He Broke My Heart: 8 Things To Do When Love Hurts

Heartbreaks are always hurtful, you feel like someone punch you in the heart. You go through many emotions and, sometimes, for a very long time. When you have a broken heart because he, out of nowhere, decided he didn't want to be with you anymore, your system gets an inevitable shock because everything you've become accustomed suddenly is shaken up.

Immediately, the questions start to pop, what went wrong, what you could have done differently, why aren't you good enough for him, why he doesn't care. You torture yourself with so many questions and you wonder if you're ever going to heal from the heartache. 

The good news is that your heart will mend, eventually. Women who are now on the other side will tell you that it's not going to be easy but it will happen. We know that right now, you don't feel like it and that these words are not really comforting and OK, a broken heart really sucks and it'll feel like that for some time, but you will get through it.

Don't be so hard on yourself. It won't change anything and it will definitely won't help with the healing process. You want to stop feeling like your world crumble, right? There are some things you can do to get over your heart being broken by that careless guy.

Here is some actionable advice so you can stop feeling hurt by unrequited love. Remember this next you want to cry your eyes out over him.

You're human so let the pain flow. We live in a time where there are lots of "distractions" to makes us not feel the pain but that won't help your broken heart. Let those raw emotions come out, it's really important that you do. Your body (not just your heart) can feel the pain, so by finding a safe place to let go, you're allowing your body to rid itself from the pain and the hurt. 

This is the healthy way of healing your heart, by showing emotion, by embracing it (not by running away and hiding what you're feeling). By allowing your pain to flow, you're dealing with it and then you can start to heal, otherwise, it will make a reappearance where you least expect it (an not in a healthy way).

If he didn't get how amazing you are, he was not the right one for you. The right guy is going to do everything in his power to not lose the opportunity to be with you, and most importantly, he's not going to hurt you intentionally and act like it was your fault. He's going to take special care of your heart because form him your happiness will be his priority. 

Remember that you are not unlovable (he might have said some nasty things when he broke up with you), it's just that he's a jerk and when you stop hurting, you're going to realize it. So, good ridance!

You may feel like you're all alone with this pain, but the truth is that you're not. Not only you aren't the first to experience a broken heart, but also there are many people out there that are willing to give you support in these difficult times. So reach out to family and friends, you can even recruit a person or two that you know will be there for you when you most need them. 

You can state up front what you'll need from them. You need them for reassurance (yes, everything sucks right now, but we promise that it'll get better), to stop you when you feel the urge to call or text him; or to assist you to look for help moving forward. Don't isolate yourself. 

It's good that you spend some time working with your emotions, but eventually, you'll need a break. Take that break and do something different, something funny, something exciting. New experiences can help your brain release a dose of much-needed oxytocin (the feel-good hormone) and during a heartbreak, you'll need extra doses. What can you do? Learn a new language, go to the gym or go take a run. Explore new places, enjoy the outside through a lens. Go visit friends or family and give them a hug.

Just be careful what kind of distraction you choose. It has to be a good one for your body and your soul, getting wasted every night or acting out, will in the long run, self-destruct you not heal you.

We've established that breakups suck, right? He broke your heart by ending the relationship when you thought everything was OK and shattered all your hopes about a future together. The worst thing is that you still love him, and that lingering relationship wound is not going to let you move forward. How do you get over someone you still love? How do you stop loving him? 

Again, it's not easy but if you give it time and you follow this advice, you'll get there.

Ok, you still love him but there's got be something that he did or something about him that hurt you more than the actual break up. This deep examination of his flaws is not for you to grow to hate him (that's not healthy), it's so you'll be able to recognize that he was not the best option for you, and that can help you to start getting over him.

This will help you gain a perspective beyond your feelings about why the break up was actually a good thing for you. So, start writing a list of reasons why he's not right for you, use specific examples (what he said, what he did, or what he didn't say or didn't do).

Sharing every piece of all the frustration and all the awful pieces of the breakup can help you unload but it's not going to help you get over him. That's what your girls are there for right? To provide an eager ear to all your bitching and whining about him but what you'll get from them (validation and support) is not going to really help you make sense of things.

So you'll do better by explaining from the beginning that yes, you two have broken up but that you're not ready to talk about it. You'll change the focus of the conversation because now your friends will be more interested in knowing how you're holding up and they can provide the support you need. 

Some women would think that a hook up could help them get over him, it may work as a distraction but there's the risk that you'll start dating someone without really being over your ex. That rebound scenario will not make you stop loving him, it will not make the pain go away, you're at risk of feeling more lonely. Besides this other guy could get hurt and why would you want to cause someone else the same hurt that your feeling?

Don't jump right into the dating pool, wait until your heart is really mended.

Mourn the loss of your love for as long as you need, it's totally OK. Be patient and kind to yourself during this process. Being hurt by someone you love is not something you can undo, it happened so it's very important that you treat yourself with the utmost care, your heart needs kind words in order to heal. Take a breath and keep going. 

In the aftermath of a broken heart, one question that inevitably comes to your mind is How long does it take to get over him? How long will I endure this broken heart? The impulse to do speed up the process is very natural, but the truth is that it takes a while. There is no magic number, (although some people talk about 6 weeks), there may be some similarities in how we feel when a relationship ends, but each story is unique and every person mourns differently.

There are some factors that can influence the process of healing the heart that he broke.

Relationships and breakups are more complicated than saying to yourself: "I'm the victim and he's the bad guy" (it probably is true in this case) but is not that simple. Do a reflection on what really happened, and this new perspective can help you move on.

All that worrying about not finding someone new or "one like him", after your break up will prevent you from moving on. You have to tell yourself that you're on a new path, a better path to find a better love. Keep that goal in mind so your recovery can move along.

It's tempting to blame yourself for all the things that went wrong in the relationship, but that doesn't help you. Instead take some time every day to appreciate yourself, to pamper your heart and your mind, so that a sense of goodwill will come your way. Engage in self-loving habits like a good night sleep, exercising, hooking up with friends and family, getting out of town on a quick vacation. All those things can help you get over him in less time than you think. 

Breakups are tough and they suck, but they could also be an opportunity to grow and they can show you where you were abandoning yourself. You probably, during the relationship, forgot to take care of yourself, to practice self-love? Well, this is a great time to put attention on YOU. This is how you can do it. 

You need to do things that are going to reawaken your confidence, things that can make you remember that you are unique and amazing. So indulge in things that you enjoy doing (new hobby, new project, travels). All this is going to keep your levels of stress down and will keep your spirits high.

Don't drown all your emotions by engaging in unhealthy habits like drinking, food, tv, sex, etc. You'll only escape for a while but in the long run, they don't help you. Focus on doing things you enjoy, things that make you feel happy and healthy.

You need to communicate with others, don't isolate yourself. Talking about what happened helps heal too. Even if you don't find answers, being social can help you keep your mind off the breakup.

Easier said than done because it'll take time to be in the right frame of mind to do this but try to find the positive things about the relationship so you can turn it into a learning experience.

And remember that building your confidence again will take time, so be patient because you'll get there.

Getting over a broken heart is one of the very hard things to do, especially if you were already foreseeing a future with him. The temptation of blaming yourself for the breakup is strong but you need to resist it and change your story so you can start the healing process. You need to acknowledge your emotions and be patient because there's is light at the end of the tunnel and you'll get there.