5 Questions To Ask When Preparing For Marriage
Marriage is one of the most beautiful and amazing steps that you can take to cement your relationship. As much as it has its own share of misfortunes, marriage is a rite of passage that many people take to be important and a symbol of the longevity of their relationship. Before committing yourself to this bond, you have to be sure that the person whom you are getting married to be the person you really want to spend the rest of your life with without any hesitation.
If you are thinking about committing your life to another person till death do you part, it may be helpful to contemplate some issues that can frequently drive you to the edge in your long term relationship. That is why you need to ask these five questions when you are preparing for a wedding.
1. How do we individually and collectively handle stress?
Ever wondered how your partner reacts to stressful situations like being stuck in traffic or when they haven’t had enough sleep for days? Often the romantic period of the relationship doesn’t shed much light on such issues because you both are trying to put the best foot forward. This makes the early days sweeter but it denies you a glimpse of what your partner is really like under pressure. Marriage life can bring a lot of pressure especially when you are both are fond of each other. It is even more important to know how you collectively handle stress together. Whether you isolate, retreat, bottle things up or connect to solve things together.
2. What are our thoughts about having kids and how certain are we?
This is another common issue that can lead to huge misunderstandings if not settled right at the beginning of the relationship. Everyone has their opinion about whether or not to have kids and this should openly be discussed and clarified before getting married.
3. How much do we involve other people in our relationship?
When getting married, you should set grounds on how far is too far when it comes to how much private business should be spread to other friends and family. Keeping an emotional intimacy with friends and family can be a good thing especially for those people who are in a controlling relationship. There is no right or wrong answer regarding how much information you share about your relationship because that depends on both of you. The more you are on the same page, the better off.
4. How are things in the bedroom?
When some couples may choose to wait until after marriage before becoming sexually intimate, it is important to have the conversation that will bring you to a mutual understanding. In the early stages of the relationship, sex is normally good. For many couples, sex patterns seem to change with time. That is why it is important to discuss matters such as sex drive, attitude, initiations, etc. between the partners.
5. How will we handle our finances?
Money plays a major role in our lives whether married or not. It is a key element that can either bind or break relationships. From different spending styles to how big a house to buy, these are issues that can cause conflicts if not addressed when preparing for marriage. Money is tied up with all sorts of physical, mental and even emotional importance. The more you talk about it, the more honest you will be with each other and therefore building a better foundation for your marriage.
Recommended Books on Marriage All Couples Should Read
1. The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
This is one book that has helped many couples survive marriage. It is one that helps couples understand each other and communicate more clearly with each other.
2. Toxic In-Laws by Susan Forward
This book is a must buy for anyone who is dealing with over controlling in-laws. While you can't change them, reading this book with your partner will teach you some coping mechanisms and communication techniques that will help you reclaim your relationship.
3. Marriage Rules by Harriet Lerner
Just think of these as marriage tips. There are over a hundred rules which are written in a way that is logical, practical and easy to digest. Reading this with your spouse will initiate some conversations that can help set guidelines for a successful marriage.
4. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman
This book is filled with advises as well as questionnaires and exercises that you can do with your partner. These may help you improve your relationship both as a couple and improve your friendship too.
How to Prepare For Marriage Physically
Before you get married, you have to strengthen the marriage even before it starts. It is not advisable to dive in without building a foundation for your marriage life. It is important to know your spouse’s interests and likings in the early stages of your relationship.
- Establish your principals and accept each other’s differences. You also need to understand each other’s feelings regarding different issues.
- Find a mentor couple which is older and more experienced to provide wisdom and support you as you are about to begin your journey together.
- Start thinking of “we” instead of “me” because when you get married, you enter a partnership and it will be of great help when you start being a team earlier.
- Learn to communicate effectively and efficiently. This skill involves speaking respectfully and non-reactive listening. Communication involves both verbal and non-verbal communication such as body language, gestures and facial expressions.
How to Prepare For Marriage Financially
For a long and happy marriage, it is important to ensure that you are in a healthy financial state to avoid later misunderstandings.
- Build an emergency fund to overcome the tidal wave of incoming expenses that arise with getting married such as buying a house and babies. Having this will save you from worrying later in your marriage.
- Know how much each of you spends in a month. This will help you plan out a budget and know where you both can cut back or invest in. In doing so, you will be cultivating for a healthy marriage and you can spend your life together in a positive way.
- Consider your debt situation. Before getting married, you should work towards paying up your debts to avoid bringing financial baggage to your spouse. You do not have to be debt free but the amount should be manageable such that it doesn’t act as a constraint in your marriage. You are also supposed to discuss it with your partner before marriage so that you can both be on the same page.
Emotional Preparation for a Marriage
Marriage can be an extremely rocky terrain if you are not prepared for it. There are some things that can happen to shatter you emotionally and that is why it is always important to be emotionally prepared before getting into marriage.
- Understand that change is bound to happen. Since change is inevitable, you should be ready to accept it when it happens. When you know this, it will be easier to cope and in turn make things easier.
- To avoid being emotionally hurt, you have to understand that both of you are different and unique. Learn to respect those differences and sooner or later you will find the beauty in the uniqueness of your partner.
- Learn to communicate with your spouse in order to express your emotions. Don't bottle up what you are feeling because you will be making one-sided judgments. Communicate and understand each other's point of view.
Being at a point in life where you are looking forward to marriage is breathtaking. You should really enjoy every minute of it. Before getting married to the partner of your dreams, take time to get yourself prepared. There is no rush into it. Plan for your marriage life long before the marriage takes place. Understand the kind of person your partner is and learn to appreciate their differences. Accept their shortcomings and learn to communicate with your partner. Take time to develop the essential qualities, cultivate the necessary skills and learn to ask the right questions. This is the work of a lifetime but the good news is that you don’t have to be perfect in everything to get into the game.