20 Signs An Emotional Affair Is Ruining Your Marriage

When we are not able to connect with our partner we tend to get into an emotional affair with someone else. Identify the signs and save your marriage.

By Sanchari
20 Signs An Emotional Affair Is Ruining Your Marriage

Emotional affair on the rise

Is it possible to have an emotional affair without one’s knowledge? Yes, it is possible. How? If you are thinking that if you are having an affair with someone, then how come you are not aware of the fact! The problem with an emotional affair is that we get into this kind of a relationship without our knowledge. When we realize that we might be getting into something serious, it is already late. We have already started connecting with that person more than our partner. Physical attraction is a clear indication of straying from a committed relationship, but an emotional affair is difficult to spot right at the beginning. You don’t feel guilty when you start sharing your thoughts with someone other than your partner.

....And NO they don't! #sidechick #singlelife #THOTS

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Nothing wrong with an emotional affair

No one ever feels guilty of having an emotional affair because we don’t consider an emotional affair as cheating on your partner. What’s wrong with sharing common interests or emotional thoughts? You will think to yourself that your significant other is not interested in having a conversation about things you like. So, what’s wrong if you share what you feel like with someone else? You are sharing your thoughts and sitting across a table, and you are not going under the sheets with them. But, hold your thoughts right there. How do you define cheating? If you are sharing your bed with someone other than your partner, then only you will consider it is cheating? Don’t you think your partner should be the one with whom you should be sharing your deepest and darkest secrets? If he is not interested or if he has stopped you from sharing your thoughts with him once or twice, citing some reason, then it doesn’t mean that you will find someone else to share all your feelings. Does this mean that you will text him when your significant other is asleep? Technology helps us in staying connected with people we love, but it has a flip side to it as well. Nowadays, through texting we can convey our message to anybody we like and our partner won’t even get a tip of it as long as we keep deleting the message. Here lies the catch. If you think you are not doing anything wrong in sharing your feeling with a third person, then texting won’t stop automatically, when you see your significant other nearby, right? But, if you are in an emotional affair, then you will see yourself doing just that. In case, you have started doing it in front of your partner; then it is a sign that you are getting into an emotional affair. Yes, you are actually cheating on your partner. The emotional affair also counts as “Cheating.” No matter how much you try to defend yourself by saying that the third person is just a casual friend and you don’t intend to break away from the current relationship, the truth of the matter is that you have strayed from your current relationship. You are seriously involved with someone on an emotional level. Whether you like it or not, you will have to admit that you are part of the infidelity. If you are having thoughts about your relationship status, then it is better that you go through the 20 signs to determine for yourself whether you are having an emotional affair and whether it is ruining your marriage or not!

1. Stopped sharing intricacies – signs of straying

When one is involved with someone emotionally, then the person is already sharing everything with them, and there is no need to share details with their partner anymore. Their emotional need is being met by someone else other than their partner. They don’t feel the need to share the intricacies of their life with their partner. If their partner coaxes too much, then they get irritated with the same because they don’t have anything left to share.

Just trying to help someone out! #emotionalcheating #dontignorethesigns #intuition #loveandstuff

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2. Physical detachment also creeps in

When your partner is drifting away from you emotionally, then it will also lead to physical detachment. It happens slowly, but steadily. You and your partner will not be that active physically when both of you don’t connect emotionally. When you are in a relationship, emotional and physical attachment, both are important. You cannot stay faithful if one of them goes missing.

3. Texting – signs of an emotional affair

The biggest proof that a person is having an emotional affair is when he /she is hiding his / her phone from their significant other and is always keeping an eye on their phone so that they can check the message as soon as they arrive in their inbox. A person hides the phone or deletes the messages because deep down they know what they are doing is not right. They are not ready to term it infidelity as they are not involved with the other person physically, but somehow they also realize that emotionally they are drifting away.

#emotionalcheating 4 anyone who needs to know.. You're very welcome!

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4. Sharing personal details

Have you ever shared details about your married life with someone and cried about how you are stuck in this relationship? If you have done that, then it is one of the signs that you are having an emotional affair with someone. Taking out time to share your emotional thoughts with someone even late at night is not a typical thing to do. You are not sharing your miseries with just a friend. Instead, you are connecting with someone on an emotional level and whether you like it or not, but you are having an affair.

5. Your thoughts are pre-occupied

It might seem harmless when you are talking to someone and discussing your personal details with them, but if their thoughts are all over your mind and you just cannot shrug off their thoughts, then it is definitely one of the signs of having an emotional affair.


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6. First person to call

We generally share our good news with the people we are connected to and who are really important. When we were unmarried, our first calls went to our parents and siblings, but after marriage, it is generally our spouse whom we call first to share our news. Now, if instead of your spouse, you are calling someone else to share the good or bad news, then what will you have to say about it? Simple friendship? If it is so, then why he/she is the first person who came to your mind instead of your spouse? Do you have an answer to it? No, because you are having an emotional affair and even before you realized, that person had become an important part of your life.

7. Complaining about your spouse

Yes, we sometimes do complain about our spouse in front of friends and family, but that is only when we are really upset about something that they have done or not done. Are you complaining about how your spouse is not able to meet your emotional and physical need, to someone special? If you are nodding your head in affirmation, then it is one of the signs that you are already into an emotional affair. You are trying to gain their sympathy by letting them know that you are in an unhealthy relationship. It is a clear sign of getting attached to that person on an emotional level.

8. Spending time alone

You make excuses to spend some time together in a place where nobody is going to disturb you. You will find yourself making an effort to get his undivided attention. Social media has made it easier for people to stay in touch and connect with each other even when they are miles away, and the best part is that they provide the utmost privacy that one craves for.

9. Seek outside thrills - sign of infidelity

There comes a time in every relationship when partners take each other for granted. Many grabs this opportunity to justify their infidelity. But, don’t you think that it is the time when you should be working with each other and bring that passion back into your married life, rather than straying away and finding solace in someone else’s words or arms?

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10. Avoiding intimacy with your partner

If you are not attached to your partner emotionally anymore, then you won’t feel like getting intimate with them. You will find excuses to stay away from them.

11. Expectation not met

One person cannot meet all our expectation, and that is the truth about life. But, the problem is that we can’t keep a tab on our expectation, and when they fail to live up to our expectation we feel disappointed. Our disappointment leads us to think that our partner is not best suited for us and someone else might be able to live up to our expectation. This thought leads to infidelity. We stop appreciating our partner’s effort and look outside our current relationship with the right person.

12. Start lying

You have already started hiding things from your partner, and that is making them all the more suspicious about you. When they are probing further you are lying to them, so why do you think you are lying? Isn’t it one of the signs of having an emotional affair?

13. The attitude changes

When someone is getting into a relationship outside marriage or their current relationship, then their attitude towards their spouse changes a lot. You will start using languages and words that you have never used before. It is mainly the reflection of what the other person in your life is saying to you when you are complaining about your problem. So, in a way you are admitting to having an emotional affair.

14. The game of comparison

Sometimes we all take names or compare our partner with someone else, but if this habit is being practiced regularly, then it is one of the signs of having an emotional affair and in one way you are trying to evaluate your partner’s ability as compared to the other person.

15. Always on your mind

There is not a single second when you do not think about the person. They are on your mind from morning until the time you go to sleep, and you will still deny the charges of infidelity against you?

16. Understanding is better

You have a feeling that this person understands you better than your spouse. Therefore, your attachment increases manifold towards him/her.

17. Your time is entirely theirs

The time that was supposed to be spent with your partner is now being spent with him/her. You are all ears to him/her and completely ignoring your partner. If this is what you have been doing lately, then you are in an emotional affair.

18. Obsessed with new find attachments

You are trying everything to adjust their time with yours. You are making every effort to stay input with them, and when you are successful in doing so, you get butterflies in your stomach.

19. Staying in touch

If you are not with him/her physically, then you are on your phone chatting with him/her. So, basically, you are always with this person through texting, emails, chats, calls, or through some other media.

20. Neglecting your spouse

At a party, if you are leaving your partner to tend their needs and completely ignoring your partner, then it is a clear sign that you are in an emotional affair with this person whether you admit it or not.

Final thoughts

Emotional affair starts with being friends and then turn into something serious. So, before it starts ruining your marriage, it is important that you mend your ways. Marriages hit rock bottom when you start ignoring your spouse for someone else either physically or emotionally.