Are You Constantly Unhappy In Your Marriage?
Starting with a positive note, not every marriage is bad and bound to end. Most are beautiful and last a lifetime of happiness and joy. So let's not jump to the one very highlighted conclusion of marriages, that it's meant to be broken. BUT there are also some issues in marriage that just stick on like a disease. No matter how many prescriptions you get, you'll end up chronically sick.
So how can you tell you have this kind of sickness? It's unhappy for you. Only you can be the judge of your mood, day to day emotional stressors and downers. And what more indication you need when you're always in a gloomy mood, even good weather can't cheer you up, talking to friends doesn't help, you're giving so less time to yourself, your health, your hobbies. When all this is happening, you realize, what's the point of having a life partner when you're still this sad? You feel so helpless with your man, it's like he's not even trying to listen to you, understand your feeling. If he can't do that, then he definitely can't make your life make a happy turn.
Tests To Check If You Are Truly Unhappy With Your Marriage
1. The physical symptoms
You can look out for the changes in body language both of you have. It might seem as if you're actually suffering from a disease like depression where you will experience backaches, constipation, and diarrhea alternating. Also, people who are this disturbed by their marriages, are always anxious and fatigued. This troubles them sleeping too causing insomnia.
2. Mood swings
One sign of an unhappy marital life is that one of you is always in a really bad mood. One day you're upset at him and the next he is shouting for no reason. There's no way that's a healthy way of marriage. You can test this by being very tolerant even if he's being an ass, and check if he's still the same grumpy old him.
3. You prefer spending time elsewhere
Whether it's your girlfriends or browsing some hotshot men over the internet, you want to keep yourself distracted and away from home. The whole unhappy marriage's negative vibe becomes so suffocating that you would rather spend your time somewhere else than home.
4. You miss the old you
You start longing for your life before this constant emotional trauma when you were genuinely happy, there was a sense of freedom. It wasn't like this overdose of sad potion. If you're spending most of your time missing your old self, then there's no way you can focus om the present.
5. Do you fantasize escaping?
Do you ever find yourself daydreaming about leaving him one day? Except for facing the problem head-on, you will think of leaving and running away as the more convenient solution. And when you're in this destructive relationship, everything is only going to make you want to just leave and never come back again.
6. The sex doesn't even matter now
The one thing you might think will hold a relationship together no matter what is sex. But little do people know is that sex also needs that spark and passion to make it worthwhile. Other than the feeling, even if a couple is having sex regularly, you cannot judge the happiness of a marriage based on that.
Test by Dr. Phil
Here's a quick by the famous website to assess your status in marriage.
10 Things You Can Do To Get Out Of An Unhappy Marriage
It's not easy crying yourself to bed every single night and then waking up to the same old misery. You cannot handle the negativity for so long and you definitely shouldn't have to either.
1. Create a plan
You cannot think of making such a big decision without proper planning and work up. Take it like a mission, to set you free of course. What will you do once you tell him? Do you have a place to stay? Have you ever survived independently? All these scary questions are not there to scare you, they're just a heads up to make you realize what measures you need when you get separated. Without an effective plan, you can't go two miles on your own and this is just positive advice, not a setback.
2. Set a goal
Don't just think of leaving him, you're getting this one chance of getting happy so make most of it. After escaping that toxic marriage, there will be lots you'll have to do for yourself to regain your positivity and mental peace. Get some training in your favorite field of work, go to school if that's what you desire, you can get a part-time job too. This new independent you are going to take care of herself, so set some goals.
3. Let people know
It's okay if you don't want to broadcast your unhappy marriage and the fact you're finally leaving it. But it's not advisable to go through it all alone. Everybody needs social help at some point, whether it's a friend or a family member. If anything goes wrong, or you get abused in your marriage, you can always tell the local authorities. Let someone know.
4. Save money
If you're not much of a saver, start now. You can't expect to survive in the modern world society without a good financial background. This one step is very important for you because this time you're doing it alone and not by your partner's help. Divorce lawyers can help you get your deserved assets too.
5. Cut off communication from him
Divorce matters aside, you're not supposed to talk or have any sort of communication from him now. You don't have to tolerate anymore abusive or harsh words from him anymore because you're not bound to. If you have children, only those discussions concerning him should be done, in a professional manner. Toxic people have a way of words, don't let them lure you in.
6. Stay resolute
If you gave finally decided, stay firm on your decision. That time when you're about to tell him, there can be a lot of things he can say or do to you that might change your mind. But don't fall for that. Think of this as an opportunity to finally break off from this toxic life. You've put a lot of thought into this decision so it must be important. A lot of other people will try to advise you otherwise and make all your thoughts doubtful. But it's your job to take account of the things that matter to you the most, not the world.
7. Prepare for the worst
Nobody said it was going to be easy. When you're waiting for the final steps of divorce, accept all the challenges you're going to face. If you give up the first day, then you can't expect to do anything further for yourself. Remember that you did once live alone. Just because you got used to living with someone and being dependant, doesn't mean you can't live on your own again. It'll be like an adventure of your own.
8. Seek professional help
There will come times when you'll be so doubtful of your decisions, for that you can go for counseling. Confide in support groups or visit your regular therapist to vent it all out when you feel down. You also need to take a step back every once in a while and reflect on your progress and further steps.
For this, if you have professional help, go for it. Make yourself comfortable and easy whenever you get the chance.
9. Rejuvenate yourself
This is your life and you deserve to live it to the fullest. Bring back all those things to your life that you couldn't in your unhappy marital life. All those hobbies you missed out on, working on a personal project. Go on that trip you always wanted to, get a pet, start writing, painting or whatever that makes you happy. The moment you start loving yourself, you've got the hang of it.
10. Hope changes everything
Being depressed was what you've been feeling all that time with him. So why be sad when you're finally getting away? There sure are ups and downs but it's YOU who will decide where your life goes now. Be hopeful. As they say, you attract what you think.
Once you choose hope, anything’s possible. -Christopher Reeve
A bad marriage can have such toxic effects on your life that leave you totally abandoned, unloved and heartbroken. Even if you think you can try your best and keep the marriage intact, there's a high chance you'll end up destroying your inner peace and mind. So it's better to relieve yourself from that trapped box of unfaithfulness and misery and make your life well again.