anyone, it doesn’t necessarily mean the end of a relationship. It depends entirely upon you if you want to give your partner another chance or not. People have been known to have come out of this tragedy stronger and more united, part of the reason for this is because the situation makes you stop and analyze your relationship properly. Asking your partner and yourself some hard questions such as what went wrong? And how could this have been prevented? Is imperative to moving on.

However, if you don’t think there is anything your partner can do to regain your trust, it is best not to pursue reconciliation at all. Focus instead on moving on and finding peace for yourself. Having your spouse cheat on you can wreak havoc on one’s self-esteem and mental peace. Give yourself ample time and love to recover from the incident and go for therapy if you feel the need.


Even if your partner isn’t displaying any of the tell-tale signs of infidelity, or can give a reasonably satisfactory explanation for your doubts, your gut feeling is hardly ever wrong, and it would serve you well to listen to yourself. Marriage is built upon mutual trust and respect, and lack of either of those means trouble in paradise. If you feel you’re not happy in a relationship, or are unable to fully trust your partner, work on the relationship instead of sweeping your problems under the rug. Couples therapy is an excellent way to better one's relationship and address problems in a marriage in a respectful way. Be mindful of your spouse’s needs and make sure yours are well taken care of as well. 

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