How to Deal With a Boring Husband (And Make Things Exciting)
People change. Sometimes it feels like you're married to someone completely different after years of marriage. Your fun-loving, out-going, witty husband became the boring, logical, stable guy that frustrates you. It's not like it's bad to be stabel and trust-worthy. It just...lacks the excitment and the flames start to dim away.
Sounds like your dilemma? Don't give up just yet. There're plenty of ways to ignite the flames and and make things exciting again.
1. Give hints to new activities
Don't accuse him of being boring even though you may be wanting to say it for long. Putting it out there like that doesn't solve the issue and will only root the seeds of dissatisfaction. You don't leave him with much of a choice by telling him he is boring. Even if he wants to initiate something, he is so used to this lifestyle that it will be hard for him to come up with something that satisfies you.
You must at least have an idea in mind, about the activities you want to do. Give him hints that this marriage hasn't been as exciting as you'd hoped, and that it will be great if you could do certain things together. Remember to drop hints only without accusing him of anything.
2. Prepare some surprises
Get some roses on the bed, prepare a nice dinner and pick a movie for date night. Wait until he comes home like it's a normal day and surprises him. Be the first to initiate. Show him it's fun to plan something to surprise your partner in the sweetest ways possible.
3. Take initiatives
Don't sit and pout all day long, try to take the initiative and talk to him, suggest some fun activities to do together. Never scream or yell at him because he is not doing what you want. Be brave and patient to take up the initiative for a fun relationship.
4. Learn to enjoy activities by yourself
Don't underestimate the power of learning to enjoy some alone time. Sometimes we put our expectations and hopes so high that whatever the other person does, we are still disappointed. If we could just take a step back to look at things from a broader perspective, we can see that a lot of times, it's not the other person's fault, it's just that we are demanding too much.
You never know if you're one of those people unless you try to take some time off, be by yourself. Learn to spend time alone, once you get the hang of it, you will see some alone time is fun and you will stop complaining that your husband is boring all day long.
5. Introduce him to fun friends
Watch and learn, watch and learn. That's always the key to success. You always have a few fun friends around if you're an exciting person. Pick a few friends that you like for their fun personality traits and introduce them to your husband. Plan some group activities together, make them spend some time together so your husband can learn from it.
How to Deal With a Lazy Husband (And Make Him Do Some Work)
So what happens now if your husband is lazy and won't share your chores? That's pretty selfish behavior and the fine definition of gender stereotype. Wives are supposed to do all the chores while husbands just sit and enjoy. Well, clearly it shouldn't be like this in the 21st century. For whatever reasons that your husband is lazy, it obviously needs to change.
It's not easy to go up to someone and tell them they're lazy without them getting offended. Here are a few things that you could do to avoid an awkward confrontation while achieving the results you want.
6. Give him a list of tasks
Some people need their guidelines and instructions written in black and white to follow. Yes, it is annoying, but it's just how some people function. They can't do things the normal way because they fail to see the importance of doing something if it's not written down or have a checklist on it.
Write down some tasks that you want him to do and give him the list, also drop him the deadline of when things needed to be done. Don't try to make it complicated. Give 10 tasks each time and when he is done with the 10 tasks he will get a nice treat.
It sounds a lot of dog training but it works. You instill the idea that as long as he helps out he gets rewarded. It's a great way to get his ass moving and also lower your workload.
7. Clearly divide up workload
A clearly defined role in the household avoids arguments so much better. Work on a schedule. Either one person is in charge of grocery and the other is in charge of cleaning at all times, or you switch roles every week or so. The most advised is to switch roles every once in a while so you don't have to hear the arguments like "oh your work was so much easier than mine". Drawing up your duties forces the other person to take up his share of responsibilities, whether willingly or not because it's his job.
Divide up the workload equally and fairly because both will get the chance to do it. Try to make it like 50% per person as possible. This way no one is upset at their role and you can avoid having arguments because everyone is doing their shares of work.
8. Set up a punishment system
Whoever forgets to do his or her tasks will get punished, it could be a nice dinner somewhere or a surprised romantic date after work. The punishment doesn't have to be big, but it has to be sweet.
9. Give incentives
Besides punishment, incentives are also wonderful at keeping your hubby good at his job. Let him know you will give him some goodies every time he does something for you. This incentive scheme is healthy and good for the relationship as it's very positive.
10. Set little goals to achieve
Use a gradual plan to allow him to slowly adjust. Start with one cleaning day every two weeks then move it up to once a week, twice a week, etc. Suddenly increasing the workload could be hard to adjust for him. Take it slow and gradually move it up so it feels more comfortable and acceptable.
How to Deal If Your Husband is Both Boring and Lazy
11. Try couple therapy
Couple therapy works better than you'd think. It's not awkward or embarrassing, but rather, you get to channel all the negativity out in a good way. Your husband may not be boring and lazy by heart, probably there are some other marital problems going on and that's why he is acting this way.
Sit down with your therapist to talk out things and seek a solution together to keep this marriage happy and alive. Your therapist is the best option to sort things out before he is technically an outsider, yet he knows how to be objective and fair to you both so none will have hard feelings. He will be the mediator and not accuse one of you of the problems of your marriage.
12. Be more authoritative
There are times to be nice and there are times where you just have to stand your ground. If he is both lazy and boring, he is counting on you to make this marriage fun and exciting, which is wrong. You need to tell him upfront that his concept is wrong and that he needs to change his part for this marriage to work out.
It takes two for a marriage to last. Let him know the consequences if he continues to behave this way. Tell him this marriage will not last if only one is trying. There's no reason for him to rely on you to make this marriage fun. He needs to man up and take up his responsibility and actually put effort into making this marriage alive too.
Having a lazy or boring husband certainly is no fun. They can make you go crazy at work even just thinking about what they did. It's difficult to tell someone they're being lazy and boring, especially someone you love and you don't actually want them to feel bad about it, still you want them to change.
While there may not be a perfect solution to solve this because some people are just born lazy or boring. You'd think you can change them, but truth is, you just can't change someone. With that said, there are still ways you can make the situation a lot better and more tolerable. Follow our tips today and try to work things out with your husband so your marriage is spicy and saucy again!