The Comfort Zone Of Being In A Relationship
As humans, relationships are one of our most basic forms of interaction and self-expression, they provide a platform for personal growth, self-development, and evolution. Relationships bring out the best and the worst in us, sometimes they build us and at other times they break us. Regardless of who you are, or where you’re from, you’re bound to go through ups and downs in your relationship at some point. It is the natural order of things, all healthy relationships face challenges. However, the manner in which you handle these challenges will determine your quality of life and personal growth.
At the beginning of every relationship, you have plans and expectations on how things will unfold but unfortunately, as time goes by, things don’t go as expected. You start trying to rewrite your love story without even realizing, you make excuses, justify unreasonable actions, put a spin on things and hold on to what you think you have. You get comfortable in this vicious cycle, you’re stuck, normally, leaving any relationship is difficult and leaving a bad one is even harder, it takes courage, strength, and resourcefulness to step out of your relationship comfort zone and let go.
Deep down things don’t feel right but somehow you convince yourself to hold on, maybe because of the benefits: companionship, money, routine, appearances, physical intimacy, etc. But the truth is things and benefits can never truly fulfill you, they only provide temporary comfort.
Identify The 10 Denial Reasons You Give Yourself When You Don't Love Him Anymore
1. It’s Better Than Being Single
For some people being single is out of the question, they’d rather be in a toxic relationship than be alone. You cling to the hope that things will get better if you hold on long enough but the truth is it only gets worse. The fear of being single is a sign of insecurity that you must address. Learn to love yourself enough to leave when you’ve done all you can but it still isn’t working.
2. We have been together for a long time
This is one of the main reasons people stay in a relationship the know has run its course. The two of you have known each other since childhood, you know everything about each other and can even finish each other’s sentences. All this could be a good thing for a long term relationship but when things get ugly it could also be bad because you know how to hurt each other and what buttons to press to set the other person off. When your love turns to repeated hate, end the relationship amicably and move on.
"He is a Good Man..."
Despite what they’re going through most women stay in a toxic relationship because they convince themselves that a guy is a good person deep down and that if you continue to show them, love, they’ll turn around and do the same to you but this is hardly ever the case.
3. He will change for the better
The number one reason why we stay in a toxic relationship is that we believe the other person will change. We think that if we put in the extra effort, show them more love, they will come around. But if they don't want to change they won't. There is not a thing you could ever do to force a person to change. It is time to simply let go and move on.
4.Fear of regrets
People tend to hold on to what we already have by instinct and relationships are no different. Women especially, feel like they have to carry the burden of their relationship no matter how toxic it gets. If you feel like things have become unbearable and you have doubts whether to leave or stay, the best course of action is to seek advice from someone neutral, an external source who can evaluate the situation without bias. A therapist, for example, will tell you if your relationship is causing you more harm than good.
''Change is scary''
We're all afraid of the unknown, no one enjoys the feelings of uncertainty that come with taking a leap of faith but it has to be dealt with. It's OKAY to be scared as long as it doesn't stop you from doing what needs to be done. And you'll be surprised, instead of falling you might actually fly.
5. You’re afraid of change
Many people stay in a bad relationship because they are afraid of the unknown, they keep asking themselves ‘’What if…?’’ and can not find the courage to step out of their not so comfort zone into the unknown. Even change is scary it could open the door to a whole new world for you. Change comes with lots of surprises and it could end up being the greatest adventure of your life.
6. I can’t do better
You tell yourself you’re not good enough, you don’t deserve better and you’ll never find anyone better so you decide to hold on to your relationship despite the odds. Rest assured there are lots of opportunities waiting for you out there if only you take a leap of faith and face your fears.
7. We have children together
A split is always harder on children so it’s understandable why no parent will want to put their kids through such an ordeal, but the truth is staying in a bad relationship could end up causing more damage to your children than a separation ever could. No one likes to change children and adults feel lost after a breakup in their routine but you’ll all adapt with time. Seek all the help you can get from family, friends, therapists and legal professionals as you make the transition.
‘‘I have a lot to lose’’
8. We have built a life together
The two of you bought a house together, furnished it, co-signed a lease, got a dog or started a business together and then the relationship turned sour. You wish you could leave but there’s a lot of tying you together so you stay. Walking away means giving up on everything you’ve built over the years but staying hurts too. You feel trapped and believe there’s no way out, the best option is to try to break up amicably and bring in a third party to help with splitting what you own together.
9. I am financially comfortable
Financial security is another common reason why you’ll stay in a relationship even though it has gone sideways. Women especially are prone to this, because you are financially insecure and depend on your partner for financial support, you end up believing cutting loose is not an option. You’re in denial because you don’t think you can survive on your own. But this isn’t necessarily true, you could learn a new skill, go back to school, start a small business and build yourself up financially.
10. We’re already committed
When you’re engaged or seriously committed you wouldn’t want to stir up things, you may be preparing for a wedding or maybe both of your families are excited about your future union and you don’t want to disappoint them, you convince yourself to accept things the way they are, hoping they’ll get better when you get married or with time. In all honesty, things will hardly ever get better, they’ll even be much more difficult if you have to get a divorce instead of simply breaking off an engagement.
A relationship or a romantic connection should bring you happiness, growth, fulfillment, freedom, and inner peace. If one or both of you stop growing or being happy then there’s a problem. You may have lost sight of what’s important or you’re blinded by your emotions and the comfort of your relationship. You may no longer be able to be objective or have decided to shut the voice of reason.
However, holding onto a relationship that has run its course is merely delaying the inevitable and hurting yourself in the process. You’re in denial of how bad the situation is and believe you can cope with things as they are but this never works. What you should be doing is breaking out of your comfort zone no matter how hard it is and spreading your wings, that the only way you learn how to fly.